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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you are happy with your lot?

33 replies

VladmirsPoutine · 30/10/2016 13:25

Apologies for reposting but didn't get any replies on my other thread.

I just wanted to know if at your age and where you are in life if you're happy with it all?

I recently began a new job and though it's going well I'm not really all that happy about where I am in life. I had many aspirations which went to shit after a bad spell of ptsd.
I'm now getting back on track and hope to become a more active member of my life rather than passive iyswim?

I suppose also as the year draws to an end I'm also taking stock and trying to figure out how I can improve my life. I don't want to be miserable anymore.

OP posts:

MrsExpo · 30/10/2016 13:32

Then don't be!! Your attitude to your own life is totally up to you to resolve. You have a new job, you say you're getting "back on track" and things are generally improving after a low spell (for which I have every sympathy ... i'm not trying to be callous here at all ..) There's a lot going right with you at the moment and you're moving in the right direction. Someone has given you a new job, so clearly you are a person who has something positive to offer. Keep going in the same direction, stay positive and keep busy above all. If you have hobbies, get involved in them. If not, take something up which gives you a creative and active outlet.

I'm 62, retired, have a reasonably comfortable lifestyle, but get bored and frustrated with things from time to time. When I do I just take my own advice, give myself a short time to feel down then give myself a good kick and move on. Generally, I'm happy with my lot ....

DaughterDrowningInJunk · 30/10/2016 13:38

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

ShoesieQ · 30/10/2016 13:39

Not sure how this is going to help but I've just turned 50 and am v happy. Stepkids now both left home, about to get married to their dad. Got my own business which is a struggle financially, but I love what I do compared to my 20 years as a corporate drone. I know that in many many ways I am very lucky.

Only tips I have is to talk this stuff through with your more switched on and helpful friends and family if you haven't alrady as they should be able to be more use. And for me personally I've found following a few Buddhist teachings has been very helpful, but recognise that may not be for everyone.

Well done Vlad for taking the initiative after what sounds like a tough time, and good luck

Astro55 · 30/10/2016 13:41

Best plane is to make a plan - think about what you want in the near future - have a goal to work towards

Better home - pay rise - qualification

If you don't plan nothing will change

whirliegig · 30/10/2016 13:47

Yes. I am content.

But I am relatively unambitious and happy with my lot. I rejoined the workplace after many years as SAHM and am enjoying a new confidence in myself.

You recently started a new job and it's going well - be patient with yourself. Do nice things too - if you've always wanted to do yoga, learn painting find a class - learn painting - sign up. Be that proactive person you want to be. But be gentle with yourself too. Happiness is fleeting - contentment is more realistic.

Clickclickclick · 30/10/2016 13:49

I had aspirations that went to shit too. I had a pretty bad time of it in my twenties. I made naïve decisions (bad decisions), I had bad relationships, no support etc etc.

I do stock takes at this time of year too. And for the past five years, each year has been better than the previous year. Obviously things go wrong, as things do in life, but I've constantly worked hard to make things better for me and my family and it has paid off.

In a nutshell, and being vague so I don't out myself, I was in a job I hated but it paid fairly well so I felt unable to leave. Then I unexpectedly got pregnant and retrained in something different altogether while on maternity leave. So became self employed just as my maternity pay stopped.
I've been self employed for a couple of years now and I'm at the point where I really need to decide if I should employ staff as the business is growing, or if I should keep it small scale. But I'm not quite happy with doing either. I have a passion/major interest that I'd rather turn into a business instead. So I'm working hard on making that happen. And it won't happen over night. I don't even know how I'll fund the set up costs, just that I will, somehow.

My point is, you don't have to accept your "lot". I was in a job that I was good at, but I hated it. I might never have had the guts to leave if I had not got pregnant. If you are unhappy with something, you don't have to accept it at all.

Crunchymum · 30/10/2016 13:50

I'm in a bit of a hole at the moment - with regards to myself (quite overweight but not in the right frame of mind to tackle it and the misery is seeping into everyday life)

On paper life looks good, in reality I need to get my head out my arse and begin to enjoy things a bit more. I need my energy and self esteem back. Then I'll be dandy.

noego · 30/10/2016 13:55

Get some Spiritual Therapy. Become awakened/enlightened. Discover your true self and you'll never look back or forward, you'll live in the moment.

EssentialHummus · 30/10/2016 14:06

I think my circumstances are factually very good, but I'm naturally anxious/unhappy and tend to see things as worse than they are. One step at a time OP

manicinsomniac · 30/10/2016 14:13

I don't know how many people's lives work out as they planned, tbh.

Mine certainly hasn't but it doesn't mean I'm not happy.

I didn't want children. I wanted to be a musical theatre actress/dancer in the West End or on Broadway, I wanted to live in a cool apartment in Central London or New York with friends and I wanted to spend my days having coffees/in rehearsals/in dance classes and my nights performing. I was going to get over all my mental issues by the time I was 20.

But, in the real world ...
I am a single mum to 3 children and I live in a small village. I am not a professional performer. I still have anorexia and assorted other mental diagnoses. But I have a lovely (cheap rent) house, love my kids, teach performing arts for a living, do a fair amount of amateur/semi pro performing and visit London regularly.

Things could be a whole lot worse. Yes, I'm content.

Good luck with your new job :)

AliceInUnderpants · 30/10/2016 14:15

No, I'm not. And I'm pretty much entirely helpless to make any changes

museumum · 30/10/2016 14:17

I'm happy with work (5yrs self employed) and family (ds is 3 and a bit less exhausting) but I'm really not there with my social life / hobbies / fitness. I used to be in a social sport many years ago and would love that again but just can't fit it into my life. I'd like more (any) social life and it would be amazing to link it to an active hobby but it's just not happening right now. I'm keeping my eyes peeled for opportunities though.

GinAndOnIt · 30/10/2016 14:18

I am so happy with how my life is, but it has taken a long time to get to this point. A very long time. I appreciate it so much more now though.

pklme · 30/10/2016 14:22

Some areas of my life I am happy with, others less so. I make plans and strategies and work on making things better. I have to work at it, as I am naturally depressive- if I don't work bloody hard at being positive, I sink without a trace.

Practically speaking, there is some research called 'five ways to wellbeing' or something, which suggests that the way to feel good is to focus on other people's wellbeing. By volunteering, being generous, etc.

Gottagetmoving · 30/10/2016 14:25

No, I am not happy with my lot at the moment but I know I could change it whenever I decide to.
I put things off and procrastinate and make excuses. I have to remind myself of that every time I am moaning about my life.

ParisGellar · 30/10/2016 14:33

I should be, on paper it's fine. But, I am having a hard time mentally and keep thinking of things that I wish I could have answers for or that I could change about my life. I really regret giving up a good job, and I'm annoyed with myself for being so overweight. I feel resentful of those closest to me sometimes as I don't like the position I'm in.

Gwenci · 30/10/2016 14:34

I'm not entirely happy with my lot; I made a mistake not going back to work after maternity leave. I thought I'd love being a SAHM mum but I don't.

However, I know it won't be forever. DC are currently 1.5 and just turned 3, so still very little. At the moment I feel like I, as myself, am on hold and I exist purely to take care of them, but one day they'll both be at school and I'll start putting myself back together.

But at the same time I'm very thankful for what I've got. My DC are wonderful (and starting to get easier) and I couldn't ask for more from my amazing DH. So many of my friends are having relationship problems as the strain of raising young children takes its toll. I feel so lucky that the best friend I married is still my best friend and an amazing hands-on father to boot.

HappinessLivesHere · 30/10/2016 14:43

I really am. I feel very fortunate to have a lovely life, wonderful partner & family, great friends, job I love and a beautiful home. Have some chronic back issues causing daily pain but it gets managed as best it can.

BigPointyStick · 30/10/2016 14:45

Yes, but I have no ambition and few expectations. Kids healthy, job done really.

Voteforpedr0 · 30/10/2016 14:50

Each day I'm happy and grateful to be able to provide our family with food and a roof over our heads. Sometimes I do wish I was able to do more to help others who are worse off so that's something I'm working towards and feel that I will be more content with my life, make a positive difference in someone else's life.

MsHybridFanGirl · 30/10/2016 14:51

Not at the moment.

I am a single parent to a child who was diagnosed with a lifelong chronic illness two and a half years ago.

My ex is very difficult and won't "let me go". Due to the health situation of my child I am unable to leave and start afresh to escape him unfortunately.

I'm not happy in the job I've just started. Had to leave prior job due to child's diagnosis and am limited in what I can do.

I dream of leaving the town where I live and starting over, meeting someone and finally being happy.

But in reality I worry constantly about my daughter and am very lonely. Possibly going to live the rest of my life like this.

Inthenick · 30/10/2016 14:52

I've very happy. This is exactly where I've always planned to be at this age and point in my life. I'm 35 and right now am living the life I detailed in my diaries at the age of 7. I had an amazing 20's living and working abroad, met a fantastic man and moved home with him a few years later and got engaged, married and had 3 gorgeous babies and bought an old farmhouse with a few acres between 30 and now. My job is easy and well paid and I'm starting a new business I feel passionate about.

Life can change in a heartbeat but I'm very content and feel lucky.

Bagina · 30/10/2016 14:55

For me I think it's about having power and control over my life. On paper my life looks good but I don't have much control over the way things are at the moment. I've identified what needs to happen and am in the middle of implementing these changes, but it's going to take a couple of years to least until they come to fruition. For this reason I'm not happy with my lot and it makes me feel incredibly ungrateful. I find the best thing is to look back and see how far I've come; not measure how far I still am from the prize, which probably isn't a real prize anyway.

ParaPrincess · 30/10/2016 15:04

I'm in the process of moving house (nightmare) and have a lot of money worries. We are moving into social housing from private renting as its costing us too much here. This move will save us 80 quid a month in rent alone but this is happening at the end of November and we have nothing in for xmas. I'm really happy with my family life though. I'm 25. I have two lovely kids and can safely say I'm happily married. I wouldn't mind a bit more money in the bank (who wouldn't) but DH works hard to provide for us. I know loads of people worse off and struggling but I wake up every day grateful for what I have.

Ketsby · 30/10/2016 15:23

I'm unemployed and prevented from working.

No, not really.

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