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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To just be pissed off now

45 replies

Rollonbedtime7pm · 21/09/2016 20:27

My DS is 6 1/2. Since being out of nappies at night he has sporadically wet the bed.

He seems to recently be getting worse at how often it happens - we do the usual limiting drinks before bedtime, last wee before bed, nightlight so he can go if he needs to overnight etc.

The wetting itself is sort of not the problem (though becoming irritating as he sleeps on a top bunk so bed changing is a bloody nightmare!) it's the fact that he lies about having done it. He will get dressed when he gets up in the morning and I then find a stinky wet bed once he has gone to school! I am mortified that he goes off to school smelling of piss!

We're very clear with him that we are not cross about the wetting but very cross when he hides it. But still it continues... sometimes you discover it has been wet when you're putting him to bed back in it!

I think he is dreaming that he goes to the toilet as he swears he gets up to go - I used to have similar dreams and wet beds when I was a kid.

I am just pissed off now! Do I just keep getting angry when it happens?!

OP posts:

KindergartenKop · 21/09/2016 20:31

I'd just put him in pull ups, it's obviously causing tension. Lots of kids aren't dry at night at this age.

PrimarySchoolQ · 21/09/2016 20:34

He hides it because you get cross that he hides it and it gets associated with the wetting so he hides it and you get cross so he hides it so you get cross so he hides it.

Check his bed in the morning when he wakes up. Check it together. Praise when dry. Change when wet.

WhateverWillBe · 21/09/2016 20:35

I'm sure it's against official recommendations but have you tried lifting him?

Ds2 is 6 and has been out of pull ups for about 6 months but we lift him at about 11pm when we go up. Guaranteed that if we forget he'll have weed the bed in the morning but never happens when we lift him.

WhateverWillBe · 21/09/2016 20:35

Bugger, sorry, you said he's in the top bunk.

It might still be possible to lift him, just more of a pain.

minipie · 21/09/2016 20:36

Don't get cross.

You could ask the GP about an alarm/sensor thing that goes off when there is a tiny bit of wee. Wakes him up and over time he will associate the feeling of needing to wee with waking up. I hear they are often very successful, if there are no physical issues.

LimitedSedition · 21/09/2016 20:36

You say he's in the top bunk? Put him in the bottom or get a different bed- maybe he'd be more likely to go if it's less physical effort.

george1020 · 21/09/2016 20:37

Why don't you check as soon as he is up?
Wake him up in time to have a quick shower every morning just in case and check every morning.
It doesn't seem hard

As for him not telling you, maybe he is just embarrassed and worried. No matter how much you tell him it's fine HE might not feel like it's fine to tell you.
Put him in pull ups until he is ready.

hownottofuckup · 21/09/2016 20:39

Why don't you just check it in the morning? I'm not sure DD always knows if she's wet it, she certainly doesn't always say so I check, praise when dry get her to help me change it (in a nice way!) When wet.

WhooooAmI24601 · 21/09/2016 20:43

As pp's have said, being cross (even if it's not directly aimed at him) will make him more stressed. Smile, check him every morning, help him shower each morning and just offer pull-ups if he wants them. They more often than not grow out of it quite swiftly when they're ready, but it's a physical thing they're not in control of til their brain makes that connection with their bladder, so being cross/upset is just pointless.

Chinnygirl · 21/09/2016 20:44

A bedwetting alarm worked miracles for my nephew. He refused pull ups because he was a big boy but wet in his sleep every night till 7 1/2. He is also SN. My DB and SIL were at their wits end because nothing worked. Then they bought the alarm and within a few weeks he was dry. So my advice would be to try that.

Original poster

Rollonbedtime7pm · 21/09/2016 20:44

Honestly? I don't always check when he gets up because I also have a 3 year old and 5 month old to sort out and I guess I was hoping that a nearly 7 year old could tell me if he was wet - but clearly I have just brought this problem on myself

Guess I am really asking for advice on stopping the actual wetting as that would solve all the issues we have!

OP posts:

Moomichi · 21/09/2016 20:46

Could you set up the bathroom so that he could have a shower when he gets up? My 7 year old dd showers herself now. That way he's clean and he's taking responsibility for being clean before school. I'd ignore the wetting and not make an issue of it but say you are going to let him shower each morning as he's getting older?

Moomichi · 21/09/2016 20:48

Is all ok at school? Is he just a deep sleeper? You could buy the incontinece mats to go under the covers? Have you had him checked by doc for infections etc? Hopefully he will grow out of it xxx

TippiNoodlegruder · 21/09/2016 20:50

Night dryness is a hormonal thing, not a behavioural thing. If he's wetting he isn't ready. It's perfectly normal for children not to be dry at night until eight I think? Put him in pull ups and try again when you are taking off dry ones in the morning.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 21/09/2016 20:52

We had an issue with ds1, and a bed wetting alarm worked for him - and in the interim, we used a washable mat under the sheet, to protect the mattress.

We also lifted him for a last wee, just before we went to sleep - around 11.30pm, and that did cut down on the number of wet beds - though this isn't necessarily advised by bed wetting experts because children can almost do that hat last wee in their sleep, so people believe it can perpetuate the problem of seeing in their sleep. We thought it was worth it to cut down on the wet beds and laundry.

You can put a sheet, then the mat then a second sheet, which makes changing the bed a bit easier.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 21/09/2016 20:53

You could also leave moist wipes handy in the bathroom, and tell him they are there for him to clean himself up before he gets dressed, if he wakes up wet.

I might also consider getting him to help with stripping and remaking the bed - not in a punitive way, but just as a natural consequence.

Idefix · 21/09/2016 20:56

Hi op have a look at www.eric.org.uk/Parents/info_bedwetting_wetting_parents
This a really good website which will give you lots of info.
Your ds can't help this and for most children it stops before teen years. It may be worth asking for a referral to enuresis clinic more advise, not sure what age for this in uk.

Hope it gets easier, I think the hiding it is because he is sensing your frustration on some level.

YeOldMa · 21/09/2016 21:02

My boy had trouble getting through the night no matter what we did. I spoke to the GP about an alarm but he said they don't worry about bed wetting until they were 8. Now, he might not have been worried but my son hated it. I bought an alarm on eBay and within a week we'd cracked it.

passmethewineplease · 21/09/2016 21:04

No one was implying you've brought this on yourself OP..try not to be so defensive!

I have a nearly seven year old that sometimes wets the bed, she also hides the evidence. It's embarrassment for them, doesn't matter what we say to them about us not being bothered!

When I go in and get DD up I just lift her covers back and check, it's easy to do it in a way that doesn't feel like some sort of inspection.

I also have a one year old and a two year old to sort out, it's tough and stressful but it won't last forever!

CrohnicallyAspie · 21/09/2016 21:07

It is so hard sometimes to actually ask for help. Even now, as an adult. Never mind a 6 year old. The angrier you are, the harder it will be for him to tell you (even though you're angry at him not telling you, it just makes you seem a bit frightening and the words are harder to say)

Maybe he's just not ready to be dry at night. Ad the more he worries about it,the harder it is to be dry.

In the meantime could you try some sort of signal that you know means he wet but he doesn't have to actually say the words. Maybe something like him leaving his pjs in the bathroom (after showering) instead of his bedroom?
And I'd look into bed mats (you can get reusable or disposable). If you lay them over his sheet he could maybe change it himself.

RiverTam · 21/09/2016 21:07

I also wonder if the top bunk is an issue. Try him in a lower bed?

user1471461166 · 21/09/2016 21:09

What does he drink? Blackcurrant is known for aggravating the bladder so try cutting that out if you haven't already

Sparkletastic · 21/09/2016 21:09

Top bunk bed is a problem - sort that if you can. Contact your local community health visiting team and see if they have an enuresis support service. They are experts in supporting with different solutions.

fitgirl26 · 21/09/2016 21:12

My DS wet the bed until he was 13. I tried everything and he even had a bladder scan which concluded all was normal. I put him in pull-ups and he eventually grew out of it.

TheWitTank · 21/09/2016 21:12

I would put him in pull ups for now -he is clearly struggling with the situation and the stress of mummy and daddy being cross and not being able to help it won't improve things.
I would also get him up for a wee when I went to bed myself.

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