Partner / football/ young children

[Screamer1]

Interested in opinions. We have a 4 month old and a 2 year old. Bedtimes can be time consuming.

Partner plays football once a week in the evenings, coinciding with bedtime. I encourage him to play because I think it's important to keep up individual interests etc. He's generally very hands on and helpful.

Tonight dd 4 months was absolutely hysterical at bedtime. He left as usual to play football. She ended up taking over an hour to get to sleep.

He's now sat downstairs having a beer and relaxing whilst my nerves are shot.Obviously I'm not quite at the stage where I can go off an do my own thing because baby still feeds a lot.

Would you expect your dp to stay and lend moral support. Aibu?

No doormats involved. Give and take over the years. Fifteen years down the line, it's still give and take. I'd happily sacrifice a lie-in when the DC are very young for DH going through DC2's UCAS personal statement the night before it's due to be submitted.

There are families where it's possible to get a lie in AND have a committed and helpful partner later in life as well. I know, it sounds impossible but it's true

I wouldn't have expected my dh to stay in this scenario as football is a team game and he would have let the team down.

Why isn't he doing nights at the weekend? It is possible with expressed milk/perseverance. Unless he gets in there he'll never do them and resentment will build.

Of course it's possible. It's just that sometimes you might be the one allowing your OH to have the lie in or supporting them in doing something they want to do. Doesn't make you a doormat.

No, there's not much two can do compared to one to get a child to sleep. It's one night a week, it's not that much.

The bulk of the night duties should fall to the person who hasn't got work the next day. Weekends could be shared if baby will take expressed milk, if they won't then there's not much that can be done.

It's never been possible for dh to do any nights here with any of our four breastfed babies. But he does a lot of other things. One night a week isn't much and I get that too now our youngest is two.

I had one baby who woke every hour and it was awful. But there wasn't much dh could do. I think YABU to expect him not to go to football but you could ask him for a lie in at the weekend (he gets up with baby and brings baby up each time baby needs feeding, then removes baby again leaving you to go back to sleep).