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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to go nuts that his sons are being called 'visitors'?

49 replies

hotmessmom82 · 02/10/2016 11:32

My sons dad has emailed this morning 2hrs before he was due to have the eldest, as his gf is 'ill' and he can't have 'visitors'! I'm fuming mainly due to the fact they are being called 'visitors'. They are his children. He only has them in the day as it is as apparently she can't deal with having them overnight, I am trying to be reasonable but really feel like slapping the pair of them at the minute!

OP posts:
ChuckBiscuits · 02/10/2016 11:34

as his gf is 'ill' and he can't have 'visitors'

'That's a shame, but you are due to have your kids anyway I am sure they will cope without you having anyone visitors there.'

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 02/10/2016 11:34

Yeah, he's a douche.

My ex always had an excuse not to see DS. I stopped asking, it's now been 11 years.

Forget him, move on.

IceBeing · 02/10/2016 11:34

oh gosh that is really horrible..yanbu.

IceBeing · 02/10/2016 11:35

I like chucks suggestion though!

OurBlanche · 02/10/2016 11:37

YANBU to feel like slapping some sense into them!

OK, take stock. How are things otherwise? Money, attitude, pleasantness et etc?

DO you need to have a re-think and set yourself up for a life with less hassle?

Example:

He doesn't have them overnight... do his payments take this into account?

How does that affect your social life? Your ability to have a fullfilled life? Is it cramping your style more than necessary?

What do you want to change? Can any of it be changed?

Or is a fucking good shout on here all you need? Grin

Waltermittythesequel · 02/10/2016 11:37

I didn't know you were expecting visitors. Your children, who obviously aren't visitors since they're your children will be ready for pick up in two hours.

Lweji · 02/10/2016 11:38

Only the eldest, as well?

He sounds great.

I'd be tempted to reply with a suggestion that he gives up his sons for adoption.

More likely, I'd point out that he's destroying his relationship with his sons, and you won't bother to fix it when they are older and tell him they are not interested (like my son has just done to his own dad).

QuackDuckQuack · 02/10/2016 11:41

I completely about the 'visitors' thing. Might his GF be contagious? Something horrible has been going round here and I would avoid sending your DC if she's got something like that.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 02/10/2016 11:41

Surely the gf can just stay in bed then?? He can still parent his kids ffs!!

Shiftymake · 02/10/2016 11:42

The only time we put restrictions on dsc coming was/is when there was something contagious. But general illness/migraine aso did mean dsc still came for the weekend. Just respond that it is fine that visitors are not coming to theirs but as his children are not visitors, you will be seeing him for the agreed pickup and if gf feels to poorly to take part she can close the bedroom door.

Original poster
hotmessmom82 · 02/10/2016 11:44

He has been with her a year and it's only the last 6 weeks they have been allowed to the house. It's infuriating! I don't believe she is ill for a second, she just doesn't like the boys.

OP posts:
Lweji · 02/10/2016 11:45

Tell him you're ill too and want to get rid of the visitors.
See how that sounds in his head.

JinkxMonsoon · 02/10/2016 11:48

Maybe she has something contagious.

It'll be a shit day for your son if you insist on sending him, so maybe you should keep him at home. It's annoying, but better for him, surely?

AlbertaDewdrop · 02/10/2016 11:49

Reply

Who were the visitors? Luckily I dont think the children were aware that you were having visitors as well as them so they wont be disappointed. See you at XX to pick them up

TaterTots · 02/10/2016 11:51

I kind of see where he's coming from if she's contagious. However, it would be worth reminding him that when you're unwell you don't necessarily feel like having the kids around either - but you don't get that choice.

Realhousewivesofshit · 02/10/2016 11:52

What an absolute knob.

Original poster
hotmessmom82 · 02/10/2016 11:52

I have no issue with him not going, we will just do something, but he was promised a day of crafting and reading his school books to his dad, which he is so proud of and it killed me to tell him that it wasn't happening.

OP posts:
PeppasNanna · 02/10/2016 11:53

I would drop them off regardless...Wink

HerFaceIsaMapOfTheWorld · 02/10/2016 11:58

That is rude.

diddl · 02/10/2016 12:00

He sounds awful.

Heartbreaking for the son-but why would you drop him off when he obviously isn't wanted there-by either of them!

RichardBucket · 02/10/2016 12:01

"That's fine; X isn't planning to invite any visitors. He'll see you at 1pm."

Jaxhog · 02/10/2016 12:02

As many have said, he's a selfish k*head. Send him an email, telling him how disappointed his DS is - in detail. He can at least feel guilty.

Lweji · 02/10/2016 12:05

Ring him and tell him to explain it all to ds.
It's certainly not your job.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 02/10/2016 12:05

"Good idea not to have any visitors - I felt really ill this week and didn't have any visitors. Your son is not a "visitor" though and is expecting you to collect him at xxx"

youarenotkiddingme · 02/10/2016 12:06

"Ds says he's dine wth your having visitors when he's there as he is looking forward to a nice afternoon with you crafting and reading. He's so thoughtful as says at least it's a quiet activity that won't disturb gf. See you at X time"

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