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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this is odd (pil related)

49 replies

bibbitybobbityyhat · 12/11/2016 20:56

My pil are very young. Mil had dh when she was 18 and his brother when she was 20. Fil is 5 years older.

Fast forward 50+ years and the pils are in their early/mid 70s.

They have asked that dbil and dh go with them on a trip to Europe next summer for a few days.

The wives and grandchildren are not invited this is fine with me, I really would not want to go and dh has agreed with a heavy sigh because he does not want to go either.

However, I just cannot imagine myself X years into the future expecting my adult dc to accompany on a trip abroad which is important to me (but not them) when I am still solvent, of sound mind and body, and have a partner to accompany me.

Or perhaps Iabu.

OP posts:

somewheresomehow · 12/11/2016 21:53

I take my Mil away on a sun holiday once a year around her birthday
she gets a break by the sea and I get away from (D)h for a bit. He rarely takes her anywhere

HmmmmBop · 12/11/2016 21:54

I think this is nice, perhaps unusual for your family but not odd at all.

228agreenend · 12/11/2016 22:03

I don't think it's odd, but quite nice.

Maybe they can't afford for partnera and children to go as well.

I wondered about I'll health as well.

anotherdayanothersquabble · 12/11/2016 22:03

I actually think its a lovely idea. Sometimes I think we lose sight of the fact that we were once a little unit and the most important people in each other's lives. I am not sure my siblings and I would cope without the buffers provided by our partners but it would be lovely for it to be us and not all focused on the next generation.

TheBouquets · 12/11/2016 22:05

Could they be trying to recreate a holiday they had with their own children many years before there were partners to their DCs? 2 or 3 days with your own DCs is surely not too much to ask. I would never ask my older DC I would be met with a barrage of complaints.

They have given plenty of notice and if this is the first time they have asked for this I think it is acceptable even desirable. Surely their 2 boys could spare them a short trip.

Original poster

bibbitybobbityyhat · 12/11/2016 22:12

They aren't paying for the sons, so that's got nothing to do with it.

Scaryteacher - your scenario is not remotely like dh's.

OP posts:

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 12/11/2016 22:20

My family is in no way normal so I don't honestly know if it's odd or not. Do they have form for sneaky or controlling behaviour? What would happen if your husband told them that he didn't want to go?

It might be fine. At least if it isn't then you won't be in the middle of it. I can't think of anything worse than even being in a room with all of my siblings, let alone adding my parents into the mix. MrZ's parents are dead and they would have wanted everybody in the family with them, not just their actual children. That would also be horrid though, because MrZ and his brothers are very competitive and have to argue about bloody everything- doesn't matter if it's fishing or farting, they all know best!

ineedamoreadultieradult · 12/11/2016 22:28

A few days away with two 70 odd year olds and two 50 odd year olds is a very different thing to a holiday whigh includes wives and teenage children. Perhaps they just want to have an adult orientated chill out break to be with their own children (they might be 50 but they are still their children) They might want to discuss something with them such as ill heath, wills, power of attorney, pensions etc who knows but whilst it isn't something I can see my parents ever doing I don't think it's odd.

wooooofudge · 12/11/2016 22:29

I thought Dignitas too. Maybe there's a reason for only inviting their children.

Cguk81 · 12/11/2016 22:34

It has probably been more than 30 years since the 4 of them met up for a meal or even just a day at home together without a girlfriend/wife/child being present.
Maybe this is why they want to do it. They are getting on a bit and maybe they want to just enjoy their boys on their own for a few days. I think it sounds really lovely and some precious and by the sounds of it very rare time together.

Newtothis2017 · 12/11/2016 22:35

I hope when I am in my 70'sleep that I could go away for a few days with my dds without it being an issue. They are family. Is it so strange to imagine that you could go away with your parents??? I went away for 2 nights with my dm last year and I am pretty sure my dh didn't need to query whether it was odd. I think it says more about you than your pil

GooseberryJam · 12/11/2016 22:37

My elderly parents would want partners and grandkids to come too on any kind of holiday. I did also think Dignitas I'm afraid.

mydietstartsmonday · 12/11/2016 22:38

I think it is fine. I am off with my mother for a few days without dh. Not strange at all x

Original poster

bibbitybobbityyhat · 12/11/2016 22:40

If I say I am laughing about Dignitas then that suggests I am disrespectful about the place, which I absolutely am not, but I do promise this excursion has nothing whatsoever to do with Dignitas or any sort of heavy discussion about ill health! It is still more than 9 months away.

No, they seem to want to recreate their family holidays from 30 years ago. To go away in a little unit with their mid 50s "boys" as a pp has described them. Just a wee bit odd. Imho.

OP posts:

Goodythreeshoes · 12/11/2016 22:42

I don't see what the issue is to be honest.

My mum and I had the occasional weekend away together (she was late 60's, I was in my 40's) without the grandchildren.

Because, quite frankly, they would have been bored rigid trapsing round National Trust gardens and Garden Centre tea rooms.

IAmNotACat · 12/11/2016 22:54

I find it odd that people find it odd and are coming up with all kinds of weird possibilities for the reason for this trip.

Isn't it just a little family holiday? I do this with my parents all the time. It's normal.

user1471446905 · 12/11/2016 23:05

It sounds like you have some jealousy issues around the fact that your DH had a family before he had a family with you. It's almost like you don't recognise his family as a separate entity. If they haven't managed a meal together in 30 years without wives/kids then no wonder they want to spend some time together.

GnomeDePlume · 12/11/2016 23:11

I think that what a lot of posters are missing is that this isnt a trip that all the people want to go on. It is fine if eberyone wants to go on it but by the sounds of it the OP's DH is less than keen.

Trying to recreate childhood holidays with 50 year old D'C's is odd. This is one of the reasons I resisted my DMs desire to go on narrow boat holidays like I did when I was a child.

SeaEagleFeather · 12/11/2016 23:24

what does it matter if it's odd? It's lovely.

Original poster

bibbitybobbityyhat · 12/11/2016 23:30

Jealousy issues? No I really don't think so. I sometimes see my Mum on my own for a day and a night without dh and the dc but that's mainly because her tiny house cant accommodate us all. If she were to suddenly expect me AND my db to go on holiday with her for a few days next summer without our partners or dependent children ... well yes, I would find that pretty off. But not nearly as odd as if she were 15 years younger and had a healthy dh still alive to go with her, as in my mil's case.

OP posts:

TheDowagerCuntess · 12/11/2016 23:35

Neither of my parents are still living, but I'd be mortified if they invited me and DB on a holiday and excluded our partners and kids.

People seem to be missing the point. Going on a holiday with immediate family members, but without your partner is quite different from deliberately excluding partners and children.

GnomeDePlume · 13/11/2016 07:09

This would only be lovely if everyone wanted to go. Otherwise it is odd.

NataliaOsipova · 13/11/2016 11:11

Isn't it just a little family holiday?

You see, I'd say not....because a family holiday would include the whole family (ie partners and children). Agree with DowagerCuntess on this.

BarbarianMum · 13/11/2016 11:44

A holiday with wives and teenage children along would be totally different in character than one that's just the 4 of them - imagine the arguments about what you'd do each day, where you'd eat etc. And then all the moaning about being forced to use up your precious family holiday on a trip you didn't want to do, and people falling out etc etc.

It's a shame your dh is so unenthusiastic but I can see why they've suggested it.

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