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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that some people enjoy being negative about everything?

49 replies

FreshHorizons · 24/08/2016 08:12

Online and in real life there seem to be people who are always negative and tend to suck the joy out of everything.
Given good news they will nitpick until they find something to complain about or something wrong with it.

I wonder why they do it and am sure they would be happier if they adopted a more positive 'can do' attitude.

It is a bit 'chicken and egg'- do they nitpick because they are unhappy or unhappy because they nitpick.
Or maybe they are perfectly happy and just enjoy nitpicking!

OP posts:
SuperHeroesForKids · 24/08/2016 08:20

I think we all know someone like this. I certainly do.

Not happy unless they're moaning.

I think it gives them a sense of being better than you-what you're telling them isn't all that good because they've already found a negative.

And they're so opinionated and think everyone wants to hear they're negative poison.

I have nothing to do with this person anymore and I'm glad. It's bloody draining.

SuperHeroesForKids · 24/08/2016 08:22

I genuinely think they enjoy bringing clouds to people's day.

The person I know certainly doesn't have a 'can do' attitude.

Original poster
FreshHorizons · 24/08/2016 08:22

You can scroll down online but I have to deliberately avoid them in RL because they are draining.

OP posts:
whattheseithakasmean · 24/08/2016 08:26

My friend told be people are either radiators or drains. It is so true, and it absolutely no way related to what is going on/has gone on in their lives.

I get the warmest feelings spending time with a friend who has some severely limiting health problems and an ill child, because she is a great person to be with. My MIL has led a charmed life, but is like a dementor to spend time with, a real joy sucker.

It seems that is the way some people are - and I am determined to be a radiator!

Original poster
FreshHorizons · 24/08/2016 08:29

This quote sums it up and the second part is definitely true.

I hope that I am the radiator!

OP posts:
Original poster
FreshHorizons · 24/08/2016 08:32

You just know that a name SuperHeroesForKids is going to be positive! Grin

OP posts:
VimFuego101 · 24/08/2016 08:35

My mum is like this. I don't think I've ever seen her happier than when she came to visit me after DS was born and she got to tell me everything I was doing wrong and what a mess my house was. I try to ignore it and let her get on with it - she obviously enjoys it so I look at it as the equivalent of giving her a spa day when I give her things to complain about Grin

ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam · 24/08/2016 08:36

I like that people are either radiators or drains it's true.

phillipp · 24/08/2016 08:42

I think different people do it for different reasons.

Me and dh went through a bad patch. His career seemed to bring out an attitude problem. He did it because, as pp said, it made him feel superior to spot the negatives in things. Because others hadn't spotted them. I put up with it for a few moths until he started doing it with Dd. At which point I told he was a wanker and packed his shit up. He went and moaned to pil about what I said. And they agreed with me. Grin He Then asked a few old friends, who also agreed he had become an asshat. We are back together and he is back to his lovely old self and has been for 7 years. Being negative was never a trait of his. He was always (and has been since) the kind of person that thinks 'everything will work out'.

Some people just can't see the joy in anything. It makes some people happy to moan and others just love the bring others down by putting a negative spin on things.

MajesticSeaFlapFlap · 24/08/2016 08:44

Argh I'm from a family of fun suckers!
Nothing good can happen without a negative note being added. I limit my time with them all because the constant whines,niggles sect are tiring.

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 24/08/2016 09:07

Majestic Me too. Even my brother is a joyless cunt.

I sing funsuckers to the tune of The Addams Family, complete with whistling and finger snapping when they start up now. It enrages my brother Grin

LittleCandle · 24/08/2016 09:12

DF was always going on about his 'bad luck'. I found it very annoying, especially as I grew up and I deliberately look for the good in things, not the bad. He was never happier than when he had something to moan about. He fell out with all his friends, and only a concerted effort on my part got him talking to his life-long childhood friend again after DF had stopped talking to him when the friend sent my DB and I a condolence card after our mother died. DF and DM had been divorced for about a decade at that point...

NickiFury · 24/08/2016 09:20

Oh definitely OP and AIBU is their playground 

It's funny though because I was thinking this exact same thing about a young woman who was on the same flight as me a couple of weeks ago. I wasn't near her the whole time but every time our paths crossed sure enough she was whinging and complaining away. She even had a constant screwed up miserable expression on her face. I was mulling over how exhausting it must be to be around someone like that and feeling a bit sorry for her companions.

ShotsFired · 24/08/2016 09:28

I am a bit of a negative ninny. I tend to the Eeyore side of life and expect the worst, so a pleasant outcome is a nice surprise, rather than expecting the best and then being disappointed.

(My OH is like Little Miss Sunshine though. He can see good in everything you can imagine. This difference between us makes me very aware of my own negativity though Sad )

molyholy · 24/08/2016 09:32

Yes - I completely have a family member like this. It's so draining.

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 24/08/2016 09:36

I think there is a very big difference between being a worrier and being a funsucker. I'm an anxious 'what if' person, but I don't actively seek out things to whine about, and for example I'd never notice half the tiny things that threads in AIBU are picked apart while whatever the real issue is is ignored.

However, while my family love to whinge and bitch and actually be downright hurtful about the most trivial, things, I'm the one who actually worries. They're surprisingly carefree.

SuperHeroesForKids · 24/08/2016 10:11

Got to be haven't you fresh or the world can drag you down! I think being positive only is a mind set though and it's hard to be positive at times.

Negative Nancy's seem to think you want to know their opinion too. Like they are itching to spit out their venom.

On the other hand I'll only give my opinion if I'm asked for it. Then I'll give an honest opinion.

FetchezLaVache · 24/08/2016 10:13

Ha! Loving the "funsuckers" song, SpecialAgent. Great work!

RaskolnikovsGarret · 24/08/2016 11:36

I have colleagues who are like this. Someone described them as 'mood hoovers', which is another great phrase.

PJBanana · 24/08/2016 12:41

I sit next to a girl in work who's like this. Constantly finds a problem with every situation. It is EXHAUSTING.

DP's parents are also like this. We actually joke that his mum only gets in touch when she's the bearer of bad news. She seems to enjoy making a drama out of everything.

It must be so grim to live that kind of life.

PersianCatLady · 24/08/2016 13:04

FreshHorizons
I see that you have met my father then, sorry about that!! Wink Wink

Lottapianos · 24/08/2016 13:14

I can see both sides with this. My MIL is a total funsucker and sees the grim side of absolutely everything. My parents can be similar. Its beyond exhausting.

However, my DP and I suffer from depression and anxiety and I'm afraid that 'think positive' just doesn't work when we're having a tough time. There's enormous pressure to 'think positive' and put on a happy face and act like everything is ok, and when everything is most definitely not ok, it can be incredibly isolating. Very few people are able to genuinely listen and allow other people to offload when they need to, and that just compounds the problem.

So I get that being around negative people is incredibly draining, but not everyone can be a ray of sunshine at all times either

123rd · 24/08/2016 13:17

Argh. My sister. It's like she is too cool to enjoy anything, always had to be something wrong with everything. So bloody annoying and I find it quite rude too.
And my boss. I quite like my
Job but he just pours misery on to everything Angry

whattheseithakasmean · 24/08/2016 13:19

If you can't be a radiator, don't be a drain. I don't expect my friend with health problems to be a ray of sunshine all the time, but her company still enriches my day, not diminishes it, as she isn't relentless pointing out only the bad things in life.

No one is suggesting you have to skip though life clicking your heels & singing zippety doo dah every day, but when you are feeling shit, there is no need to seek to take every one down with you.

JudyCoolibar · 24/08/2016 13:27

You only have to look at Daily Mail comments columns to see this in action, to the point where it's laughable. Good exam results? Immigrants are coming over here, filling up our schools, nicking all the good education. Someone recovers from an illness? It won't happen much longer with all these immigrants coming over and using NHS resources. Evil murderer gets caught and imprisoned? He'll be out in 6 months/ if it were a woman she'd get a free council house and benefits. We've got the Olympics/World Cup? It's just an opportunity for all the members of those forrin teams to refuse to go back home and claim asylum. I swear, if those people couldn't find something to moan about it would ruin their lives.