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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Ex and his kids

40 replies

KinkyAfro · 06/10/2016 19:54

I split with partner of 10 years yesterday, I simply fell out of love with him, tried to make it work but I was flogging a dad horse. Anyhoo, we recently moved into my mums as our rental was put up for sale, I'm going to be staying here for now and he's obviously going to be moving out, things are amicable and he will have as much time as he needs to find somewhere. He has two kids, we've never been what I'd call close as they were mid teens/early 20's, at uni and out with their own friends when we met, but we saw them every couple of months or so. DP and I have had a chat about splitting possessions, money and stuff and the subject came onto his kids. He said that they are coming round here tomorrow night but I've said I'd prefer it if he saw them somewhere else. He thinks I'm being a bit mean, I just think it would be a bit weird.

AIBU?

OP posts:
NoFuchsGiven · 06/10/2016 19:56

You have been with him for 10 years, so his kids have been in your life for 10 years also. I have to agree that it sounds pretty mean.

Original poster
KinkyAfro · 06/10/2016 20:02

They have and havent, he hasn't really been that close to them either as he's worked away on and off for years, and they were away at uni. I just think it would be a bit weird to be sitting here playing happy families when we're not together

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Ausernotanumber · 06/10/2016 20:05

You sound remarkably upbeat I have to say. Good luck.

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 06/10/2016 20:05

Well he is entitled to his opinion but really it's your mum's house,your rules. As they seem to be older why doesn't he just go out for a meal or a drink with them? Don't have to sit in living room with them all night! Fwiw I think Yanbu I'd feel really uncomfortable about it too.

Original poster
KinkyAfro · 06/10/2016 20:12

I just feel relief to be honest auser, I've wanted to end it for a while, and despite being in a relationship I was terribly lonely.

I know it's still his home kind of zigzag but he hasn't told them either yet so it would be doubly weird

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QuiteLikely5 · 06/10/2016 20:15

Come on don't be mean, don't you even want to say hello or anything to them?

Original poster
KinkyAfro · 06/10/2016 20:17

I have no problem saying hello to them but it would just be weird if they were just here watching tv in the other room

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Lunar1 · 06/10/2016 20:19

You can really just cut them out so suddenly after 10 years?

Original poster
KinkyAfro · 06/10/2016 20:28

Again lunar we're not that close, we haven't really spent much time together in those 10 years. They are grown up, have their own lives, it's not like I've ever been a step mum to them. I wont be seeing them once he's gone, I've never seen either of them unless DP has been there

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ScaredFuture99 · 06/10/2016 20:33

I would see them at least to say goodbye and have some closure (for yu and for them).
I would expect your ex to tell them first before you see them. No point playing happy family. I agree with you there.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 06/10/2016 20:33

I think it's mean tbh.

CrazyNameCrazyGuy · 06/10/2016 20:34

Were they planning to stay overnight?

If not then it might be better if he arranged to meet them at a restaurant and told them that you have split up.

It probably does seem mean - and confusing - to him ("stay as long as you need" followed by "no, I don't want your children in my house").

I can see why you would find it awkward though.

abigamarone · 06/10/2016 20:36

From the sound of it you don't even have to suffer being in the same room. You're being unreasonable.

WatchingFromTheWings · 06/10/2016 20:37

YABU. It's currently where he resides and they're his kids. Just grin and bear it for one night. Or maybe arrange a night out for yourself with a friend.

Original poster
KinkyAfro · 06/10/2016 20:46

Ok, split opinion. Of course I'll say hi and bye to them, but he needs to tell them before they arrive otherwise it'll just be awkward. No, not overnight, they are coming to watch a film with him. It's been a long week, I'm shattered and I just want to relax after a long week at work so won't be going out.

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bloodyteenagers · 06/10/2016 20:50

I would put a time limit on how long he stays. And yes he should meet them elsewhere.

StripeyMonkey1 · 06/10/2016 20:50

Do they know what the situation is between you? If so, they might also find it awkward to come over.

It definitely should not be for you to explain to them that you and your partner have split up. He needs to break that news!

Original poster
KinkyAfro · 06/10/2016 20:58

Not as far as I know stripey, which is my concern

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dinosaursarebisexual · 06/10/2016 21:45

It sounds like you've emotionally disconnected from him already. I'd let him have them over and just stay in the bedroom while he chats. I think it's a bit unreasonable to not allow them over, it's not like it's going to happen too many times again.

MiniCooperLover · 06/10/2016 22:26

it sounds like they are adults now? Surely they can find somewhere else to meet up with him?

BarbarianMum · 06/10/2016 22:37

"Stay as long as you want but your kids are no longer welcome"? Interestingly PA. Hmm Why don't you just tell him to sling his hook?

Original poster
KinkyAfro · 07/10/2016 06:09

Because he doesn't have anywhere to go at the moment barbarian and I'm not going to kick him out onto the streets. I'm not going to hide in the bedroom dino for however many hours they are here. We've been emotionally disconnected for a while, the split came as no surprise. Mini they are in their 30's now, I just think it's strange that now we've split, he wants to stay in watching a film with them, it's never happened before!

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Original poster
KinkyAfro · 07/10/2016 06:15

Sorry one is in her 30's, the other 27

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 07/10/2016 06:42

It's no more weird than him sitting around with your mum.

Original poster
KinkyAfro · 07/10/2016 07:12

He doesn't sit around with my mum, he's mostly at work, doesn't get in until late and mum is usually in bed anyway. He sits in the other room, always has done....mainly because he watches crap tv

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