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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL body shaming my DD

52 replies

Oysterbabe · 01/10/2016 20:26

I have a 9 month old. She's not crawling yet and she's a gorgeous, chubby little thing. MIL has made several comments about her weight. We were having dinner together and DD was happily stuffing it down. She loves food, we do BLW and just let her go for it. MIL was becoming increasingly anxious about the amount she was eating and saying things like "Is she ever going to stop?" and eventually "she'll end up 10 stone at this rate!". Her dinner was salmon, boiled potato, broccoli, cauliflower and carrots. Given that I only offer her healthy, nutrious food, AIBU to let her eat as much as she wants? I thought they self-regulated and I'm sure her proportions will change once she's mobile and grows taller. Or is MIL right and I should be limiting how much she eats at mealtimes?

OP posts:
00100001 · 01/10/2016 20:29

She can't over eat, shes a baby. If she being given good food, she will be fine. So unless you're feeding her a diet of coca cola and haribo, MIL is being ridiculous. Tell her to be quiet. If it helps say "the doctor isn't worried" or similar

StarlingMurmuration · 01/10/2016 20:32

Don't limit her eating healthy food (or milk)! Your MIL is ridiculous. I'm sure once she's starts walking and running about, she'll even out anyway. DS is incredibly picky and survives on thin air, I'd love it if he had a bit more fat on him.

Passmethecrisps · 01/10/2016 20:32

Your dd sounds fab. I think I would repeat "babies self regulate" and just end the conversation there. Having had a baby who was terribly hard to wean thanks to reflux I had to teach myelf just to leave her alone to decide what she wanted.

It is a wonderful life long skill - eat until you have had enough then leave it.

CtotheB · 01/10/2016 20:34

The cheeky mare. She's a tiny baby, they're meant to be chunky. I'd tell her it's not her problem and it she is concerned then don't participate in mealtimes with your DD. Sounds like she's the one with the issue (I just hope it doesn't continue when your daughter is of a more influential age).

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 01/10/2016 20:36

Just be sure she don't have her unsupervised at mealtimes ever!

DeadGood · 01/10/2016 20:36

How embarrassing... For her.

No advice for how to deal with it, but I suspect she'll need a little shaming in order to ensure she shuts the fuck up.

Sorry - being very coarse but she absolutely has to stop with this shit and soon, because your DD will understand what she's saying before too long Angry

dontpokethebear · 01/10/2016 20:37

Oh god I love a chubby baby!
I came on to say babies self regulate. Agree with pp, say the dr or hv isn't worried and are happy with her weight etc.

HerFaceIsaMapOfTheWorld · 01/10/2016 20:38

Your MIL is unreasonable and rude, she is a baby and eating veg. Would annoy me its not her concern.

twocultures · 01/10/2016 20:38

YANBU my friends DD was heavier at 6 months than my DS at 12mo!

She was born weighing a lot more as well and she's now getting taller and the cute little fat rolls are disappearing as she grows. Everything I've read about BLW says that they self regulate as well.

DartmoorDoughnut · 01/10/2016 20:40

Oh for goodness sake!! There are conditions that cause over eating but your DD sounds healthy and happy! Just ask MIL what is so wrong about 10st next time she says something so idiotic

EllieHandMeDownBaby · 01/10/2016 20:43
  1. Your DD sounds wonderful! I wish my two would eat so heartily!
  1. I had stern words with my DM when my DD was a very little baby and simply stated that we do NOT comment on weight (call her chubby, say she'll be big if she keeps eating) or eating habits in this household.
I'm determined that the body-shaming (and related anxiety) which has plagued the women on both mine and DH's side of the family will not be passed down to my DD!
Mimicat44 · 01/10/2016 20:45

She sounds gorgeous. The baby not your MIL - she sounds like a fucking idiot

EmilySunshine · 01/10/2016 20:45

Aren't babies naturally a bit chubby? i'm sure she is fine. when she walks she will most likely burn it off a bit?

helenatroy · 01/10/2016 20:45

I'm afraid I'd have to say something. She doesn't sound like the nicest person already criticising a little baby.

EmilySunshine · 01/10/2016 20:47

and 10 stone for many of us adults ( those of us from about 5ft 6 to 5ft 8) would actually be considered a normal weight range. in other words, average size!

EmilySunshine · 01/10/2016 20:49

helenatroy i agree. even babies now are not safe from this body fascism? funny how right from when we are born we are defined by our weight. the first thing new parents mention. Sex? Weight? we live in a weird world

ollieplimsoles · 01/10/2016 20:50

I'm with you 100% ellie we do not allow those sort of comments either, I want my DD have have a healthy relationship with food and enjoy fueling her body healthily.

Op your mil is an idiot, we are blw too, my DD also loves salmon!

I had a good few comments on her eating too much, but also too little, so you can't win with some people! Ignore her, my DD sometimes doesn't want to eat meals and only wants milk and she is 11 months

Liara · 01/10/2016 20:51

Your dd is too young to notice yet, but she soon enough will start. You must make sure your MIL stops this before that point!

M0nstersinthecl0set · 01/10/2016 20:52

My DD2 was a proper delicious butterball at that age and didn't move much. Once she was on the move it went. Honestly with red curls and her ankle, thigh and wrist rolls she was a cherub boticelli would have painted. She was like that before blw.
Your MIL needs to stfu. Baby

Original poster
Oysterbabe · 01/10/2016 20:52

Thanks everyone, I'm glad I'm not unreasonable and will continue to let her enjoy her food with wild abandon.
I wonder if it would have been mentioned if DD was a boy.

OP posts:
sentia · 01/10/2016 20:53

We had some similar issues with MIL re commenting about DD's eating, and endlessly discussing other people's weight around her (she's a toddler so she understands). DH had a firm word about how concerned we were and explained why - she's been much better since.

ImogenTubbs · 01/10/2016 20:53

When DD was that age she looked like she'd been blown up with a bicycle pump! So far (now at age 3) it has translated into a pretty healthy attitude to food. Yes she loves sweets but will quite happily eat broccoli, rice, beans, eggs, fish... and her weight is now totally normal. Don't worry.

TheHubblesWindscreenWipers · 01/10/2016 20:54

Worrying. Crack down on it right now.

Concerned face on: 'she's eating healthy food and the doctor is really happy with her growth. They don't overeat. '
(Hesitant pause... more fake concern.)
'Mil you know ten stone is a pretty healthy weight if you're not short... do you have worried about becoming larger or issues around food? It's ok if you do. It children are very impressionable and I will not have her body or weight criticised even though she's very young. As she gets older those comments could trigger disordered eating.'

DartmoorDoughnut · 01/10/2016 20:54

Doubtful oyster it would've probably been all about his healthy appetite and how he'd grow up to be a big lad - have a DS, that's what I hear!!

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/10/2016 20:55

FIL tried this. I fixed him with my beady eye and said, "food is not a battleground in this house". He is stopped if he tries it. I won't have that bullsht around my child.