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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not pay for 17 yo's extra curricular activities?

51 replies

Ambleton · 29/10/2016 02:10

DD is 17 and would like to start a sport and instrument. She turns 18 at the end of November.

WIBU to say that I won't fund it? What age do you stop paying for them if they have done them from a young age?

OP posts:
onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 29/10/2016 02:23

Depends on her ability to pay. If she's still in full time education and you can afford it I would expect you to pay. However if she's working and can afford it then i would expect her to pay. Age has little to do with it at this stage - it's more where she's up to in terms of her life trajectory.

Original poster
Ambleton · 29/10/2016 02:34

She does part time college and part time work.

OP posts:
Out2pasture · 29/10/2016 02:54

I would, especially if she is the type to stick to it for the duration of the course. better for her than other extra curricular activities many 17 year olds get into.
why the hesitation op?

hotdiggedy · 29/10/2016 03:13

Can you afford it? Is it reasonably priced? She's 17 not 47!

Original poster
Ambleton · 29/10/2016 03:15

I could probably just about afford it.

I know she's not 47, but that's why I asked what age it stops...

OP posts:
hotdiggedy · 29/10/2016 03:31

If it's a case of just about being able to afford it can you work out something so you both Contribute? I'm not sure there is an age to stop. At least she isn't wanting money for magazines and shoes!

What instrument out of interest?

Original poster
Ambleton · 29/10/2016 03:43

I think I will end up contributing, but I do currently pay for her country club membership (we aren't rich at all so not a stealth boast) but it's something she really wanted, but she will be taking that over when she's 18, I just wouldn't be able to afford it. She gets £250 for her job a month and it's £60 so she will still have a £190 income. If she paid for her clubs, she'd be able to afford it. She doesn't really go out with friends much (not an interest to her really)... She doesn't get pocket money/allowance but I pay for everything... so it would be the only thing she has to pay for! She will pay to live here at 18 but that's because of something that happened a couple of years ago.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ambleton · 29/10/2016 03:43

Instrument is guitar

OP posts:
SofiaAmes · 29/10/2016 03:46

I am 53 and perfectly able to pay for my own extra curricular activities, but my parents still like to gift me things because they want me to be happy and like the idea that at 53 I am still exploring the world. Why don't you split it with your dd since she's working.

TheStoic · 29/10/2016 03:46

I expect to keep paying until the end of secondary school.

SofiaAmes · 29/10/2016 03:49

And actually just to add to that. Sometimes I pay for things for my parents. I bought them both Kindles a few years ago because I knew they'd never make the leap themselves and now they are both delighted they have them. A few years ago I bought my mother a new sewing machine, even though she could perfectly well afford to buy it herself, because I knew she'd never treat herself.

Sometimes you can just pay for things because you want to and not because you are obligated to.

hotdiggedy · 29/10/2016 03:50

Sorry, really tired now. It seems like you are paying a lot for her already. Guitar can be bought cheaply and there must be YouTube tutorials for beginners.

Country club😁 What does one do there??

leanback · 29/10/2016 04:06

Is still pay. She's still a child Imo. When she's 18 I'd re-evaluate.

AyeAmarok · 29/10/2016 04:50

She will pay to live here at 18 but that's because of something that happened a couple of years ago.

Intriguing!

seven201 · 29/10/2016 05:15

At secondary school I was forced to do saxophone lessons (as my dad got a sax for his 40th but was crap so made me go instead). The man who did them and his wife were so so lovely. My parents paid until I started sixth form. I had a part time job in Woolworths. I used to bloody hate going and paying £20 a time. But they were so sweet. The wife bought me one of those square Cadburys hot chocolate mugs one Christmas. I only managed to stop going when I moved away! I often think about those two.

I think you should split it with her as it sounds like you'd easily use the money yourself if you had it.

Twodogsandahooch · 29/10/2016 05:28

Seven you just made me smile!

Bagina · 29/10/2016 06:13

I would pay, or if money's too tight pay most of it. It's really good imo that she wants to do something constructive, and that's something I'd be thrilled to support. It won't be long until shes into binge drinking and clubbing Grin.

DontMindMe1 · 29/10/2016 06:29

`What use is the expense of the social club? If she doesn't really have friends or like going out - then how does this membership really benefit her?
She would be better off spending that money on cheaper hobbies that encourage her to socialise with her peers.

She's going to be a legal adult soon and needs to learn managing a budget - if you want something that bad then you need to make the sacrifices/do the hard work.

I take it she isn't planning on a musical career? Just wondering because unless her further education/career deems it essential for her to play the instrument - then it's just a hobby she enjoys doing. Which means it comes out of her pocket.

Yakitori · 29/10/2016 06:38

Bloody hell. I thought the extra curricular activities might be drink, drugs and sex. I was quite into those things at 17.

Sport and music? Why would anyone not pay for this?

Some people on MN have very odd ideas about parenthood.

StrawberryQuik · 29/10/2016 06:54

I thought she might be one of those teens that did 100 different clubs and I was going to say YANBU to make her pay for a few out of p/t earnings but as she's only doing 2 I'd pay for her.

IIRC when I was that age my parents would pay for 2 of my dance classes and I'd pay for the other two.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/10/2016 07:02

Once she's 18 will any of your allowances stop? Not there yet myself so don't know how it works.

If you're struggling to afford it, perhaps pay for a certain number lessons for Christmas / birthday? Then re evaluate when these have been used up. You can always think about go halves later on if she's struggling to find the money - seeing as she's studying part time, this seems like a compromise (that is unless you'd be too short of cash). What about her father, is he on the scene? And if so, would he contribute?

griffinsss · 29/10/2016 07:40

My parents helped me pay for my "extra curriculars" until a few months after I finished university (which was at almost 23), which was also after I had my first child. Slightly embarrassing I must admit, but my parents didn't want me to have to give up my exercise/sport just because I couldn't afford it. If I could have afforded it or if they couldn't, however, there is no way they would have continued to pay. It's completely relative to your situation.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 29/10/2016 07:42

I'd pay. I wouldn't even question it.

TirednessIsComing · 29/10/2016 07:44

Given she earns a good amount enough to pay and you pay for everything else then I'd certainly ask her to pay for one or both.

I'd be more inclined to pay for the sport then the instrument. Its harder to learn as you get older in my opinion so I think she's more likely to give that up quicker if you pay and it's hard whereas if she's paying it's extra motivation.

GemmaB78 · 29/10/2016 08:08

I'd also pay. Learning to play an instrument, and playing sport are fantastic extra-curricular activities, and should be encouraged.

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