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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is odd (pil related)

49 replies

bibbitybobbityyhat · 12/11/2016 20:56

My pil are very young. Mil had dh when she was 18 and his brother when she was 20. Fil is 5 years older.

Fast forward 50+ years and the pils are in their early/mid 70s.

They have asked that dbil and dh go with them on a trip to Europe next summer for a few days.

The wives and grandchildren are not invited this is fine with me, I really would not want to go and dh has agreed with a heavy sigh because he does not want to go either.

However, I just cannot imagine myself X years into the future expecting my adult dc to accompany on a trip abroad which is important to me (but not them) when I am still solvent, of sound mind and body, and have a partner to accompany me.

Or perhaps Iabu.

OP posts:
AJMcF · 12/11/2016 21:00

Gosh, that is weird.
What is the reason for them wanting their adult children only? And not their families?

lightgreenglass · 12/11/2016 21:01

I don't get it - if they want to spend time with their adult DC what's the problem?

anyoldname76 · 12/11/2016 21:01

i think its nice, ive been away with my mum this year. if they dont want to go with their parents though thats different

AyeAmarok · 12/11/2016 21:02

Do they want them there because they want the help? Or do they just want the company?

Somerville · 12/11/2016 21:02

Has it happened regularly over the years or just this one-off?

pipsqueak25 · 12/11/2016 21:02

there might be a back story to this that family aren't aware of -ill health may be ? last trip together ?

DillFunk · 12/11/2016 21:04

Do they know their DC won't enjoy the trip or do they think they're doing something nice by inviting them along?

AJMcF · 12/11/2016 21:04

I must clarify, I have no problem with your PIL asking the children to go.

Excluding the remainder of the family (wife's and children) is not acceptable to me

QuiteLikely5 · 12/11/2016 21:04

I don't think it's odd. I think it's s very kind offer

Somerville · 12/11/2016 21:04

Yes I was wondering about ill-health too. Either a last-hurrah or to break the news to the sons.

Hope it just is a bit of oddness and not that though. Flowers

EveOnline2016 · 12/11/2016 21:04

In years to come I hope I can spend time with just my children.i do every month go and see my parents without the dc or husband.

Not sure about an extended time. I mean I hope my children will be using there holiday etc for school holidays and not using it to spend time with me.

Twooter · 12/11/2016 21:06

Can't see the problem. I would quite like to do it with my family, and would be happy for my dh to do it with his.

OurBlanche · 12/11/2016 21:07

Hell, I don't even like my parents and I wouldn't think this is odd at all!

Just another thing some kinds of parents do!

Then again, my parents are odd, so I don't really have a good grip on this!

SquinkiesRule · 12/11/2016 21:26

I spend one day a week with my Mother, no Dh or kids are invited. They see her for Sunday dinner.
I don't see a problem with them being with their parents without wives and children. It's a nice idea.
I hope when I'm in my 70's my kids would like to spend time with me too.

Floggingmolly · 12/11/2016 21:31

I think disregarding the fact that your adult child has a partner and children of their own is very odd. Surprised so many don't.

NataliaOsipova · 12/11/2016 21:31

I think it's a bit odd. If it had been suggested as a family trip (ie with wives and grandchildren) which had turned into just the two sons going, then that would be different. But to plan it not to include you seems strange. Just my opinion, though....

Original poster
bibbitybobbityyhat · 12/11/2016 21:35

No ill health that we are aware of. They are now 70 and 71 and by rights should be great grandparents, except that dh is younger than me and we got married in our 30s and had children in our very late 30s.

So now dh and his brother are in their 50s and have two teenage children each. But their parents want them to go away just the 4 of them for a few days. How odd! It has probably been more than 30 years since the 4 of them met up for a meal or even just a day at home together without a girlfriend/wife/child being present.

OP posts:
DrSeuss · 12/11/2016 21:35

They aren't off to Dignitas, are they?

Original poster
bibbitybobbityyhat · 12/11/2016 21:35

Sorry, 70 and 75.

OP posts:
baconandeggies · 12/11/2016 21:35

I think it's fine. Dsis & I go away with our DM without our partners sometimes.

scaryteacher · 12/11/2016 21:36

I'm going to spend a few days with my Mum when I drop her back after Christmas with us. Dh will be away on business, and I will have dropped ds off at university en route to Mum's. No-one bats a n eyelid.

BreakfastLunchPasta · 12/11/2016 21:40

I don't really see the problem. It's only a couple of days; if it was a week or more I might feel peed off as it would impinge on our own family holiday time.
I expect they're starting to think about their mortality, and would like to spend a few days of quality time with their offspring while they still can. If all the families come, your dh and bil will be preoccupied with DC etc and that might not necessarily be the type of trip they have in mind.

IminaPickle · 12/11/2016 21:41

It utterly depends on the family. I'm spending a few days away with my parents next month (they're living temporarily overseas) DH would rather stick pins in his eyes than holiday without the rest of the family, although he's a 'good son' and enjoys spending time with his parents.

wigglybeezer · 12/11/2016 21:49

Recently I've been away with my parents on my own and with siblings, mainly accompanying them on duty visits to distant, even more elderly relatives but we have usually turned it into a treat, nice meals out etc.. we all enjoy it, I rather enjoy being the centre of my parents attention and my parents enjoy reminiscing, it's also restful having a rest from DH and my teens. I would go on a short holiday with,my parents no problem but would hesitate to go on one with all of us, too stressful!

IminaPickle · 12/11/2016 21:50

Thinking about it in a big fan of changing the dynamics- circumstances mean that we're rarely all together but holiday in different 'batches'. My dcs future partners allowing I hope we get to be 'nuclear' occasionally.