to think that some people enjoy being negative about everything?

[FreshHorizons]

Online and in real life there seem to be people who are always negative and tend to suck the joy out of everything.
Given good news they will nitpick until they find something to complain about or something wrong with it.

I wonder why they do it and am sure they would be happier if they adopted a more positive 'can do' attitude.

It is a bit 'chicken and egg'- do they nitpick because they are unhappy or unhappy because they nitpick.
Or maybe they are perfectly happy and just enjoy nitpicking!

My brother. He's had a lot to deal with in his life including MH problems.

I think in a way he's adopted the negative outlook to blend in with other people he's met during his MH episodes. But it's so draining to listen to the constant moans about the council/MH services/his neighbours/his flat etc. I have turned into quite the Pollyanna when around him, seeking out the positive side to everything (quite therapeutic for me).

Either that or I challenge him on every negative statement and tell him if he's not part of the solution he's part of the problem eg a recent moan was about all the broken glass on the roads around where he lives. He neither drives or rides a bike and has no pets that might cut themselves on this glass btw. So I suggested he get out there and clear some of it up if it was bothering him so much (he's retired so would have the time to do it). He didn't take action but he did shut up.

I think the real issue for me is that he doesn't actually want to do anything about the problem he's moaning about, he just wants to enjoy the moan.

My parents are like this, especially my dad. It's like she is too cool to enjoy anything, always had to be something wrong with everything. I've always thought this about his attitude- whenever they tell me about something someone had done, it's always with an emphasis on whatever went wrong, however slight. The undertone is that he's far too clever to let that happen to him. Which is bollocks, because a)he's really not that bright at all and b)they both live a very restricted life doing very little, probably as a result of being too scared of the tiniest thing going wrong.

Whenever I tell them about plans or something, they can't wait to find fault with something, or to anticipate doom (mixed with hyperbole, so a light drizzle is as bad as a full blown hurricane to listen to them).

For example we went camping this weekend. My dad asked me when we were going beforehand, even though he knew the answer, with the specific purpose of being able to snort with derision because the forecast was for rain.

Yes, it rained. Yes, the tent got wet. But we still had a great time. Partly spiced up with the knowledge that my dad would be looking out of the window, rubbing his hands in glee at the thought of us getting wet in a field.

The only thing to do is to take the piss.

We have a few of these at work, we call them The Dementors as their soul purpose seems to be to suck out all the happiness and fun.

My FIL is like this. My MIL left him about 6 years ago for totally understandable reasons and he has got a lot worse. He weaves every single thing that does or doesn't happen into what DH and I call his 'big narrative of woe'. So if the dog poos indoors turns it awful and poo him because it used to be her dog, and how unacceptable that he should have to clean anyway after working hard for 50 years and it's all her fault because she left him.

It's got to the point were I have to psyche myself up to ask him now he is or wish him happy birthday 🙄

I used to feel sorry for lonely old men in pubs and now I just wonder if they drove everyone away like him.

He's got plenty of resources, still relatively young but his perception is ruining his life. And he won't seek help for depression or anything. And I'm not sure it would be depression. I've had that myself and this seems deliberate, wilful and sometimes almost gleeful.

Typos! Poor him!

1ham- we were camping too! My boss said we should cancel! Ffs ! I love doing the thing .. And then coming back and over exaggerating how bloody brill everything was.

These are the same people that miraculously are having a massive issue themselves at the same time as someone is having a really massive issue. "Oh really sorry hun that you can't see and have to look after 2 kids today. I'd love to help but I've just done my back in and I can't pop round to help out."

For some people moaning is their way into a conversation, often about themselves.

I think there's a certain level of self centeredness involved, too.

My brother for example, is convinced that if anyone does anything, it's to try and slight him. Like he's the centre of everyone's world. If someone waves, they didn't smile so it was passive aggressive. If they smiled but didn't wave, it's because of something that happened forever ago and.. Man, moan bloody moan.

My parents are the same, but more as a unit. They also take enormous glee in making people uncomfortable with their religious zealotry, and bitching at how the world has ruined their religion.

I think you are right about the Daily Mail, Judy . My mother lives alone and broods on it- they have a lot of time when they seem to enjoy doom and gloom.
I was a bit apprehensive at starting an AIBU because they often go off at odd tangents but this seems OK.
I wasn't talking about depression , I know that you can't just snap out of it, rather the people who will look for the negative,or the problems, as their default position.

I have mental health issues and I know exactly what you mean. like I said in my post about 'worriers' vs 'negative nancys'

Mrs DV has reminded of how when I was a kid, whenever someone well known did something good, my mother always claimed every single bloody time that they were only doing it for the publicity. It would apply even with people who were so well known that they were normally fighting reporters off rather than encouraging them. And if I tried to dispute it in any way, she would refuse to discuss it and say something like "You may be right" in an annoyingly passive aggressive way which made it absolutely clear that she thought nothing of the sort but wasn't going to go any further in case you actually showed up what nonsense she was talking.

One of the main reasons I left my 'D'H!

Me: "DS has started walking while holding my hand!"
Funsucker: "Urgh, how backbreaking."

Actually, I love holding his warm soft hand as he happily toddles along, so stuff off funsucker!

I think it is often veiled jealousy and bitternes dressed with that 'i'm a deep thinker' bullshit. You see this here a lot on threads about treats, gifts, christmas, presents, parties..

My MIL is one of these, so is someone I lived with for a year. Every single thing is about how awful it is for them, how hard they have it etc. Drives me batshit.

Conversely, one of my oldest friends has multiple health issues, including MH, and while she has bad times and lots of complaints, she's also a genuinely lovely person who I enjoy spending time with. There is a difference. I have anxiety and am aware I moan a lot some weeks, but I don't turn every little thing into some terrible drama with me at the centre.

It is certainly draining online when people have only one aim on a thread - to derail it and nitpick.

I was a bit apprehensive about starting one in AIBU but it has gone well. I love the drains and radiators and shall use it from now on.

This is an interesting post, I've said it for years now that some people love to find themselves being the victim in anything and everything even if they are not affected by the thing they are complaining about. I used to work with a very negative person and she brought the whole spirit of the place down at times as she constantly moaned, didn't even get a break from it on her lunch break as we could still hear her sat on her phone in staff room either slagging someone off, usually a so called friend.

MIL seems to take some perverse delight in other people's business.
"Ooh isn't (niece) fat! She's enormous! Can you imagine? She's a size 24 now! She's pregnant too! She needs to shift that! Got to be ever so unhealthy for the baby.."
It's none of her fucking business! She says it whilst laughing at the poor girl too. She's just nasty.
She calls children thick behind their backs.
She complains about immigrants. (She lives in a very naice middle class area. I doubt she's even seen an immigrant.)
URGH!!

I work with one of these.

She went on holiday for two weeks recently - all of us said it was as though a black cloud had left the building...we had a great time, a real laugh actually, whilst she was off. The whole atmosphere in there was totally different for the duration of her holiday...as soon as she came back, that evaporated more or less instantly.

She has us all on eggshells around her in case she kicks off, she finds fault in every tiny little thing, she blows every miniscule issue up into something major, and she has a major martyr complex. Every problem with someone that she's ever had in her thirty-odd years regularly gets brought back up and rehashed and it's clear that she never ever lets a good grudge go.

She's mid-50's and throws temper tantrums like a little child...it's embarrassing, to be honest, and the rest of us just cringe when she starts.

So yes....I know what you mean!

*thirty-odd years at work, that should say.

I like the radiators and drains analogy
I've found that generally there is a ratio of 4 radiators to 1 drain in most of the places I've worked.

My in laws. They drain any joy from life. They rarely smile or even react. They walk mutely behind you with blank faces. They tut often. I have a headache within an hour of being in their company. They turn me into a hello trees hello sky cheerful loon to make up for their negativity.

The only thing that I have ever seen make mil happy is other people's holiday disasters. She gets almost euphoric about that.

My mother thought I was exaggerating until she spent a day with them. My mother is very cheerful and upbeat she was like a wet rag after one afternoon and conceded they were dire.

My mother is like this.
She is doom and gloom.
Never has a nice word to say about anything or anyone.
She particularly enjoys telling me that my plants in my garden have died as she knows I'm always bloody watering them.