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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not feel like apologising at all now

64 replies

Myusernameismyusername · 01/09/2016 14:26

I drove my car a little too fast earlier out of where I live as I was distracted and not really being considerate.
I was in the wrong. It wasn't more than 10mph but it's still wrong as I couldn't see clearly around the corner I pulled.
Unfortunately a male neighbour witnessed this and began to aggressively scream/shout at me through my car window about what a fucking idiot I am.
I said 'sorry' in a not very apologetic tone but he continued to SCREAM. I drove off.

Anyway from experience with other neighbours I am quite sure this isn't the last he will say on the matter as the last neighbour this happened to, he went round, knocked on the door and yelled more, but I now do not want to apologise in fact I am quite annoyed I didn't run him over.

I won't speed again and be more considerate but AIBU to not apologise to someone who is so aggressive and nasty?

OP posts:
TheWitTank · 01/09/2016 14:30

You should have aplogised sincerely as you drove dangerously -I'm not surprised he was pissy with you. Yes, screaming was OTT, but you were being a knob. You could have caused an accident or killed him (yes, even at 10mph)

Original poster
Myusernameismyusername · 01/09/2016 14:32

I would have been more sincere if it wasn't so aggressive. I think that's why I find it hard to do it. He's notoriously a really horrible man

OP posts:
Pineappletastic · 01/09/2016 14:33

YANBU. People make mistakes, I imagine you'd have been more chastised if he'd pointed yours out nicely.

If he comes round tell him you've apologised already, and his shouting at you isn't going to turn back time. TBH if he screamed at me on my doorstep I'd threaten to call the police.

manyathingyouknow · 01/09/2016 14:34

YANBU.

He sounds a sandwich short of a picnic

jimbob1 · 01/09/2016 14:35

YANBU.
You were wrong yes but being rude and screaming at you isn't going to make you feel apologetic, just defensive and pissed off.

KoalaDownUnder · 01/09/2016 14:35

What kind of things was he screaming at you??

BittyWanter · 01/09/2016 14:36

Even if his reaction is a bit dickish you're in the wrong and being dickish yourself great example of the english language there

NNChangeAgain · 01/09/2016 14:37

I have found that the best way to deal with people like this is to tell them that they are right, and that you agree with them, that you made a mistake and will be more aware next time.

Then, if he continues confronting you, ask what it is that he'd like you to do?

saying that, you're under no obligation to accept abuse and rudeness - so maybe just ignore the door when he calls?

Irelephant · 01/09/2016 14:37

I'd go back and run him over. Bet he wouldn't of been so quick to shout on if you were a bloke.

AnnaMarlowe · 01/09/2016 14:38

10 mph is a lot in a residential area.

You are completely in the wrong.

The fact that he is a horrible aggressive man doesn't make you less wrong.

If he knocks on the door to complain just politely say:

"You are quite right. I was totally in the wrong. I won't do it again. I'm very sorry"

And then shut the door.

tofutti · 01/09/2016 14:39

What were you doing? 40 in a 30? Around a corner? You could have killed him. YABU.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 01/09/2016 14:39

He sounds a sandwich short of a picnic Hmm

Because the OP was driving 10 mph over the limit, that means the neighbour has MH issues??

Original poster
Myusernameismyusername · 01/09/2016 14:41

He was really angry and shouting that I was a fucking idiot, people live there and I have no consideration etc. I've never done it before I am always careful and quite annoyed with myself that I could have hurt someone. It was a silly distracted moment I wasn't even in a hurry.

I am not for one moment disputing that I am in any way not in the wrong. I AM WRONG Grin

I just feel fucked off at someone speaking to me like that in a really scary aggressive way. Kids weren't there but they would have crapped themselves.

OP posts:
Heirhelp · 01/09/2016 14:41

His behaviour was rude and anti social. It could have resulted in somebody being upset or intimidated. Your behaviour was selfish and dangerous. It could have resulted in you killing someone.

You are significantly more unreasonable than him and I think that this is what ia bothering you.

Original poster
Myusernameismyusername · 01/09/2016 14:42

Less than 10mph, it's a tight corner. I approached it too fast and then braked when I realised I couldn't see

OP posts:
catsofa · 01/09/2016 14:43

TBF your carelessness could have killed someone.

thedogstinks · 01/09/2016 14:44

I get irate at people speeding through our streets (which double as walkways). The limit is 15kph.

But I don't respond to aggression from aggressive males. He's made his point. I'd shut the door on him.

Original poster
Myusernameismyusername · 01/09/2016 14:44

AnnaMarlowe that's a good apology I think I will say that if he does come round. And keep the door on the chain! Blush

OP posts:
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 01/09/2016 14:50

Yes I agree. He probably would not have screamed at you if you were bloke.
However. What were you thinking. You were distracted.!!!!. You can't afford to let stress take over on the roads. You have to be in complete control. You have a potential killing machine in your hands, FFS.
Heaven forbid you'd have killed/seriously injured someone, okay not highly likely doing 10mph but not impossible either.
Your I was distracted excuse would not stand up in a court of Law.
If you do get distracted behind the wheel. Then perhaps you shouldn't be driving.
Too many of these distractions. It'll only be a matter of time before someone is badly hurt or killed.

AnnaMarlowe · 01/09/2016 14:54

Myusername good for you.

You do have to apologise. You don't have to listen to continued ranting.

Make fulsome apology without excuses and then say goodbye.

LagunaBubbles · 01/09/2016 14:54

What were you doing? 40 in a 30? Around a corner? You could have killed him. YABU

Because the OP was driving 10 mph over the limit

OP clearly states in her first post she was going at 10mph, not 10 mph over the speed limit.

rosiecam · 01/09/2016 14:55

Wait, are you saying you were driving at 10 mph, or at 10 mph over the limit?

You say 10 mph, but others seem to be assuming you were going too fast.

IMO, in the first case, YANBU, in the second case, YABU and should keep your head down and be glad nothing bad happened.

Either way, admit nothing. I would not even apologise in case it is taken as an admission of guilt. Nobody was hurt, nobody can prove what speed you were going, there is no reason to give information that could lead to him making serious accusations or even calling the police on you.

Original poster
Myusernameismyusername · 01/09/2016 14:55

NO MORE THAN 10MPH Grin

OP posts:
BreconBeBuggered · 01/09/2016 14:56

Hang on, OP was doing 10mph, not 10mph over the limit. If some pps want to flame her, at least make sure it's for what she actually did.

rosiecam · 01/09/2016 14:56

xpost Laguna