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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU or is my friend?- Comment about cleaning

41 replies

NickyEds · 12/09/2016 11:12

I have a friend who brings her dc over to my house every now and then. I wouldn't say we were close but we get on and I like her. She is often quite complimentary about my house, comments that it's tidy etc. My house is just normal I would say, clean and organised but very definitely a house with two small dc in it! The last time she came over she said "oh your house is always so clean and tidy! You're so lucky that you enjoy cleaning, I wish I did but I always find something more interesting to do!", she said it in a bit of a pointed way. I have no fucking idea where she got the idea that I find cleaning interesting from

Would you take that comment as a bit of a dig? Or am I being a bit precious?

OP posts:

LyndaNotLinda · 12/09/2016 11:15

I think she meant that as a dig at herself rather than you and is probably worried that you think she lives in a shit tip.

What did you say? Did you just cock an eyebrow and point out that you don't enjoy it but you like to be organised?

electricflyzapper · 12/09/2016 11:15

Well it might have been a dig, but if I had said it, it wouldn't have been intended that way. I have never been able to keep my house to a respectable standard. It isn't a pit, but it isn't as clean as other people's houses. I am just rather too lazy, I don't mind admitting it. Maybe she is the same? So not having a dig at you, just very conscious that your house is cleaner than hers, and a bit embarrassed that you might have noticed that too?

GiddyGiddyGoat · 12/09/2016 11:15

So why didn't you say something like that to her - ask her why she assumes that / tell her actually you find it insufferable dull but necessary?

PuntasticUsername · 12/09/2016 11:16

Ha, no, doesn't sound like a dig at you so much as just trying to make herself feel better about her own lack of cleaning.

Yorkieheaven · 12/09/2016 11:16

Oh she's jealous op.

I see no pride in a messy dirty house although have friends who seem to pride themselves on not doing cleaning as they are somehow too clever to bother.

Ignore her or tell her she's a lazy cow in a jokey way.

spanky2 · 12/09/2016 11:18

She means that you must like it do it. I'm not sure that's true, but it's her opinion. I don't like cleaning but like having a clean house more. Maybe she feels inadequate as her house isn't clean and tidy and she felt bad about it. Or she meant that you like cleaning and she doesn't so she does something she enjoys more? Do you think she's implying that you are boring?

HarryPottersMagicWand · 12/09/2016 11:18

It does sound like a bit of a dig, possibly that you are boring if she finds something more interesting to do. That's how I would take it. Reply with "well I just can't take living in a dirty shit tip" and smile sweetly.

abbsismyhero · 12/09/2016 11:19

Well I like to maintain certain standards is a good response and will have her starting a thread on Mumsnet in no time

Creativemode · 12/09/2016 11:19

I very much doubt she meant anything by it.

She's probably just embarrassed if her house is messy.

I really wouldn't lose your friendship over a daft comment.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 12/09/2016 11:20

I have a friend who's house is always spotless and I always say so. I say it as a dig to myself rather than to her so I think she is being complementary to you

RhodaBorrocks · 12/09/2016 11:20

It's the sort of thing I say when I go to my friends because my house is so fucking cluttered and I feel like a slattern in comparison. She's lovely though and the first to point out her DC are teens, she works part time, has a DH who helps and is healthy. I have primary school aged DC, work full time, am a single parent and am disabled.

I still feel like shit about my house though. I've just got to deal utter enough before I can get a regular cleaner to come.

She was totally giving you a backhanded compliment.

RiverTam · 12/09/2016 11:21

I think she was having a dig. People (like me, in the past ) often assume that if your house is clean and tidy then you're a boring person with no other interests. My house is messy and not that clean because I'm lazy and can while away hours doing nothing in particular. I'm sure if I sorted myself out I could have a reasonably clean and tidy house and other interests too.

MrsJoeyMaynard · 12/09/2016 11:22

What's her house like? If it's usually on the messy and / or dirty side, then she might have been trying to make herself feel better about the state of her house.

Creativemode · 12/09/2016 11:22

Btw I'd probably say something like that and it definitely wouldn't be a dig but more a bit of envy at how tidy your home is.

mrstiggy · 12/09/2016 11:26

If I had said this it would have very much been a dig at myself rather than at you. In the way of 'I always find something more interesting, like reading mumsnet or eating cake'. More about how I am easily distracted and a bit lazy rather than you are boring and must enjoy it as you have nothing more interesting in your life to do. However I don't know her and it could have easily been the second option, only you can judge it on her sense of humour. So no, I don't think you are being precious as it's quite an awkwardly phrased comment anyway and most people would have raised their eyebrows at it I think.

Badders123 · 12/09/2016 11:36

Oh yeah.
I get this all the time 😀
I don't live in a show home but I also dont like living in mess and clutter.

I work, I have hobbies, I don't enjoy cleaning (who does?!) but it's a necessary evil if you want to live in pleasant and hygienic surroundings.
I really do feel, as I have gotten older, that the state of someone's living space is often a very good indicator of their emotional and mental health tbh.

GingerbreadGingerbread · 12/09/2016 11:40

It's a dig. She's insecure because she obviously lives like a pig and isn't on top of her life.

Just say: "Oh really? Like what?"

Then tell her you only clean for 30 mins a day but say you personally prefer to live in a healthy environment.

Original poster

NickyEds · 12/09/2016 11:40

I did raise my eyebrow a bit. I said that it wasn't interesting just one of those things you have to do. It felt like a bit of a dig tbh.

Her house is fine, not as organised as mine but by no means a shit tip.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 12/09/2016 11:43

Sounds like a dig at herself because she doesn't feel her house is as clean/tidy as she'd like it to be.

Tbh, the only thing more boring than housework to me, is talking about housework.

Badders123 · 12/09/2016 11:44

My (older) friend came round a few months ago.
Her house is....not tidy! It bugs her but she refuses to either clean or sort it out so she has to live with it.
She looked around, admired my new sofa and then said
"Your house is always so clean and tidy"
I smiled
Then she said
"Of course you have a lot more time than I do"
Ahem.
She is retired, has no children and makes herself busy to stay out of the house as it gets to her so much!
I have 2 young DC, I work pt and my Dh often works away
But yeah.....whatever!
🙄😀

HarryPottersMagicWand · 12/09/2016 11:45

I don't see it as her being envious though. My house is always spotlessly tidy when people visit and I do get comments but it's never been put how she put it. It's the word interesting. I've had people say it in a 'your home is so organised I wish mine was more like it' tone, not a 'well you must be boring to do so much cleaning and tidying because I have far more interesting things to do'.

gamerchick · 12/09/2016 11:45

People always compare their house to yours I think, well those who live in a shit hole and are aware they could do more cleaning. Then they have to put you down to make themselves feel better.

Cleaning doesn't take long to keep on top of. I certainly don't spend loads of time cleaning but my house is clean and organised.

NoahVale · 12/09/2016 12:00

no, she is being nice. and tryign to excuse her laziness

Deux · 12/09/2016 12:01

Of course it's a dig.

She's clearly saying that she has interesting things to do and that she doesn't like cleaning.

You, on the other hand, like cleaning and have nothing more interesting to do.

She is trying to justify her own behaviour to herself and putting you down in the process.

Arfarfanarf · 12/09/2016 13:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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