Partner / football/ young children

[Screamer1]

Interested in opinions. We have a 4 month old and a 2 year old. Bedtimes can be time consuming.

Partner plays football once a week in the evenings, coinciding with bedtime. I encourage him to play because I think it's important to keep up individual interests etc. He's generally very hands on and helpful.

Tonight dd 4 months was absolutely hysterical at bedtime. He left as usual to play football. She ended up taking over an hour to get to sleep.

He's now sat downstairs having a beer and relaxing whilst my nerves are shot.Obviously I'm not quite at the stage where I can go off an do my own thing because baby still feeds a lot.

Would you expect your dp to stay and lend moral support. Aibu?

No. It's got to be swings and roundabouts in a relationship. Yes, it was a crisis, but it was over within an hour.

You say you encourage him to do this, but the minute it's inconvenient, he should stop?

Not the minute it's inconvenient. There's been loads of times, he's gone when they're being a bit difficult, but this was full on meltdown, plus I've had a week of her waking every hour all night.

Prepared to accept I'm being unreasonable though.

No, I wouldn't expect moral support. I don't know what kind of moral support would actually help, really. If you encourage him to go out, then let him go out.

It's absolutely fair to moan about how hard it was when he gets back, though.

It's only once a week, YABU.

YABU.

It's once a week. 4 times a month.

Sorry you say he's generally hands on. It was only for an hour. YABU

I don't think you're being U as such but if you need help at home you should tell him you're struggling sometimes at bedtime and him going to football isn't great at those times. Assuming he's in some sort of team that need people as opposed to a kick about he could give it up or carry on based on what you both decide. Encouraging him to go but then being pissed off that he goes seems a bit off. If he comes back and all is calm so he cracks open a beer is reasonable, there isn't much he can do then! though OP, bedtimes can be hard!

No, its once a week, unless you or the kids were ill I'd say go and have a lovely time.

No. it's 1 night for 2 hours. Why don't you do something fixed another evening?

It's important to get time away. Once a week isn't a lot.

I dont think he was unreasonable as for all he knew it could have been over in 5 mins and hed have missed his football over nothing much and obv knew you could manage either way. You do sound exhausted though, maybe he could take them a bit more in between feeds to give you more recovery time.

It's once a week... once....leave him to it!

Does he do any bedtimes on the nights when he doesn't play football?

He does a few bedtimes, but only with ds as I'm breastfeeding dd.
I think I'm just extra irritated because he's getting pretty much full nights sleep and getting to go and do something he loves whilst I'm constantly up all night.

I've come round to thinking I'm being U though so thanks for putting me straight and stopping me getting in a strop about it.

Why isn't he doing bed for baby also? You can put a baby to bed without feeding. I would often breastfeed them at 9pm, then Dh would change and burp them and settle to sleep. Meant he could also resettle overnight also as I only fed every 3 hour max overnight, so if fed at midnight and they woke at 1am he would resettle

I wouldn't expect him to stay. I'd wave him off and deal with it. But I only have one DC so I have it a bit easier. I did struggle the months after Dc1 so I understand.

Why isn't he getting up in the nights? Ever? That would be exhausting

Do you get a night off every single week? No of course you don't.

Graciously let him go and do his football now, and there'll be times in the future he'll graciously let you go off and do something on a regular basis when it might not be so easy and straightforward for him to be dealing with the kids, but he'll do it anyway. I play sport with friends once a week, and next week DH will be cycling to the other side of town with DS to go to an open evening, because I don't want to let my team mates down. Payback time might be 15 years down the road!

As long as you both feel like you get equal down time, many different arrangements will work. At the moment you clearly don't feel that way. I wouldn't strop about this incident in particular but it sounds like you should have a general chat about the principles of "time off".

15 fucking years!

Do you do all the overnights? Even the weekends? Because if a baby was waking every hour, I would expect DH to pitch in, either early mornings, or later evenings and certainly the weekend.

Poor you, your DD sounds like she is in the 4 months sleep regression. I hope he his not just "hands on" but lets you rest for the whole week end, doing as much as humainly possible. It will get better but I have been told that the 4 months stage is often the hardest.
You are doing something fantastic for your DD!
Co-sleeping really helped breasfeed my babies longer, that might something to look into if you are interested.

Mistress - 15 years will pass in no time and you'll be glad then that you'd banked the brownie points.

After 15 years my role as a doormat will be well established. Or we'd be divorced.