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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be worried about dh going back to work after paternity.

29 replies

Jayne266 · 31/08/2016 09:00

Dh has gone back to work today and ds is in nursery. And it's just me and dd who is 7 days old. I am still recovering from the birth and stitches and just generally worried I will struggle.
Anyone else in a similar situation today?

OP posts:

scarednoob · 31/08/2016 09:02

not today, but I remember well how awful I felt when DP went back to work and left me with DD for the first time.

you'll be fine, OP. exhausted and sore, but absolutely fine. hope your little one is kind to you and does lots of sleeping :)

VioletBam · 31/08/2016 09:03

Not today but I've been there yes. congratulations on DS!

Are you breast feeding? Do you have any family or friends who could pop by or get you anything from the shops?

I didn't have that and it was awful...but I managed after a week of lying on the sofa while poor DD1 ran riot around me. The house was destroyed!

Do you feel ok in yourself generally?

TeaBelle · 31/08/2016 09:04

You'll be fine - as you only have the baby at home all you need to sorry about is feeding/changing and making sure you rest

SomedayBaby · 31/08/2016 09:05

No, but I remember what it was like. I found it scarier the second time around as there was more to do - not only baby stuff but having to care for ds1 - including preparing dinner, bath and bed time etc.

Think of the big stuff that needs doing - dinner for dc 1 for instance - and make sure you shop/prep in the evening or weekend when your dh is there to help. Don't leave yourself in the position of having a screaming baby and half hour of cooking to do for dc1 - get some stuff made and frozen that you can bung in the microwave if you need to.

Tbh op, you'll probably not know your arse from your elbow for a few weeks...but it does settle down and you just realise one day that you're not struggling anymore, as you get used to it

Mouikey · 31/08/2016 09:20

Congratulations!

I have a 5 week old and really worried about DH going back to work. It was a bit stressful until I realised my focus should be on baby and what she needed! I was lucky to get lunch to begin with and some days it was a celebration of I managed to write a thank you card (to be honest I still haven't finished them!!).

Getting out the house is still difficult so we plan to do very little (say one thing a day!).

We ebf so that was hard when out and about, but as you no doubt know, dignity goes out the window and I really don't care where I BF now!!!

Yesterday we didn't get downstairs until 11:30 but the world kept turning and we all survived!!!!

Take things easy and enjoy your new baby (btw it's normal to worry about everything!!)

Original poster

Jayne266 · 31/08/2016 09:22

Those comments made me feel much better I am generally well in myself just the stitches and possibly spd ( will check this with my midwife tomorrow). I do have my mum close by if I need chocolate . And I have the pram if needed but I can't walk too far. I know me though if I don't have some dinner ready and the house tidy when ds and dh get home I will feel lazy.

OP posts:

Runningupthathill82 · 31/08/2016 09:28

Sod the dinner and the tidy house - your DH can clean up and cook when he gets in. And if he gets in too late to make "proper" food, I'm sure poached eggs on toast or similar would be just fine!

You'll be grand OP. Stay in bed, lots of feeding, lots of cuddles, snooze when you can. Once your DS gets home there will be less chance of a nap, I'm sure!

ineedwine99 · 31/08/2016 09:31

I know how you feel, baby is 3 weeks old, I was panicking when my husband went back to work and had baby blue for 5 days before he went back, but it was all fine in the end, I also had stitches, ibuprofen was my friend :-)
All the best, you'll be great.

ToffeeForEveryone · 31/08/2016 09:31

7 days old and you are supposed to be making dinner and tidying the house? Ridiculous!

When DS was 7 days old I might possibly have found the time to call the Dominoes man, but cooking actual food was quite low on my list of priorities!

Ready meals / DH gets fish and chips / mum brings round something. For at least another week! And tidying can definitely wait until DH is home to do it

Annnnd you should ask for sandwiches and snacks made and laid out for you in the fridge before DH leaves in the morning.

Laylajoh · 31/08/2016 09:33

Congratulations! You will be fine - just rest and take it easy :)

polkadotdelight · 31/08/2016 09:36

Stock up on ready meals and make yourself up a plate of sandwiches/fruit etc so you've got some lunch for the next day. Sod cooking and cleaning.

Cloudspider · 31/08/2016 09:37

Congratulations. I was just the same. Turn it to a positive enjoy the time with your baby no other distractions. Don't try to do to much as you end up exhausted. I enjoyed not having DP crashing round the house trying to be quiet .

SeenYourArse · 31/08/2016 09:42

Your in a good position as it sounds like your hubby is a good,helpful one! Mine is a lovely bloke very loving but useless! My LO is 11 weeks old and hubby just makes more mess for me! I'd go downstairs in the morning after he'd left for work to find settee cushions in disaray,his coffee cup on the side,toast crumbs all over kitchen worktops and his dishes in the sink rather than the dishwasher! So I have to sort those out to free up the sink to wash and prep for the steriliser for the baby's bottles.

Original poster

Jayne266 · 31/08/2016 09:44

Lol cloudspider I must admit since having dd, dh and ds have developed a let's stomp and shout all the time which I never noticed before.

OP posts:

Goingtobeawesome · 31/08/2016 09:57

When husbands make food for their wife's and care for their children they aren't being helpful. No one says stay at home mum's are helping their husbands.

If you let your husband be lazy, more fool you.

MrsDeVere · 31/08/2016 10:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ditsy4 · 31/08/2016 10:04

Congratulations.
Keep sitting room tidy so you can relax. I kept a baby basket and did a quick whizz around with that. Either use a slow cooker for evening meal or prep everything when baby sleeps so it is easy and quick when you cook. Find easy, quick nutricious recipes. Slow cooked bung in the oven or stir fry type meals means you are not spending too long cooking. Carry out once a week if you can afford it. Make yourself a sandwich in the morning so if baby is awake you still have lunch.
Stick a note on the door and feed then nap for an hour. I used to do 2-3pm it makes such a difference to energy levels.
My DH worked away for weks after baby 3 & baby 4 so I learnt to look after myself. Get out in the fresh air for an hour even if it is the garden or a chair outside the door. A short walk when you feel up to it.
Lots of snuggles.

rogueantimatter · 31/08/2016 10:09

Congratulations on your new baby.

Conserve your energy as much as you can. Cut corners wherever possible and don't compare yourself with anyone who appears to be a supermum/domestic goddess. It's unreasonable to feel that you should have to run your home and look after a tiny baby and a pre-schooler without a lot of help unless there's a very good reason for it. In our grandparents' time mums weren't expected to do anything except rest and feed the baby for the first three weeks.

Looking after a new baby and a pre-schooler is important, hard work. And your body has been through and is still going through a lot. You and your children deserve as much support as possible.

Could your mum prepare dinner? Or do some housework or something useful?

rogueantimatter · 31/08/2016 10:22

Easy, nutritious foods; avocados, falafel, bags of salad leaves, hummus, eggs, nuts, fruit, baked beans, sushi, cherry tomatoes.

Original poster

Jayne266 · 31/08/2016 14:03

Hi everyone so it's halfway through my day. I have managed to get dressed and ate a egg sandwich and get a wash on as dd had thrown up on her crib sheet.
I had a idea to put my cup of tea in a thermal none spill cup and two hours later when I got to drink it, it was still warm. I am lucky my dh is amazing and got the house sorted for me before I got downstairs. My main problem is the food I am definitely not getting anything nutritious just eating stuff that is quick or can be eaten with one hand. I think I like the packed lunch idea for my day.

OP posts:

PizzaPlease · 31/08/2016 14:27

My dd has just turned 3 and I still remember how much I dreaded this! My OH hadn't worked at his job long enough at that time to qualify for paternity leave, and they would only let him book enough time off to cover a few days before (planned csection due to breach baby!) and the a few days after. But because of the c section I was in the hospital 2 nights and he ended up going back to work the day after we got home! So for the most part I was home alone until 9pm. Netflix and packed lunches are the only way I survived, lol. I especially love the thermos idea.

rogueantimatter · 01/09/2016 08:51

Well done.

Nutritious can be very quick and easy. If you don't eat well your energy levels will drop znd you will be less able to cope with stress. It's easier than you think. Ready made hummus, nuts, falafel, samosas, pasta salad; no prep required and nice cold. Bananas, cherry tomatoes, apples, plums; just need a quick wash. Marmite, peanut, cashew or almond butter with celery stick - can be bought ready trimmed, + sliced pepper, cucumber, carrots; quick as anything! You can buy bags of ready to eat seeds. Some of them are seasoned - yum.

Good luck op. Congratulations again on your new baby.

HereIAm20 · 01/09/2016 10:00

Sleep when the baby sleeps in the day time and do not worry about getting housework etc done. It will be there when they wake up and you can potter a bit or leave it for DH. Look after yourself. If you think a feed is coming up make sure you make a cup of tea beforehand so that you have one while feeding etc. Enjoy the time as much as you can. Ask friends for help if you need it. Don't be shy about this.

StrawberryQuik · 01/09/2016 10:08

When I had DS I told DH women weren't allowed to use hoovers for 6 weeks postpartum

The first week without DH is tough, I just watched telly, breastfed and ate biscuits for a week. I did make sure I showered every morning though because I had stitches, don't forget to look after yourself.

WordGetsAround · 01/09/2016 10:09

Eggs are very nutritious - keep those egg sandwiches up and you'll be doing well.

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