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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hide in my bedroom MNing while PIL are here?

42 replies

myownperson · 07/09/2016 16:25

I don't think I am but I still need to be told not to feel guilty Smile

Or maybe this is really rude? Confused

Separated from husband but still have my PIL to visit most weeks.

I'll go down soon to make some tea for everyone but figure it's OK to leave them playing with kids for a little while.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 07/09/2016 16:28

Why do they play with the DC at yours and not when they're with your Ex?

If they must visit (do you like them) I think it's a bit unwelcoming...

Gottagetmoving · 07/09/2016 16:30

Yes, it's really rude.

HeavenlyHeathen · 07/09/2016 16:32

I think it's great you're allowing them to visit in your home after separation.

But it is rude you're not there imo.

Go and make them feel welcome. They've made an effort to see the DC

BeardMinge · 07/09/2016 16:33

YABU, it's really rude and a shit example to set for your children. Just go and make them a cuppa and make some small talk ffs, you're an adult not a teenager.

Tiggeryoubastard · 07/09/2016 16:34

Yes, I agree, that is really rude.

SaucyJack · 07/09/2016 16:35

Depends how it's done.

Assuming you're welcoming and friendly when they get there, then I don't see the biggie in making them a cuppa and leaving them to it.

They've come to see the kid(s). Not you.

Sassypants82 · 07/09/2016 16:36

I think it's important that they get alone time with the kids, especially in a separation situation. I think they might appreciate you making yourself scarce for a bit.

ageingrunner · 07/09/2016 16:36

I think it's fine to leave them playing with the kids. You're getting a break too. Would it be better though if they visited the children at your husband's home?

bibbitybobbityyhat · 07/09/2016 16:38

Yes, it is rude. I would expect to need to explain that to a young teen, not a full grown adult tbh.

Original poster
myownperson · 07/09/2016 16:54

Just go and make them a cuppa and make some small talk ffs, you're an adult not a teenager.

They've had cake and a cuppa. I've been making small talk week after week for many years.

They've come to see the kid(s). Not you.
That's what I figured.

Sassy that's what I think. But I'm not 100% sure as they turn up and tell me all their health news.

Im saving my sanity but I'll accept it's rude. I got about 5 mins before the kids came looking for me anyway.

I'm off to make tea.

OP posts:
Dogolphin · 07/09/2016 17:04

I think you are doing wonderfully well to facilitate your children's relationship with your ex's parents and if you need five minutes and a moan and some support every so often then go for it.

Soozikinzi · 07/09/2016 17:06

As a step grandparent and a grandparent of divorced family I think it's really lovely that the grandparents get some time on their own in charge of their grand children xx

sonjadog · 07/09/2016 17:07

I think it is a bit rude to be MNing, but on the other hand, it is good for them to have alone time with th kids. Could you rather go out for a walk/ do some errands so that they get alone time and it isn´t so obvious that you are getting off side on purpose?

DozyDoriss · 07/09/2016 17:11

OP you sound just like a friend of mine!

Her ex pil (well mil mostly) visit every week, it would drive me crazy.

SpookyPotato · 07/09/2016 17:14

I think you've done it right... Welcomed them, made them a drink etc and left them to be with the kids alone.

AcrossthePond55 · 07/09/2016 17:14

You know you're NBU. They don't contribute to your life in a positive way.

You need to speak to stbx and iLs at some point about these visits being held elsewhere

HeavenlyHeathen · 07/09/2016 17:17

You're wrong across.

The gp do contribute to her life in a positive way by having a relationship with her DC.

How is that not positive?

Not making them feel welcome and staying out of the way isn't a positive way to behave in front of your DC

terrifyingtoes · 07/09/2016 17:19

Makes sense to me. Once you've got the welcome & basic small talk over & done with, leave them be. Not rude.

SaucyJack · 07/09/2016 17:20

In what way is she not making them feel welcome?

Maybe they'd prefer she wasn't there* so they could have some quality time with their GC.

*no offence. I'm sure you're a lovely ex-DIL :-)

Gottagetmoving · 07/09/2016 17:23

Her ex pil (well mil mostly) visit every week, it would drive me crazy

Having grandparents visit their grandchildren every week would drive you crazy?
I would be pleased they made the effort and think of the positive effect it had for my children.

DozyDoriss · 07/09/2016 17:30

Because they are the EX'S parents??

They take them out every other weekend but still insist on visiting my friend in the week. They divorced 5 years ago and ex-h is on his 3rd wife!

PurpleCrazyHorse · 07/09/2016 17:31

I think it's fine although I'd say I was upstairs ironing, on the computer working or some such. I wouldn't disappear without a word. It's nice for them to have time with the children without being watched.

I'd probably mix it up a bit so sometimes you're there, sometimes in the kitchen, sometimes upstairs. But other than that I think it's lovely that you're facilitating access.

When my PIL visit, I say hi, make small talk, sit with them, sort tea and cake, often ask if they mind me doing some jobs while they play with the kids. It's the same thing.

DozyDoriss · 07/09/2016 17:40

Because they are the EX'S parents??

They take them out every other weekend but still insist on visiting my friend in the week. They divorced 5 years ago and ex-h is on his 3rd wife!

ageingrunner · 07/09/2016 17:44

Could you use the time to go out and do some shopping or something op?

hesterton · 07/09/2016 17:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.