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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be fed up with 5yo wetting himself DAILY

44 replies

LittleMilla · 16/10/2016 20:56

DS1 is 5.5 and manages to piss himself, in some capacity, EVERY DAY!

When we ask him, he often says that he doesn't realise that he's doing it. BUT (before everyone says there must be a big problem), he's dry at night. Odd accident when he's drunk loads before bed and not had a last week. So this makes me think he's just being bloody lazy in the daytime.

Often it's just a bit like a leaky tap before he runs to the loo for a massive horse wee.

I am just SO sick of washing pissy pants though. His 3 yo brother can wear the same trousers for days on end. It's just hugely frustrating as I have NO idea why he continues to wet himself and really not even care that much!

HELP!!

OP posts:

BabsAtTheZoo · 16/10/2016 20:58

Take him to the gp.

Optimist3 · 16/10/2016 21:02

How do you respond when he wets himself? Lots of 5 and 6 year olds have have accidents

Optimist3 · 16/10/2016 21:03

He's probably just preoccupied with more important things.

BusStopBetty · 16/10/2016 21:04

Take

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 16/10/2016 21:05

Please please please take him to the gp
He may have an irritable or unstable bladder
This can be treated
Please

deathandtaxes123 · 16/10/2016 21:06

Difficult one.

Apparently my husband was like this and it was purely down to him preferring to run about daft with his friends outside.

I think my MIL lost her shit one day and refused to let him go out to play (which was all he wanted to do) and held her ground until DH started to remember to go to toilet when he needed a wee.

Quite different though if it's a physical or emotional problem.

I can see why washing pissy pants and clothesis frustrating though.

BusStopBetty · 16/10/2016 21:06

Argh, take him to the GP and rule out a physical cause.

If it's not physical then take him to the loo every hour (or less if required). Hopefully he'll learn not to leave it to the last minute to avoid your constant interruptions for loo breaks.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 16/10/2016 21:06

Oh and urge incontinence i.e leaking before a big wee is a classic symptom.

marie200 · 16/10/2016 21:11

I was going through the exact same thing with my 5yr dd in the summer. She literally peed herself every day, and didn't care that she did either! Was very worried about her starting school in august, sent loads of spare pants in with her on day 1. She has never had an accident in school and hadnt had one until school finished last week for October hols, and she has peed herself the every day for the past week! It's driving me bonkers! Obviously nothing biologically going on, it's just laziness I think, I remind her often throughout the day, but it makes no difference!
So I'm sorry, I'm no help, but I'm just letting you know you're not alone!

Original poster

LittleMilla · 16/10/2016 21:13

Thanks for replies.

My instinct tells me that it's just down right laziness - purely because he is able to hold it overnight. I can count on one hand the times he's wet the bed in the last year (which is when he chose to stop wearing pull ups). We don't ever lift him, so he manages to hold it for c.11 hours with no problems.

We have chatted about it at length, he just says he doesn't know when it happens. I am generally pretty relaxed with him, just say that it makes me feel sad that he's such a big boy with everything else aside from this. He's a really good boy - tries so hard at school etc - this really is his only negative. Whereas his younger brother, who is always dry, it utterly nuts and a sod. So swings and roundabouts, hey!??!

OP posts:

StubbleTurnips · 16/10/2016 21:15

death your poor DH.

As someone who lived the trauma of constant wetting until a late age whether it's habit or medical shame is no way to deal with it, nor is anger. The ERIC forums can help deal with wetting in a constructive manner, mine continued due to being shamed and constantly in my mums bad books / shouted at. I'd go to great lengths to avoid being berated and would try and hide it. I ended up being hideously bullied as I smelled of piss from trying to hide from the humiliation of parental shaming.

I'm not saying that's how you are dealing with it OP, but it escalates slowly with wetting until you get to that point.

ImperialBlether · 16/10/2016 21:18

Nobody wets themselves because they're lazy!

Take him to the doctor, OP, or go yourself first and explain what's happening.

RNBrie · 16/10/2016 21:19

He's not holding it at night though. There is a hormone which suppresses urine production so he probably never has the urge to go. I don't think you can draw conclusions about day time toilet training from night time dryness.

Mine had a big wee regression when dc2 was born. Similar to what you are describing, she'd just do a wee anywhere she'd like and shrug her shoulders.

We fixed it with bribery. One chocolate button for every wee that went into the toilet with dry clothes and 2 TV programs for a whole dry day. I think she only wet herself once after we introduced the chocolate button system!! We did it for two weeks then phased it out.

Original poster

LittleMilla · 16/10/2016 21:26

I hadn't considered the whole hormone thingy RNBrie

Right, we'll go and have a chat with our friendly GP.

I really have been trying hard not to be too hard, with the hope he'd just sort it out himself. DH is growing increasingly frustrated though; talks about putting him back in pull ups. I really don't like the idea of 'shaming' him though and feel it'll be counterproductive. Bribery with buttons sounds MUCH better! ha. I just know that the 3 yo will cotton on though and start pissing himself on purpose: he's a bit like that! Maybe we could do it on the downlow....

Thanks all for replies.

OP posts:

BusStopBetty · 16/10/2016 21:27

They might not do it because they're lazy, but they do do it because playing football or whatever is more fun than taking a loo break, then they wait until the last minute and pee themselves. Been there, done that. Plus small children are daft and don't get that a two minute loo break takes less time than a shower and change of clothing.

hollie11 · 16/10/2016 21:30

My little one kept wetting herself at school when she started reception......turns out she was afraid of the hand dryers in the toilets so just wet herself instead! I made her use the handdryers before school every day for a week and then she was fine.

whinetasting · 16/10/2016 21:30

Sounds just like my son (now just 6). I was getting irritated with him until I saw a specialist- he has an irritable/ overactive bladder. Basically he doesn't feel anything as his bladder fills, but the minute his bladder gets a bit full it spasms and he leaks to some degree. Apparently it categorically isn't his fault- up to 5% of children, mainly boys have it, and there is an hereditary element.

The doctor said it made her really upset to think of people thinking they have no control when in reality they have loads of control but just have a problem. My son also doesn't feel when he's having an accident.

Things that have improved matters

"Dry like me" toilet training pads. They fit in the front of his normal underwear and soak up smaller leaks and dribbles. This means that he's never had a visible accident at school which means a lot to him.
Watch- set to vibrate quietly every 1.5 or. 2 hours- this reminds him to try and go even if he's not feeling it
We've just started Blerone xl 4mg which is an anti spasmodic and has reduced the urgency and number of accidents. He was on oxybutynin which is a much older medication which works for some people but not for us.

It may just prove to be something that as he gets older he learns to manger with more frequent trips to the loo.

We also tried a tens machine initially as a drug free therapy to relax the muscles around the bladder. This had some impact but not enough to make up for the hour he needed to sit attached to it every night.

The ERIC website has lots of info. Apparently very few children are genuinely too lazy to go- most have some sort of issue which can be solved.

Hope it goes well.

jodiecw · 16/10/2016 21:31

I think for his age this whilst annoying is actually normal.
For some children & adults they can ignore (often not even deliberately) the part of your brain that says I need a wee.

I have always done this luckily as an adult I'll make sure I don't leave it to late. But as a child I probably didn't.

Remember he most likely isn't doing it consciously just had such a busy mind during the day, that the signals get missed.

My dd is 7 and only just grown out of this stage. She's still wet at night though but I come from a long line of not dry at nighters (apparently genetics is involved ).

I used to remind her to wee a lot and get her to go before we left anywhere.

Please try not make a fuss about it one of my abiding memories is the shame I felt about wetting myself and feeling like a freak because I couldn't do something so simple.
Now as an adult I know better and understand it was just the way my brain worked.

CwtchMeQuick · 16/10/2016 21:35

I think popping him to the GP for a chat is a good idea.

If no physical cause can be found, I'd be making him try for a wee every hour until he learns to go when he needs to. He'll soon realise that he loses less time playing if he just goes of his own accord.

Original poster

LittleMilla · 16/10/2016 21:48

whinetasting that is super interesting and would definitely tally with his assertion that he just doesn't know.

I took him to the loo hourly today as we were out all day. Got home about 5pm and watched some TV. Then getting undressed for the bath, his pants and jeans were soggy.

It's very rarely a full-on wee, it's just like a leaky tap!

OP posts:

Original poster

LittleMilla · 16/10/2016 21:53

And Jodie I am sorry that you felt like that. A reminder that we musn't be too hard on him!

OP posts:

StubbleTurnips · 16/10/2016 21:53

OP please don't let your DH use lines like that to him directly - I hope he isn't, its awful to go through it. I knew my parents would say things like that, I was threatened with nappies and a cot a lot - my self esteem was shattered. It broke my heart constantly and I used to cry / pray at bedtime every night not to wet because I knew what they thought.

Good luck with the GP, hope they can help you all. It must be frustrating as parents too.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 16/10/2016 21:59

My ds was dry at night from 3 and was still "leaky" in the day and when he needed the loo needed it NOW.
He is medicated as am I for bladder instability which with hindsight I have had since childhood.
I was tol I was naughty and punished for accidents, told I was a nuisance for needing the toilet frquently I still remember the misery of it and am so relieved that when we finally spotted a pattern with ds we got him referred to a urologist.
Shame it took 35 years for me to get sorted

Original poster

LittleMilla · 16/10/2016 22:00

Stubble he doesn't, thankfully. I've also showed him this thread and he's just said "poor chap, I feel terrible now". We certainly have had some cross words.

Thanks all

OP posts:

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 16/10/2016 22:00

Oh and going every hour will make it worse not better
Google bladder drill

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