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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is she taking the biscuit?

28 replies

Beesknees1221 · 27/08/2016 09:24

Opinions greatly appreciated, this might be be a bit lengthy but will try to keep as short as possible! My neighbour lives in a flat upstairs and she cares for her elderly mum who is very unwell. Over the past year or so I have helped her on numerous occasions, the lady has trouble with her mobility. She is very overweight and struggles to drive/walk far/ walk up and down the steps to their flat. She will often text me asking if I can pick some things up/take pets to vet/ take her bin bags down which I have never said no to. However, I can't help but think she is starting to take the biscuit? The other week when I took her pet to the vet she asked me if I would mind "painting and resealing her bathroom". This week she asked me to pick up some things for her from a specific shop, which i wouldn't be able to get to till this weekend as I work full time and it closes at 5. When I said this, she said ok that's fine. I then texted her on Friday to double check what she needed- and in response to some of the items she said "don't worry about that I will get them later".... To which I think why the hell am I rushing around trying to help Her when she freely says she will go do it herself?!

So- am I just horrible for not wanting to help her anymore or is she just starting to take the Biscuit?

OP posts:
SuburbanRhonda · 27/08/2016 09:27

Seriously? She asked you to paint and reseal her bathroom? Why would she ask you to do that unless she thinks you're a local tradesperson?

MadHattersWineParty · 27/08/2016 09:29

She really asked you to reseal and paint her bathroom?

jerryfudd · 27/08/2016 09:35

Congratulations, you are now her unpaid slave

Original poster
Beesknees1221 · 27/08/2016 09:36

Yes she did! Backstory- she did have someone (I think family or family friend) who was helping her out and for what ever reason they no longer can and they have left her bathroom unfinished- completely useable just not "finishing touches" eg fresh paint and getting rid of the old sealant round areas. Hmm she may have got the idea that as I had redecorated in the past I might be interested?! God knows but on this occasion I made some uncommittal noises and was really embarrassed. I am terrible at saying no as I feel guity... but I was so surprised she would ask something so bizarre.

OP posts:
MrsJoeyMaynard · 27/08/2016 09:38

Sounds like she is taking advantage a bit, especially with the bathroom example!

Seriously, it's okay to say no sometimes. Especially if it's a request that's going to take up lots of time, like decorating a bathroom. Or if picking stuff up for her means changing your plans for the weekend because you weren't planning on going to be anywhere near specific shop, say.

She may well start keeping it to more reasonable stuff if you start saying no now and again.

ZenMom · 27/08/2016 09:38

Is it the neighbour or the neighbours mum that's asking you?

If it's the neighbours mum then why isn't she asking her daughter?

Taking liberties either way - which some people to - but if you don't say no then she will think it's ok.

Just politely say you don't have time or its out your way or some such thing.

It may take a few times but they'll catch on. (If they don't then be more blunt)

elodie2000 · 27/08/2016 09:40

Make yourself unavailable sometimes. Say no, sorry more often. You're not her personal assistant. Let her know she can call on you only if she's really stuck.

TaterTots · 27/08/2016 09:40

Are you going to wipe her arse the next time she has a dump?

Original poster
Beesknees1221 · 27/08/2016 09:44

Oh god I sound so pathetic don't I? you are right MrsJoey I just feel so put on the spot sometimes that I just blurt out Ok! I will practice my firm "No" for next time..

OP posts:
Original poster
Beesknees1221 · 27/08/2016 09:47

zen Mom- it is neighbour asking for things for herself and her elderly mum. Quite clearly neighbour can do these things herself after saying she will go out if I can't do it - I just assumed she couldn't drive her car at the moment hence why she was asking me to collect things and do errands. I am a fool!

OP posts:
SuburbanRhonda · 27/08/2016 09:57

If all this is being done by text (making that assumption from your OP), it's even better.

It's so much easier just to text, "Sorry, I'm not able to help you with that." and ignore any further texts about the same issue.

Original poster
Beesknees1221 · 27/08/2016 10:05

Suburban- yes mostly by text if I am at work but she has developed a lovely habit of hanging out her window when I am getting in/out my car or when I'm in the garden and shouting down. Good phrase though I will remember that for future ridiculous requests

OP posts:
MrsBertMacklin · 27/08/2016 10:05

And what has she done to thank you for all this help, flowers, money for fuel, etc.?

She's taking advantage. Definitely time to scale back to things that don't t you out in any way, eg bin bags only if you're already doing your own.

ZenMom · 27/08/2016 10:08

You're not a fool lol just too nice and need to learn to say no. If it was the old mum and the daughter was out or unavailable but for it to the the daughter that's one thing.

GoblinLittleOwl · 27/08/2016 10:09

Is it possible that the person you help is grossly overweight and has trouble with her mobility partly because she is so practised in the art of getting other people to do things for her?

Cathaka15 · 27/08/2016 10:14

OP. Help out now and then. Just dont decorate.

DelicatePreciousThing1 · 27/08/2016 10:18

Think you have to be unavailable more often. The bathroom thing is ridiculous. Yes, she is taking advantage of your good nature. Sorry but it's not on.

DelicatePreciousThing1 · 27/08/2016 10:19

@Goblin

A very good point.

Original poster
Beesknees1221 · 27/08/2016 10:21

Ah she does give me chocolates etc for some of the "bigger" things I have helped with in the past.

goblin- who knows! She spends the entire day inside from what I can tell because she doesn't want to leave her mum alone for too long. I think she is quite depressed and lonely to be honest

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 27/08/2016 10:24

Wh is overweight and struggling-the neighbour or her mum?

SestraClone · 27/08/2016 10:25

Sounds like she is taking the whole packet of biscuits!

Nocabbageinmyeye · 27/08/2016 10:25

And for whatever reason they can no longer help out - let me solve the mystery for you, this person got sick of being advantage of and left however they means your neighbour now has a position of "go too person" available and you are being head hunted Wink

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/08/2016 10:27

The fact that she's depressed isn't your problem. It's sad. But you have to look after YOU. Recently learnt the hard way about piss takers myself. It seems the more you give, the more they take. Nice, normal people would be profusely thankful.

Foslady · 27/08/2016 10:28

Just a reminder OP

AIBU or is she taking the biscuit?
Birdsgottafly · 27/08/2016 10:33

""I just assumed she couldn't drive her car at the moment hence why she was asking me to collect things and do errands. I am a fool!""

Don't assume, you've made yourself available, so she's asking. When someone asks, then it's upto you to say, yes, or no. There's nothing wrong with her asking.

There's no need to start analysing why she overweight or her mobility is poor. I have the same issue, after a period of illness and treatment.

Last November, I was s daily gym goer and lifted weights. I see people looking at me in judgement, when I'm struggling.

She may think that your honestly wanting to do things, so is asking. I don't understand people who can't say that they can't, tbh.

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