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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not feel like apologising at all now

64 replies

Myusernameismyusername · 01/09/2016 14:26

I drove my car a little too fast earlier out of where I live as I was distracted and not really being considerate.
I was in the wrong. It wasn't more than 10mph but it's still wrong as I couldn't see clearly around the corner I pulled.
Unfortunately a male neighbour witnessed this and began to aggressively scream/shout at me through my car window about what a fucking idiot I am.
I said 'sorry' in a not very apologetic tone but he continued to SCREAM. I drove off.

Anyway from experience with other neighbours I am quite sure this isn't the last he will say on the matter as the last neighbour this happened to, he went round, knocked on the door and yelled more, but I now do not want to apologise in fact I am quite annoyed I didn't run him over.

I won't speed again and be more considerate but AIBU to not apologise to someone who is so aggressive and nasty?

OP posts:
Atenco · 01/09/2016 14:56

AnnaMarlowe hit it on the head. You ARE genuinely sorry, why not say so?

I would have screamed at you too. And apart from anything else, I honestly think we should do our best to get on with our neighbours if only because they can truly make our lives hell if we don't.

BreconBeBuggered · 01/09/2016 14:56

X-post. I was posting at 5mph. Too slow.

Original poster
Myusernameismyusername · 01/09/2016 14:58

I was going a little too fast even in my opinion, and especially in his.
It's hard to explain the layout but you have to pull around a very tight corner which I approached too fast. I realised and corrected myself. He then screamed at me for the speed on my approach.

OP posts:
AGruffaloCrumble · 01/09/2016 14:58

She pulled out of a corner she couldn't see around at 10mph.

BigTroubleInLittleChina · 01/09/2016 14:58

Apologise for your lapse in concentration but tell him not to speak to you in that manner again.......or

I can improve my driving but you'll always be a twat.

BittyWanter · 01/09/2016 14:59

So I take it back-I read it as 10mph more than the speed limit.

Yanbu.

Original poster
Myusernameismyusername · 01/09/2016 15:00

Ok I think that's what I will do. I am sorry but if he speaks to me like that again it's just OTT and unacceptable IMO

OP posts:
Farmmummy · 01/09/2016 15:02

You admit you were wrong and you don't make a habit of it and you apologised (sincerely or otherwise) job done. You are under no obligation to open the door to him or indeed stand near it and listen to him.

Witchend · 01/09/2016 15:04

So if your children had been there his screaming at you could have frightened them.
Otoh if someone else's children had been in the wring place you could have killed them.

shovetheholly · 01/09/2016 15:15

I would be really, really firm with him, to the point of brusqueness.

'I realise that I was going too fast, I have apologised for that at the time. I apologise again now: I am sorry and I won't be doing it again. However, I assure you that this matter is now closed and I will regard any further mention of it from you, particularly in a raised tone of voice, as harassment.'

At 10mph you were unlikely to kill anybody, since at double that - 20mph - the chance of death is about 5%. So people should stop being hyperbolic!

hellsbellsmelons · 01/09/2016 15:20

You were doing 10mph!!! (or under)
What is the speed limit on that corner?
I'm not sure you were actually 'in the wrong'
You may have felt you entered the bend a bit too fast but he's a cock.
Tell him that from me! Grin

I originally thought you were doing 10mph over the already set speed limit.
You weren't and you probably weren't breaking any laws either.

dustarr73 · 01/09/2016 15:23

2 wrongs dont make a right but this man sounds a bit over teh top.The op says he has form for this,

My advice is dont open the door to him.

HarmlessChap · 01/09/2016 15:58

If he was genuinely concerned at your driving then he was right to shout, if you realised you were wrong you should have said something in a more sincere way. If he is a reasonable person and wants to discuss the matter with you at a later date he should remain calm while doing so. If he comes around ranting then don't open the door if he comes around and is calm admit it was wrong and silly and that you should have been being more careful, then show him out.

I suspect that he's just one of the angry types looking for a lightning conductor for his anger, for those stating I bet he wouldn't have shouted if you were a man, IME people like this do still shout at blokes, but they may be quicker to back down if they feel their aggressive intimidation isn't working.

minionsrule · 01/09/2016 16:09

Where I live everyone marks on a service road at the back of the houses, there is one quite elderly lady who always speeds round the corner, it is a blind bend and she has nearly smashed into my car a few times when I have been driving slowly in. I would be pissed with you too, although I wouldn't scream

minionsrule · 01/09/2016 16:10

parks even Blush

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 01/09/2016 16:21

You made a mistake. You know you were wrong. He shouted at you. You apologised to him even though he had no right to a personal apology. That should be the end of it.

If he does come to your house to shout at you further, that is not OK. That is bullying behaviour. You don't have to take it. You should not take it. You know he is a bully already so you should be extra careful to shut him down fast and firmly.

Don't apologise further, don't discuss your driving.

  1. "I have nothing to say to you. Please leave me alone."

  2. "I have already asked you to leave me alone. Please stop this harassment of me. "

  3. "Leave me alone or I will call the police."

  4. say nothing, call the police.

MinonsMovie · 01/09/2016 16:22

Would you be able to take control of the situation? Knock on his door before he comes to yours?

Part one, explain your ungracious 'sorry' this morning as a knee jerk reaction to his aggression.
Part two, genuinely apologise for your actions (being careful not to justify why you did it).
Part three, say, "going forward I hope we can both make better choices" (or something that isn't geared to a 5yo - no idea how to word it!)

Then leave, do not engage, unless of course he is lovely about it. I doubt he will expect you to do that and it might make for a great resolution.

LittleBeautyBelle · 01/09/2016 16:44

No, do not apologize, you already did. You're not going to drive that way again, and he was screaming at you?! Ignore him or tell him to his face to get away from you or you'll call the police. Turn the tables on him.

bearleftmonkeyright · 01/09/2016 16:45

Are you sure you were only doing 10mph? Because that is a pretty extreme reaction to that kind of speed. I live on a small estate on a crescent and people drive like twats past my house all the time so part of me is siding with this guy. Just take more care, I wouldn't bother engaging again but he may have witnessed a car accident or lost someone in a car accident. Or he may just be an utter knob, who knows?

Original poster
Myusernameismyusername · 01/09/2016 16:55

There's no possible way I had enough of a run up to go more than 10mph, just pulled away to the corner I just accelerated too much too soon instead of taking it steady. I've said to people before they have gone a bit fast - there are no kids who live here and not a very heavy pedestrian type area with a couple of houses, but my cat is always out there and other cats so I tend to be careful because of them.

He regularly annoys other people by parking his very long car near the corner so you almost can't get around it from either direction. But I would have thought someone was going too fast if I had seen it.

I think if I was a regular offender who didn't give a crap I would deserve it but as I have lived here years and generally always taken it slow I think it was OTT and intimidating.

Thanks tho because I think I will apologise if he chooses a confrontation but I am not about to go knock on his door and possibly get more aggression

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 01/09/2016 16:57

i would watch how i rive in future someone killed their dc just by reversing out of their drive as they didnt see them

but the mans clearly a twat

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 01/09/2016 16:58

I disagree with apologising any further. He called you a fucking idiot amongst other things. That's not OK.

You nearly took a blind corner too quickly (10mph too quickly?). You had to break sharply. Then you took the corner at a proper speed. That wasn't smart. It was potentially dangerous. You know that. All the same, you did no harm to anyone. You did no harm to him.

He just witnessed you breaking sharply to avoid taking a corner too fast.

How fucking dare he scream abuse at you?! Shouting "Oi, be careful!" or similar might be reasonable. Shouting anything isn't really necessary though is it? Anyone who has had to break sharply obviously knows they misjudged something. Sounds like you got a tirade of abuse. Not OK. Very very far from OK.

You didn't do anything to him at all and he's not the police. He has no right to demand an apology from you and you've no need to give him an apology at all.

In fact, you shouldn't have said "sorry" to him in the first place even half heartedly. You could have said "I misjudged that! I'll have to be more careful in future." But tbh I wouldn't have said anything to someone having a road rage tantrum near me. Especially if that someone is known to be the neighbourhood bully.

sonjadog · 01/09/2016 17:09

You said you apologized at the time. Why would you need to do it again? ou made a mistake, you realize it and you said sorry. Do people want you to self-flagellate in the middle of the cul-de-sac? If he comes round, tell him to piss off.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 01/09/2016 17:09

I think I will apologise if he chooses a confrontation I wouldn't. It implies you think he is within his rights to have a go at you.

I'd be either far more forthright if he gives you any abuse at any time.

"I do not speak to people who are rude to me. Come back when you are ready to have a polite conversation." Repeat the exact words any time he attempts confrontation. Like you would with a rude child.

willowtreecottage · 01/09/2016 17:14

" Watch out " would have worked.
A sustained rant is just daft.
You took a bend too fast right?
Around 10mph. Not a hanging crime.

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