To want to co sleep?

[Halloweenbaby]

Ds is 3 weeks. He wakes every 2-3 hours and is breast fed so dp doesn't have to wake during the night, although he would if I woke him but whats the point in us both being awake at stupid oclock, especially when he is back at work early hours. Anyway, I have had it drilled into me how dangerous co sleeping is, as has dp so he is now adement we wont co sleep with baby. I am just exhausted though, dp has given the occasional bottle during the night so I can get an extra couple of hours in but I really struggle to express and its not the feeding that wears me out but baby doesnt settle after feed unless he is in someones arms preferably mine, so I spend an hour on top of feeding time trying to get him into a deep enough sleep so he doesnt notice being put into his crib. By the time this happens baby is due to wake up within the hour for another feed. I laid baby next to me last night and baby fell asleep instantly but dp went mad saying how potentially dangerous it is ie overheating or me rolling over (I am a heavy sleeper to be fair)
So aibu wanting to co sleep? And if not how do we make it safe as its not something Ive looked into as this wasnt the plan. Or would you reccomend being exhausted now for a couple of months and just riding it out.

Look up safe co sleeping.
Babe sleeps on your side, not next to DH.
No drugs, fags, booze.
No soft bedding.
Bed rail or cot by side to stop rolling out.

Oh and just to add he is pfb 4 weeks early and was quite poorly to begin with, he now has a cold now too which makes me pander to him I guess, so leaving him to cry it out isnt an option for me atm.

Yes- Google safe co sleeping. The NHS and nct have info from memory. Co-sleeping done safely is fine, co sleeping because you accidentally fall asleep on the couch or pass out from drinking or something is where the dangers lie. Just make sure you don't have too soft a mattress (I think memory foam is considered unsafe, but do double check if this is relevant).

Co- sleeping was great for us.

I co-slept with both of mine. They were both Velcro babies and I wouldn't have got any sleep at all if I'd put them in a cot. It just felt like the natural thing to do.

What about one of those little cribs which attaches to your side of the bed? That way you can effectively co sleep without the risk of rolling on to your baby. Extra cost, although I think you can also hire them rather than buying.
I did do quite a lot of co sleeping for the first 3-4 months, but we had a king size bed and my DH slept in the spare room a lot so that he could guarantee a good nights sleep. That worked really well for us - I did all the feeding (breast fed) and my DH did all the housework/cooking so that I could save my energy for night time feeds. Once the baby started sleeping for longer periods (by 4 months) she went into the cot in our room and DH returned!

Could you get one of those bedside cots? That would put the baby close to you, for ease of feeding etc, but the baby wouldn't be in the bed with you, which might mollify your dh.

I could have written your post op, I has exactly the same with dd.

Have you thought about a side sleeper cot, the chicco Next 2 Me is the one we have and its fantastic, very reasonable price too. I learned to feed her laying down then would just shuffle her over into the side sleeper and get some sleep right beside her.

11 months on, we still co sleep with her

I had a very similar Velcro baby and was beginning to hallucinate with the sleep deprivation before we decided to co sleep. DH slept in the spare room, I slept in a long sleeve top with all the covers and pillows safely away from DS. We don't smoke and didn't have the energy to drink then either. There are risks with co sleeping, but I decided that the risk of falling asleep with him on the sofa was much higher so we may as well do it as safely as possible.

DD has slept in the bed with me and DP after our first night in hospital we didn't sleep at all. She has followed the same pattern ever since: sleeps 4-6 hours straight, then feeds without really waking me or DP then sleeps for another 4 hours...

...oh, apart from the night we tried her in her cot next to our bed because my mother went nuts about how dangerous cosleeping is. That night she slept for 2 hours and woke up every 40 minutes after that. I'd feed her (20 minutes) and then have to settle her (another 20 minutes minimum).

Needless to say, we didn't try that again. YANBU

...after our first night in hospital when we didn't sleep at all.

YANBU

It's perfectly fine to cosleep if it works for you. Just don't drink or smoke, apparently that's what is correlated to the risk. Billions of parents world wide cosleep. It completely normal human behaviour.

You can rent a bed nest for under £100 for 6 months which is what I did. They seem to be the only renting option. ..I. liked thst they took it away whrn no longer needed!
I used a bed nest until.12 weeks then co slept and it really did help me to get more sleep..Google side sleeping natural breast feeding position. You can also feed lying down yourself which helps when you are so tired. Good luck. .hope it works for you. ..the exhaustion is terrible ...

YANBU!

As pp have said,do your homework and you can do co-sleeping easily!

DD1 -I spent hours drooping over, half asleep trying to feed her sitting up every night. Felt like a zombie for months.
DD2 - co-slept from day 1. Averaged 5/6 hours sleep each night. Felt like a slightly tired but normal person! I couldn't have done anything else AND managed with a toddler and a newborn!!

I co slept using a Sleepyhead pillow. Meant my baby was in a "unit" which I felt much happier about. He went from waking every two hours to going for 4-5 hours and now at 10 months he pretty much sleeps through. We've now transitioned to a cot (once he could sit up on his own and move around it was too nerve wracking) and I really think the sleepyhead has helped as it is familiar. Good luck OP - enjoy the sleepy snuggles as long as you can xx

Having tried both ways I would highly recommend safe co sleeping. Ds1 - I was determined to have an independent sleeper and gave myself 2 years of very long evenings trying to get him to sleep and very long nights trying to keep him asleep. Ds2-pretty much always co slept in one form or another. Sooo much easier.

I love cosleeping. Must say that I don't know any babies that actually slept in their bedside cots - all ended up in main bed. Both of mine certainly knew when they were being shafted off on other sleeping surface!

All this said I am not sure if it's recommended for prem babies to sleep on the same surface as the parent so do check that out.

Have loved co-sleeping with ours. And delicious to wake up next to those squishy baby faces! Cot , posh mattress, crib etc. were a complete waste of money. Agonised trying to get DS to sleep in the crib then did what felt natural and turns out to be called co-sleeping.
DD has never slept in a cot in her 3 years.
Made bf massively easier as you can doze as they feed (mine always fed on their sides).
Getting quite nostalgic...
Don't miss the wet baby sick patches on the bed though!

Have a look at 'Three in a bed" by Deborah Jackson. Really explains co-sleeping well and how out of touch we can be with our natural instincts. Also a massive help re:persuading someone of the safety of co-sleeping.

We have always done co sleeping but yes at times I was worried so I tried a number of different things. I actually put Moses basket between Dh and I so I could have arm in Moses basket but she still had space. I also had her in baby sleeping bag on top of covers but many times just snuggled her in. I'd agree not on dh side and using bed rail - I just had cot up against my side of bed. So much easier when they get a bit older but you really need your sleep too.

Sorry I'm with your partner on this one. I know the majority opinion here is in favour of safe co-sleeping but posters above are ignoring at least two risk factors you have identified in your post - your baby was premature and you are a heavy sleeper. My suggested solution as you are not surprisingly finding doing the whole nighttime yourself, would be for you to wake to feed, then you wake your partner to do the settling back to sleep. That way, everyone gets some rest and his (genuine) safety concerns are met. A further alternative is for your partner to do some bottle feeds with formula, if expressing is too tough on you.

I personally do not understand why people risk co-sleeping. A baby in its own basket/cot in an adult's room is correlated with a lower risk of SIDS, as well as eliminating the risk of being crushed, falling out etc. Safe co-sleeping practices are still not as safe as not co-sleeping, especially when you have a partner who you can divide some amount of nighttime duties with. If I were your partner, I would be hugely worried if pushed to move to co-sleeping and could not see myself agreeing to it. I think you should explore alternatives like those I have suggested above.

It is perfectly possible to cosleeping safely, however I agree with sycamore in that you have identified yourself risk factors that I wouldn't feel comfortable with. I personally would have loved to have coslept however like you op I'm a heavy sleeper and dp will often invade my side of the bed and I end up right on the edge without even knowing. Because of this I knew cosleeping wasn't an option so got the next to me cot. Ds loved it and I was able to be near to him to comfort him.

I co slept with first Ds. Absolutely knackered from no sleep one night after breastfeeding I had rolled on top of him without realising. Thank God Mil came in and woke me. Very frightening.

Read a book called Three In A Bed. Lovely book! Yes co sleep. Bedside cots are brilliant too. You can normally convert a normal cot.

It is MUCH safer to make your bed safe in case you fall asleep there, than to accidentally fall asleep with your baby because you're too exhausted. Yes, even if you have extra risk factors. IME I did not sleep anywhere near as heavily when the baby was next to me - but a bedside cot does provide extra protection from rolling onto them, if you are worried about this. They also provide a bed guard which prevents them from rolling off and are generally a good idea IMO.

If you sleep in the "C" shape which most people find is instinctive, you won't physically be able to roll over. Very close to recovery position.

I have a 10 week old and we cosleep and have done since night 2 (night one in SCBU). We do have a firm superking bed and no room in the bedroom for a crib/Moses basket.

We have a bed guard and when she is in bed she sleeps on my side in her own swaddle blanket and not under our sheets. However most of the time she is in a sleepyhead in between us which has worked really well. We previously had a cocconababy but she didn't get on with that very well.

We ebf which means that I do have to move her for a feed and to put her back but it isn't a massive problem. This really works for us, my dh also uses an ear plug because baby is a bit noisy when she isn't in a deep sleep!!

I think the size of our bed has made a difference, I wouldn't do it if I had a double and would be reluctant if I was a heavy sleeper in a king.

If I recall rightly from the book sycamore, the concept of SIDS is in countries where co-sleeping is the norm. I recall Japan being a specific example. Probably no coincidence that the risk is lowered by the baby being closer to the mother in the mother's room, even if in a cot etc. However, OP, you are right to look at premature baby considerations. I know that that is a consideration, but not sure if it is only during the period where the baby us still not 'full term' as it were. Please do look at that. Perhaps a bed nest is a good compromise in the meantime. They can be hired from the NCT I think.