AIBU? Ex and his kids

[KinkyAfro]

I split with partner of 10 years yesterday, I simply fell out of love with him, tried to make it work but I was flogging a dad horse. Anyhoo, we recently moved into my mums as our rental was put up for sale, I'm going to be staying here for now and he's obviously going to be moving out, things are amicable and he will have as much time as he needs to find somewhere. He has two kids, we've never been what I'd call close as they were mid teens/early 20's, at uni and out with their own friends when we met, but we saw them every couple of months or so. DP and I have had a chat about splitting possessions, money and stuff and the subject came onto his kids. He said that they are coming round here tomorrow night but I've said I'd prefer it if he saw them somewhere else. He thinks I'm being a bit mean, I just think it would be a bit weird.

AIBU?

[KinkyAfro]

ilovesooty I have checked out of the relationship you're correct. I have been unhappy for a couple of years, but it never seemed the right time to split. He knows I was unhappy, he was too, thr difference is I don't love him anymore sadly. We discussed about him moving out, if it was me, I personally wouldn't want to hang around in my mil's house. I know I said about giving him time, I thought that was being generous and I would've expected him to find somewhere in a couple of weeks. We don't really have anything here apart from clothes, everything is in storage so it's not like we have to pack up a house

[ilovesooty]

I'm confused. You said he would have as much time as he needs to find somewhere. Now you say he has to be out in the next couple of weeks.
I hardly think it would be a hardship to let him sit with his kids for a couple of hours. You sound pretty uncaring and seemingly checked out of this relationship some time ago.

[KinkyAfro]

It's not actually his home though, or mine. It was temporary whilst we looked for something else, and he's never had them round to watch a film before as I said upthread. He's got to be leaving in the next couple of weeks as I'm moving out then anyway. They usually decamp to Starbucks! This was arranged since the split which I find weird. I said it would have been better for him to tell them first and leave it to them to see if they still wanted to come round, have a brew, chat say our goodbyes

His kids still live with their mum need moved back after uni and never moved out. They are hardly home though, usually out socialising, staying with friends, boyfriends.

And we don't have a poor relationship, just not a close one

[Gazelda]

It's his home. They are his children and he'd made arrangements to spend the evening together at his home. His DP has just ended their relationship and he's got to find somewhere else to live and start a new life.

Surely you can tolerate one evening of awkwardness? Yes, ideally he should make alternative arrangements in future, but what harm can one evening do. Maybe he'd be more comfortable telling them his news in his home, rather than the pub?

You've obviously checked out of the relationship, but regardless of whether he was expecting the end, his life is impacted too, and he may not be as ready for the end as you are.

Give him a break, I do think you are being mean.

[GreatFuckability]

If there is another room that he can go in with them, then I think you are being petty.

[TheNaze73]

I think it's weird but, if this was reversed he would be called mean, after 10 years

[Molehillfromamountain]

My step kids are similar ages and would not be interested in coming round to watch a film with their dad. (they have wives and babies now)
Tell him to offer them a drink at a pub and stay home if you've had a long week. I'm sure they wouldn't mind not seeing you again if you have such a poor relationship with them anyway.

[NeedABanner]

I think it's weird that HE didn't make other arrangements. Mind you, given they're adults & you're not close to them, I find it quite rude he's invited them to your mum's for the evening anyway.

If I were him I would also have found somewhere to move to this weekend. There's no way I'd be staying on at the 'inlaws' if we'd split up. Why can't he stay with one of his kids?

[Bambamrubblesmum]

Maybe he's embarrassed to tell them so is trying to keep everything normal? Albeit a new kind of normal that you've never actually experienced before

[Groundhogday2016]

It all sounds an odd set up I must say. His adult children coming round to watch a film with their father in your mother's house? Add to that you have just split up.

When I was 30 I would not have visited my dad of an evening to watch a film.

I agree they could meet up in a pub or something. Wouldn't they prefer that anyway?

So no YANBU.

[Bambamrubblesmum]

Tell him you'll both need to tell them together whilst they are there visiting to clear the air. Tell him you're looking forward to being open and honest with them and that you'll not be pretending you're still together.

Bet a mysterious alternative plan emerges fairly rapidly

[allnewredfairy]

It's a very new break up so I'd be inclined to let this visit go ahead if only so he uses the opportunity to explain to his children what is going on. If you want to keep things amicable surely a couple of uncomfortable hours is worth it while STBX gets the chance to get himself sorted. It would be the generous thing to do.

[KinkyAfro]

chunk

[ChuckBiscuits]

If only they had places to go where you could watch films and sit together and even have snacks. I might invent such a place...

[KinkyAfro]

He doesn't sit around with my mum, he's mostly at work, doesn't get in until late and mum is usually in bed anyway. He sits in the other room, always has done....mainly because he watches crap tv

[LynetteScavo]

It's no more weird than him sitting around with your mum.

[KinkyAfro]

Sorry one is in her 30's, the other 27

[KinkyAfro]

Because he doesn't have anywhere to go at the moment barbarian and I'm not going to kick him out onto the streets. I'm not going to hide in the bedroom dino for however many hours they are here. We've been emotionally disconnected for a while, the split came as no surprise. Mini they are in their 30's now, I just think it's strange that now we've split, he wants to stay in watching a film with them, it's never happened before!

[BarbarianMum]

"Stay as long as you want but your kids are no longer welcome"? Interestingly PA. Why don't you just tell him to sling his hook?

[MiniCooperLover]

it sounds like they are adults now? Surely they can find somewhere else to meet up with him?

[dinosaursarebisexual]

It sounds like you've emotionally disconnected from him already. I'd let him have them over and just stay in the bedroom while he chats. I think it's a bit unreasonable to not allow them over, it's not like it's going to happen too many times again.

[KinkyAfro]

Not as far as I know stripey, which is my concern

[StripeyMonkey1]

Do they know what the situation is between you? If so, they might also find it awkward to come over.

It definitely should not be for you to explain to them that you and your partner have split up. He needs to break that news!

[bloodyteenagers]

I would put a time limit on how long he stays. And yes he should meet them elsewhere.