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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what would make the perfect MN wedding?

41 replies

GinThief · 07/10/2016 12:47

DP and I got engaged this week, having read numerous wedding related threads in AIBU - I would like to know what you think makes a good wedding?

or we might just disappear to Gretna this weekend

OP posts:

MargaretCavendish · 07/10/2016 13:02

Going by AIBU I think the perfect wedding would be giving each guest £500 to apologise for even thinking about inconveniencing them by inviting them to celebrate with you. However, the perfect wedding also costs £4.50 and if you spend more then you're a materialistic bridezilla whose marriage will fail. Sorry about the difficulty of reconciling these, but that's wedding planning for you!

TypicallyEnglishMustard · 07/10/2016 13:06

Guests who are fed and watered, thoroughly!

Not in in the middle of nowhere for no reason at all. Or abroad if neither of the bridal couple are specifically from the venue country.

Unless Maui.

GinIsIn · 07/10/2016 13:06

Congratulations! Gin does. And nice food. And not getting married on a week day half way across the country from your family and friends. No crazy dress codes or outlandish gift requests, and get Valium for both your DM and MIL before you start planning! enjoy!!

TaggySits · 07/10/2016 13:19

Going by MN you will have to:

Impose a strictly vegan menu on all your guests.

Ask three of your tight-knit group of four close friends to be bridesmaid.

Include a demanding and grabby gift list with your invitations.

Ensure to divide families by inviting one half of a couple/set of twins only.

Have the wedding at some remote location with no public transport links and extortionate cab fees.

Order a bespoke dress that requires numerous fittings and alterations but change your mind at late notice and then lambast your dress-maker for ruining your big day.

And after the wedding send thank you notes that mention how the guest ought to have really given a bigger cheque than they did.

Think that should do it nicely!

Have a great day!!

AuntieStella · 07/10/2016 13:20

Have a do that is like the party you'd always want to throw.

Don't worry about the trimmings - no one really remembers them or cares much about them unless they're trying to sell you Stuff

Feed you guests adequately, and at normal eating times.

If you can run to it, supply plenty to drink too.

Don't have a venue in the back of beyond, or where there is a limited range of accommodation (ie it'll all expensive).

Remember that people with school age children can't really do weekdays in termtime.

If you are going to use STD cards, don't send them to everyone you might invite, just the key subset who you really really want there and don't use an STD card in a vain attempt to secure a venue decorator

Don't worry if the nephew has green hair...

SukeyTakeItOffAgain · 07/10/2016 13:24

Don't invite anyone. It will only be seen as a preposterous imposition.

If you do invite them, don't on any any account have the thought that gifts might be nice, and you know, normal. In fact, pay them to attend, apologising profusely all the while.

SukeyTakeItOffAgain · 07/10/2016 13:25

Ps congratulations! I hope you'll be very happy and gave a great day :)

MargaretCavendish · 07/10/2016 13:26

Remember that people with school age children can't really do weekdays in termtime.

This is one of my favourite 'life is much harder when you're a parent' comments. Let's try: remember that most people, whether or not they have children will have to do quite a lot of logistical rearranging to attend a wedding on a weekday.

AGruffaloCrumble · 07/10/2016 13:28

OP. Congratulations!
I'm getting married next August and have spent a fair amount of money on the wedding so I'm already having a shit wedding by MN standards. You need to do absolutely as little as possible, maybe don't even mention it to your parents. If you spend anything you have been taken in, it's all a selling ploy, even if you enjoy it!

dovesong · 07/10/2016 13:32

Congratulations! Good music and dancing, plenty of alcohol, ceremony not too long, decent food. Nothing else really matters to guests - flowers etc are really more for you to enjoy and remember. The best wedding I've been to was one where the bride and groom took ages making a brilliant playlist - every song was a banger and it made for a fantastic atmosphere.

HeyRobot · 07/10/2016 13:32

I think it was just a reference to the fact that schools don't let you take kids out of school for a day, Margaret. I didn't take it as woe is me, I'm a parent and life is hard. Just that kids don't get annual leave!

NapQueen · 07/10/2016 13:36

I can't speak for MN as this site contains tonally amazes me in its race to the bottom Ness.

But a good wedding for me as a guest:-
*appropriate timing for food. Don't start the day at 12. When will I have lunch?!?! Start about 2.30/3. Then I know to eat lunch
*don't let guests go hungry.
*choice menu is my preference but I know not all venues do that
*no band. Hate a band.
*finish at a reasonable time - 11.30pm/midnight.
*somewhere I can get a reasonably priced taxi home. Not an hour and half away with 300 quid a night room rates.
*tell me what you want as a gift. I don't care if it's cash or gifts just tell me. And don't use a poem
*sit me with people I know
*bar prices reasonable. Not £5 or more for a pint.

Diddlydokey · 07/10/2016 13:44

Don't spend any money as that would be wasteful.
Don't expect the guests to spend any money attending, that is presumptuous

Provide a schedule of what is happening. Allow for a lot of flexibility.

Cater for all tastes. Make sure that you're eating and drinking what you want to on your big day.

No hanging around for photos. Only get the best photographer.

Get married early - make the most of your big day. Get married later on, that way you only need to feed once.

Don't include a request for money or a list. Let people know what you'd like for a gift so they don't have to call and ask your Mum.

People are grown ups, they can work out their own transport and hotel arrangements. You should pay for coaches and hotels for all guests.

Have no children. Have all the children.

KatieScarlett · 07/10/2016 13:48

Elope

Niklepic · 07/10/2016 13:49

Maui?

ShowMeTheElf · 07/10/2016 13:58

I love a wedding thread!

OP: some MNers will swear that they hate weddings. Everyone has preferences but actually those don't matter as it's your day. What you need to take into account is your budget, your likes and dislikes, the allergies/illnesses/infirmities/religious observances of your guests (if there are any). Make sure everyone is fed and watered, heated if it's cold and cooled if its hot; not too formal if that will make your guests uncomfortable.
It's a marriage ceremony with a party afterwards. nowhere is it written that this party needs to involve a big white dress, a pumpkin coach, table favours, music or indeed a sit down meal. Make whatever you choose to your tastes and reflective of you as a couple.
Congratulations.

Justwanttoweeinpeace · 07/10/2016 14:15

Don't forget a singing wishing well for money gifts.

MN loves those.

noeffingidea · 07/10/2016 14:18

Lack of standing around waiting. So turn up on time and keep things running to schedule.
Plenty of food and drink (affordable, though I personally believe in a free bar at weddings). A buffet is fine.
In a vicinity that is as local as possible, for the majority of guests.
Children welcome.

Original poster

GinThief · 07/10/2016 14:24

Maui is starting to sound more appealing by the second

OP posts:

Tworingsandamicrowave · 07/10/2016 14:28

One chicken that will feed all of the guests with enough left over for sandwiches the next day.

Congratulations and enjoy your day whatever you decide to do.

Tworingsandamicrowave · 07/10/2016 14:30

Oh and are you tall OP? You need to be be at least 7feet tall!

Lambbone · 07/10/2016 14:31

Ooh Dovesong were you at my DS and DDIL's wedding?

They made their own playlist and it was fantastic! It appealed to particular subsets of the guests too (the Pokemon theme song went down particularly well)

It was a great wedding.Amongst the features that made it great were:
Playlist (see above)
Sensible timing
Distance from church to reception venue about 300 metres
Plenty to eat and drink
Minimal hanging about
Number of guests enough to make a party, but not so many that they had to have a cash bar
Lots of thought put into the seating plan
Everyone genuinely delighted for the couple and no-one being arsey

Mummyshortlegz · 07/10/2016 14:32

Pom bears for canapé
Naice ham salad for main
Punched cake and cutted up pear for dessert

Rachel0Greep · 07/10/2016 14:35

Oh and are you tall OP? You need to be be at least 7feet tall! Definitely! .

OP, congrats. And have a great day, whatever you decide.

Zeeandra · 07/10/2016 14:46

Genuine tips here:

Hold it in an area with decent transport/variety of hotels rather than in a £350 a night hotel in a field in nowhereville so people have choices if they want to stay/go home late.

Have a weekend ceremony as it's far easier for the vast majority.

Give people food and drink. It doesn't have to be uber fussy just as long as it's good and plentiful. Don't let guests sit around waiting 3 hours whilst you faff with photos with no access to refreshments.

Give plenty of notice.

Don't let anyone else dictate your wedding.

Have fun.

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