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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pictures of ex on fb

47 replies

AtSea1979 · 29/11/2016 21:15

Do you have pictures of your ex on fb? If so what is your relationship with them like?

New guy has loads of his ex and it makes me rather uncomfortable to see so many. Some with his DC that makes sense but loads just him and her too. Probably around 40% of his 200 pics have his ex in.
AIBU to think that's maybe a bit excessive and a sign he's not over her? Or maybe he's long since moved on and is so detached he's not bothered about the pics. I casually mentioned it and he just shrugged it off. Maybe I'm more concerned about it because he's fussing about making sure his ex doesn't know he's seeing me incase she's rocks boat with DC.

OP posts:
Starlight2345 · 29/11/2016 21:18

I don't delete pics from FB...so if you looked back on my FB you would find years of pics..

You sound insecure..She is part of history...

GrapesAreMyJam · 29/11/2016 21:18

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

IneedAqueenMortificadoNickname · 29/11/2016 21:20

I did until I deleted Facebook. My ex was a massive part of my life for almost 10 years.

New dp didn't like it and asked me to delete them all. I refused.

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 29/11/2016 21:20

Thanks. Yes probably over reading things. I am insecure, from ex not him really.

OP posts:
EveOnline2016 · 29/11/2016 21:22

I never delete pictures on Facebook, but I was in a relationship with DH way before facebook.

If he purposely posted a pic now I would LTB.

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 29/11/2016 21:22

I'd never ask him to delete them. Apart from a casual wow I wasn't expecting all the wedding pics on your profile when he added me, I haven't mentioned it.

OP posts:
MissVictoria · 29/11/2016 21:23

Maybe he just doesn't fancy having to go through them one by one to delete them whilst also shuffling through every other pic to find them? If it was just an album of solely him and ex and you can delete an album all at once then he wouldn't have an excuse not to but that doesn't mean he has to. If they didn't split on really bad terms it may simply be he doesn't consider it a part of his life he wants to act like never happened, and just appreciates it for what it was. If they are still friends, it would look nasty if he just deleted her out of his histroy like she never existed. To be honest i think you have to decide to either trust hm that he loves you and she's in the past, and accept the pics are just part of his history, or if it is something you just can't accept, then leave.

Lotsofqueries · 29/11/2016 21:24

How long have you been together? I actually find it a bit odd. When I split with my ex, I didn't hang about removing the photos! And that was without a new boyfriend.

MissVictoria · 29/11/2016 21:26

Ah just realised i misread the last bit of your post where he is trying to placate her by not letting her know about you. If they are still friends on FB then she would probably start making accusations and causing trouble if he started deleting them, he's probably stuck between a rock and a hard place, he can't remove them without upsetting/angering her and potentially jeopardising seeing his kids, can't leave them without making you uncomfortable! poor guy.

Crispbutty · 29/11/2016 21:26

Same as Lots, when I split up with my ex husband I took great pleasure in removing every trace of him from my life.

GrapesAreMyJam · 29/11/2016 21:27

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

thefourgp · 29/11/2016 21:31

Why would she threaten his relationship with their children because he's seeing you?

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 30/11/2016 07:04

They aren't fb friends.
Not sure four he just 'doesn't want to rock the boat' its early days for us so can't complain but it's not how I function with my ex, I just think what's it got to do with her, they've been split over 2 years. But he wants more than just an amicable relationship with her, he wants to get on with her for sake of his DC.

OP posts:
deloresclaiborne · 30/11/2016 07:17

im quite a layed back person , not the jealous type or suspicious but theres no way i'd be happy with my dp having photos of his ex on display.
i get shes part of his past but thats where she should stay in the past.
he can still get on with her for the sake of the dcs but she doesnt need to be 'in' his life like that.
i think i'd move on its not what id want from a relationship

BubbleGumBubble · 30/11/2016 07:33

My wedding pics are on FB even though we split over 2 years ago along with lots of other pictures from the last 8 years of my life. I wont delete them because they are part of my history. Getting rid of them wont change the fact I was married.
BF also has pictures of his ex on FB again why delete them they are part of his history. If they want to delete the picture after a split fine but it is not your call.

I cant understand people who want to get rid of their partners past Hmm

shovetheholly · 30/11/2016 07:37

No. Even though we are now on amicable terms, I took down the pictures of us together. It seemed disrespectful to DH and since the split was quite acrimonious at one point, I didn't really want them popping up in the 'timehop' thing and stressing me out! I have kept them buried on a hard drive somewhere. DH also has pictures of his exes, but again on a hard drive that's well out of daily use. These people were once in our lives and I don't think either of us would want to delete and deny that, but nor are they images we want to see on a daily basis.

Chops2016 · 30/11/2016 07:44

I deleted the pics of my ex after the split because I don't have happy memories of the relationship and I was sick of the "memories from x years ago" function on fb reminding me! I wanted to draw a line underneath the whole ordeal and move forward.

My husband made a new fb profile soon after we started seeing each other and abandoned his old one (added me on both) to make a new start. No idea if there are pics of his ex on his old one as I never bothered to look.

I don't think it's a big deal tbh and I would take it as he is well over the past. Like others have said, it's part of his history and shouldn't have to hide it.

MixedUpConfusion · 30/11/2016 07:59

I'm also in the "didn't hang around to remove all traces even without a new partner" camp.

HermioneJeanGranger · 30/11/2016 08:34

But getting rid of the photos won't get rid of her Confused

Just because you choose to get rid of all traces of your ex from your Facebook profile, doesn't mean everyone else is going to do the same. It doesn't mean he's not over her, maybe he just has better things to do?

TheNaze73 · 30/11/2016 08:41

I really struggle with people that won't accept people's pasts.
He's with you now, what actually is the issue????

c3pu · 30/11/2016 08:43

I've got all the photo's of my ex gf on my facebook. I don't sanitise my past, it is what it is. Perhaps some day our children will enjoy looking back at those status's and photos.

Hestheoneandonly · 30/11/2016 08:45

I've got pics of my ex. My DH has pics of his. We both have histories. Fail to see the problem

EBearhug · 30/11/2016 08:52

It's a problem if he's looking back through them on a regular basis and having fond memories of her. It's not a problem if he just happens to have loads of pictures of his past on FB and hasn't ever cleared them out.

Lotsofqueries · 30/11/2016 09:35

This is Facebook for all to see. I think some thought for your partners that perhaps don't really want to see these photos? If you wish to keep them, store them on a hard drive as suggested above or a photo album in the loft. Why use Facebook as a track of your history? It's for you only. No one else will be bothered about seeing it.

Fluffsnuts · 30/11/2016 09:38

I don't delete pictures on facebook so there are some of my ex on there. We don't talk anymore and aren't facebook friends.