To just be pissed off now

[Rollonbedtime7pm]

My DS is 6 1/2. Since being out of nappies at night he has sporadically wet the bed.

He seems to recently be getting worse at how often it happens - we do the usual limiting drinks before bedtime, last wee before bed, nightlight so he can go if he needs to overnight etc.

The wetting itself is sort of not the problem (though becoming irritating as he sleeps on a top bunk so bed changing is a bloody nightmare!) it's the fact that he lies about having done it. He will get dressed when he gets up in the morning and I then find a stinky wet bed once he has gone to school! I am mortified that he goes off to school smelling of piss!

We're very clear with him that we are not cross about the wetting but very cross when he hides it. But still it continues... sometimes you discover it has been wet when you're putting him to bed back in it!

I think he is dreaming that he goes to the toilet as he swears he gets up to go - I used to have similar dreams and wet beds when I was a kid.

I am just pissed off now! Do I just keep getting angry when it happens?!

Can you move his matress to the floor temporarily and see if it helps with getting up for the loo?

Don't get cross, just check the bed as soon as he gets up.

If there are some nights dry I would offer a small reward in the morning for a dry bed. If you do go with the 'lifting' option I think the advice is to make sure they are fully awake otherwise you will be training him to wee whilst half asleep which isn't helpful. Blackcurrant juice irritates the bladder as well so I would cut that out if he drinks it. Other than that it's just time and boys tend to be later than girls with toileting.
If he's lying about it he may be embarrassed so I wouldn't make a big deal of that. Just make sure you have a quick check in the morning so he can shower if necessary.

get an alarm thingy off ebay there is no point putting him in pull ups for occasional wetness just explain if it goes off he needs to go to the toilet change the sheet and wipe and change himself

He won't be able to change the sheet on a bunk bed at 6 1/2 on his own in the middle of the night!

I think you do need to check the bed every morning.

Can you take the top bunk off and put it on the floor for a while, even if it does make the room cramped?

Don't be angry. He's not doing it because he's lazy or malicious. Trying the alarm and putting him in a more accessible bed might help. I do sympathise. I used to get cross when poor DS soiled himself and couldn't seem to manage, and it turns out that that was one of the effects of his Ehlers Danlos syndrome, and he really couldn't help it. It will get better.

Keep in mind its not deliberate.
He is probaly lying as he is scared of disapointing you.

He probably hasnt got the hormones to wake him up yet.

Teach him how to have a wash in the morning.
Teach him how to change the bed, have a spare duvet with clean cover out. Clean fitted sheets.
He can do this in the morning.

For during the night try a sleeping bag on the floor so if he wakes up wet and cold.

Or use pull ups for a while.

My DS struggled at nights for several years after starting school. He was OK for a summer then when nights got darker he started wetting again - I think maybe he slept slightly longer in the mornings. I just put him back in pull ups for another year or so until he wanted to try again - and we're fine now (he's 8 1/2). He has ASD and was a nightmare to toilet train, so I thought that was why we were having problems at night - but actually when I spoke to other Mums, it's really common! Quite a few kids were in pull ups at night, some until 8/9/10 - and I think we often just don't realise that! Plus I read somewhere that kids have a switch in their brains that tells them to wake up when they need the loo - and until that kicks in, you've no hope. Can happen at 4, can happen at 10. Until then, use pull ups. Good luck.

He's probably just not ready to be dry yet - not at all uncommon at that ageing you're not noticing until after he's gone to school then he isn't going to school stinking of piss - little boy wee doesn't smell awful in small quantities.

Enuresis clinics won't be interested until he's 8 or 9 or even older, depending on your area, however for one off once rights (eg sleepovers) your GP may be able to prescribe a medication he can take at bedtime. Not every night though especially at his age.

Practically, you could look at washable bed pads - they are absorbent, go over the regular sheets, and you just change them rather than the whole bed. Much simpler to do so less stress for you. And maybe get him into a routine of quick shower in the morning every morning rather than at night, so it doesn't feel like a punishment or something extra, just normal every day life?

He will grow out of it in time. But some children take longer than others, and it's unlikely that he can do anything himself to control it, however annoying it is for you.
Pull ups or dry nites are great if he will wear them and a sanity saver all round rather than a step backwards.

All the training stuff is bollocks, frankly - alarms, treats etc - night wetting is to do with a hormone (forgive me, I forget the details).

I understand your frustration OP. DS was a frequent wetter until nearly 7. Then it stopped, as it were overnight.

I would:
take him to the loo as you go to bed, semi wake him
thick plastic sheet on bed
Laundry basket by bed (agree upper bunk is a problem)
Wet wipes accessible in bathroom and bedside
Or if it is more like every night revert to pull ups for a few more months

You absolutely should not be getting cross about any aspect of this.

He's probably ashamed of it and scared of your reaction. Working out which bit of it you're cross about is not upper most in his mind.

What the heck do you think being angry is going to achieve?

It may be the top bunk. He could be subconsciously holding it in. DS used to poo the bed & we only fixed the problem accidentally when we had an older boy stay with us and had to move him down. From that first night he started waking up to use the loo, which was bloody amazing tbh.

Just out of interest does he snore? Because this was my DS.... www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/child-bedwetting
tonsils out and it stopped almost immediately. Obviously because this was the reason....but worth asking in case it could be the same for your DS. Good luck.

We had the alarm for DS1 it woke everyone up bar him. He grew out of it at around 9. Praise him for letting you know but do not praise for being dry as that just confirms the negativity for being wet.

Is he happy at school could something be bothering him. My child kept on wetting the bed until I decided to HE and then it stopped. He could be lazy and not wanting to get out of bed. I remember my brother having that issue. I remember wetting the bed once.

Get him in the shower every morning regardless.

Don't check the bed until he has gone to school.

Change the bed and sheets without comment.

By doing all of the above you totally eliminate the tension / stress for both of you and you may find it stops.

I understand your frustration op. Having to deal with a wet bed on top of getting others up and out isn't always easy and I have been guilty of forgetting myself until bedtime rolls round again.

Ds2(4) went through a period of wetting the bed after being dry 2 years as he started school a few weeks ago. Simply the change to his routine triggered it. He'd either come and wake us or, more usually, take his wet pjs off and put a towel over the wet patch in his bed and go back to sleep - hence we didn't always know until the next bedtime. He's done this at odd times too but this was an every night thing despite reducing fluids towards bedtime, regular wees before bed. We put him back in pull ups and lifted him when we went to bed. He's been dry again for a week. Our rule for him was 2 dry pull-ups in a row he could try without again.

Ds1 is a little more problematic as at 6, he does still wet himself deliberately during tantrums etc. But we applied the same logic and rules.

I'd say if it's a recent thing then what's changed and can he be reassured? New teacher/classroom? Did it start when you were pregnant with number 3 or did it happen before then. The arrival of siblings can unconsciously upset our kids, even if on the surface everything seems fine.

I do also agree that you need to stop showing your anger and frustration as it really won't help. Strip the bed together. Get waterproof sheets and layer the mattress up so there's already at least one change on it. I do it with mine and with my grandmother. It makes a middle of the night change so much quicker. Keep a large blanket nearby in case the duvet gets wet too.

It might just be one of those things that you do have to put up with and let it run its course. But of at any time ds is getting distressed about it, seek medical advice again.

Know that it should come to an end and consider a positive reward system for every dry morning. But don't remove earned rewards for wet ones. I'd hope with a positive facade, your ds would realise you aren't cross at him and can eventually learn it's the situation.

HanYOLO, it may be hormonal, it may be something else. My DD had bladder problems due to lack of muscle tone, I don't know what was wrong with my son's bladder but the fact the alarm worked almost immediately suggests it wasn't hormonal. Just the fact he could relax at night knowing the alarm would stop him from having a wet bed seemed to do the trick and the OP might find something within all the alarm/training stuff that helps her son. My guess is he hates the situation he is in too.

that's interesting mumsiedarling - my DS suffered with tonsilitis - but grew out of it around the same age as he outgrew the bedwetting

user's advice is good to take the pressure out of the situation.