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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

A car parking thread and an argument. Who was right?

34 replies

PetraParka · 21/10/2016 12:54

I'm adding a picture to make it a bit easier to understand.

yesterday I had to withdraw money from the cash point at a nearby smallish supermarket and had dd (2) with me.
I parked in the spot marked with a star.
Got back in the car.
All the parking spots were filled apart from number 4. The cars on the right were parked there illegally. As I started reversing, I got just past the jeep type car and a bmw driver whizzes in and parks in the spot marked with a square. Initially I thought I'd reverse into there and then drive on, but didn't think anything of it and realised I'd have to reverse all the way out of the park because I had no space to do a 3 point turn.

So I got to where the taxi was parked and a woman comes to my door and taps on it. I put the window down and she says "did you just shake your head at me" aggressively. I was completely shocked because I had no idea who she was or why I'd shake my head. It was like she was spoiling for a fight. I said "no why would i shake my head at you?" Then she got a bit intimidating and looked at me and said "yeah ok, because it looked like you did". I replied "don't be silly, can't you see I'm trying to drive out of here, why would I be shaking my head at you, what's your problem?" Then she got aggressive again and started F-ing and blinding, and I told her to fuck off and the only reason she was being so aggressive was because I was wearing a headscarf..she scoffed at this and ran into the shop.

My legs were shaking and I felt vulnerable. Later on I realised she might have been the person who parked in the spot but I didn't even acknowledge that. She was spoiling for a fight and I feel it was because I was wearing a headscarf.

Anyway, sorry for the long thread, but was I right to reverse out like this? As I had no space to do a 3 point turn? And why would someone come out of nowhere and start asking you if you shook your head at them aggressively?

OP posts:

Original poster

PetraParka · 21/10/2016 12:56

Sorry forgot the picture

A car parking thread and an argument. Who was right?

OP posts:

ClopySow · 21/10/2016 13:04

Excellent diagram.

She sounds like a dick. Just forget about it.

gleam · 21/10/2016 13:06

Parking there would be on my 'no' list.

MangoBiscuit · 21/10/2016 13:09

I agree, excellent diagram! I wonder if she has a hidden disability and has had several people make passive aggressive comments etc for using disabled parking spaces, hence the (still unnecessary) aggression.

From your diagram, I would have reversed out too.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 21/10/2016 13:12

Maybe she thought you'd pulled in to the car park, no space and were waiting to reverse back to the space she whizzed in and snaffled (and so she imagined you were shaking your head and tutting or something) Who knows. She sounds thoroughly unpleasant to shake you up like that. I wouldn't give her another minute of my time.

Great diagram though.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 21/10/2016 13:15

Two questions;

If she had parked in the bay with a square - was she disabled? Did you not reverse up to her car & check for a blue badge? (had she had a go at me I would have done).

Why on earth do you think she only attacked you because of your headscarf? Did she say anything to make you think she was being racist in any way?

To me, she just sounds like an aggressive loon. Sadly, there are many of them about. I wouldn't really give too much thought to it. You seem to have been parked perfectly legitimately to me.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 21/10/2016 13:16

Is there no standard parking BTW? Or is that around the corner somewhere?

MsJamieFraser · 21/10/2016 13:18

You are not BU about her manner, but YaBu in thinking she was aggressive T your for wearing a head scarf, she made no comment or reference to this at all.

She was being a Dick, yes, but many people can be.

Original poster

PetraParka · 21/10/2016 13:18

I didn't even think if she might have a hidden disability or no disability. I was concentrating on keeping the car straight and was looking in every mirror and behind me so when I had the chance to shake my head I don't know!

Parking there is on my "no" list aswell, but I had to take out money for dd's nursery fees and didn't want to park across the main road and take her out of the car. I was lazy and I paid for it.

OP posts:

MoonfaceAndSilky · 21/10/2016 13:18

Yay, a diagram.
Some drivers are idiots, I wouldn't let it bother you. Why do you think it is because you had a headscarf on? drivers shout at me all the time and I don't wear a headscarf

Original poster

PetraParka · 21/10/2016 13:24

Maybe I was defensive about my headscarf, but the way she was peering down at me from outside my car made me feel like she thought she was superior. Along with the intimidating and aggressive manner in which she spoke to me It just felt she was picking on me for who I was, and that I was an easy target and deserved it.

OP posts:

TheLuckyMrsPine · 21/10/2016 13:25

Why do you think it was because you were wearing a headscarf?

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 21/10/2016 13:25

From your diagram it looks like you both parked and manoeuvred out correctly. She seems to have been...odd. I wouldn't waste time thinking about her to be honest.

Maybe she did something that she felt wasn't on (parked where she knew she shouldn't, 'stole' the space she thought you wanted... who knows) - leave that in her headspace and forget it :)

I am intrigued as to why you think she was aggressive because of the headscarf though - I don't understand what difference that would make?

Original poster

PetraParka · 21/10/2016 13:33

I think I'm finding it hard to explain the headscarf thing. Thank you everyone btw for complimenting my diagram!

I just felt she was looking down on me and was giving off a superior vibe when she was talking to me. Like I didn't deserve respect because I was different to her. I don't normally use the headscarf or race card, but these days I feel more and more judged for who I am and what I wear. I guess I'm paranoid and that's my problem. Maybe she was a weirdo and is like that to everyone?! Who knows!

OP posts:

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 21/10/2016 13:44

I would definitely imagine she's like that with everyone . Well, other people in any case.

Aggressive people tend to be aggressive people whoever they are dealing with - although it might be interesting to see if she would have approached a man in the same way. If she didn't mention your headscarf, or use any kind of racist language, then I wouldn't assume that to be her motivation.

Much more likely that she is just that sort of person.

ItShouldHaveBeenJessCastismas · 21/10/2016 13:47

Hopefully she is just a weirdo and like that to everybody (or rather, not hopefully!). However, I can understand why the OP might feel it's a race issue. Non-white Brits never know when this shit might happen, and whether the aggressor's vitriol is aimed at something they have done, or because of their skin colour. I have a Syrian friend who has been yelled at for several minor 'offences' - joining the wrong queue, parking badly, moving his bloody wheelie bin at eight in the morning on collection day. He never knows whether he is genuinely in the wrong, or whether his (predominantly white) neighbour's just want an excuse to vent their racism.

Hellochicken · 21/10/2016 13:53

Sounds like she was itching for an argument.

Perhaps you were turning your head to look all directions to safely manouvre out of your space, and she mis-interpreted it?? She thought you were indicating she shouldnt be doing whatever she was doing.

eg if she was yanking a dog lead or dropped litter or anything at all, and she saw you turning your head and she though it was disapproval

anyway I can't see it was scarf unless she referrenced it

SpringerS · 21/10/2016 13:56

I understand why the OP might feel it was because of the headscarf. Surely all/most of us have been in a position where we feel someone reacted to us in particular way because we are a woman? I know I have definitely experience men being aggressive with me in a way that I am pretty sure they wouldn't have been if I was a man.

Motherwithflaws · 21/10/2016 14:17

Ignore her. You did nothing wrong. And that's a marvellous diagram!

rollinghedgehog · 21/10/2016 14:23

Sounds like you managed to get out of the situation by suggesting it was because of your headscarf, as she ran into the shop after that!

steppemum · 21/10/2016 14:26

she sounds like she is aggressive anyway.
You were perfectly in the right.

I understand why you might feel it was the headscarf, at the moment it wouldn't surprise me if you said she had made a comment based on it

But I would also say that don't assume that, idiots abound, they may or may not be racist, but they are still idiots. Sadly you crossed her radar today, some other poor soul will cross it tomorrow.

In the meantime - great diagram!

StrictlyPan · 21/10/2016 14:29

YABU.

The diagram isn't coloured in, there are no trees and no stick people.

Standards, eh?

Original poster

PetraParka · 21/10/2016 18:11

Thank you everyone, you've all made me feel a lot better about this. I'll just put it down to her being a weirdo.

I'm sorry Strictly! I'll try harder next time!

OP posts:

lilydaisyrose · 21/10/2016 18:27

Just here to compliment you on your diagram OP. Think you might have a new career in MN parking diagrams!

OurBlanche · 21/10/2016 18:29

If it helps...

I parked in a supermarket car park near the bike park area. A man stalked over to my car, I had the soft top down so I was sat waiting for it to come up. When I say stalked I mean he had his arms out at his sides, elbows bent, making himself seem really wide.

He bellowed "What did you say? What did you say to me? I am cycling with my kids and you said what? What did you say?"

To which I pointed at the radio and sang "The boys are back in to - o - o - wn"

His wife laughed out loud! He sort of deflated, apologised and scuttled off. I spent the next half hour stalking them round the aisles, his wife continued to smile

Sometimes people are just pillocks!

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