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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To miss my first day at work

38 replies

Daisypod · 23/08/2016 22:53

So tomorrow I am due to go in for a training morning at my new job, my first job in over 9 years as I have been a sahm. I am currently sitting in our local urgent care unit waiting for dh to be transferred to A&E but this is talking a long time as A&E had been closed to new admissions.
Dh has had severe abdominal pain and bleeding from behind. When I rang 111 for advice they said they were going try send an paramedic to assess him but i said I could drive him as it wasn't far. We have now been here 3 hours, I wish I had taken up the offer of a bloody paramedic :(
Anyway we have no idea what this could be or how long we could be here. If it is so night or the docs keep him in wibu to not go into work tomorrow? I feel terrible about it but I have never seen dh in this state before so I can't see how I can go in. As I haven't worked for so long I am worried that I am just being pathetic. Help!

OP posts:
timeforabrewnow · 23/08/2016 22:56

Play it by ear.

Flowers Hope your DH gets seen soon.

StealthPolarBear · 23/08/2016 22:58

It's not about reasonable or unreasonable it's about what you can or can't do.
If he was kept in I might go for a couple of hours and hope I could get my boss on side to explain.
fwiw I was off sick on my first day of my new job in 2004, felt so bad. Was promoted twice so it did me no harm and haven't had a day sick since
I really hope your dh recovers quickly Flowers

Littlefish · 23/08/2016 22:58

I think it's much too early to make a decision about tomorrow.

My personal feeling is that you really should try and go in if at all possible, but that obviously depends on how your dh is.

DoublyTroubly · 23/08/2016 23:01

To be honest, you don't get a second chance at a first impression. Your DH is a grown man, presuming he is not critical tomorrow then I would go in, explain and ask to leave as soon as the training finishes. Just dose up on coffee / pro-plus if it's a long night

NiceCuppaTeaAndASitDown · 23/08/2016 23:06

I would try and avoid missing your first day if possible. I know where I work they only do the training day once a month and all new starters have to attend. If you had to miss that day I get the impression that your start date would then also be delayed by a month, although I've never known anyone to miss it

Haudyerwheesht · 23/08/2016 23:07

If he isn't critical tbh I'd go in.

Gardenbirds123 · 23/08/2016 23:09

Agree -!If he isn't critical go in

Doggity · 23/08/2016 23:10

Don't panic, no need to make a decision right now. If I were you, I'd do everything in my power to be there unless of course, he is critically ill and unstable. I hope he is ok. Take care.

Lunar1 · 23/08/2016 23:10

I hope you get seen quickly. I'd see when you get home before you decide.

ohnoppp · 23/08/2016 23:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GlitteryFluff · 23/08/2016 23:11

I'd try to go in if its not anything serious.

SquidgyRedBall · 23/08/2016 23:12

I'd go in.

He's a grown man so unless it's critical then he can look after himself. Does he have anyone who can look after him if needs be?

I once missed a day of training in a new job (not first day) and was asked told not to come back as even missing one day left me behind with the training plan. It was a group training session rather than individual though so I don't know if that is an issue for you.

I hope he's ok x

AtSea1979 · 23/08/2016 23:14

I'd go in. Your DH is a grown man.

Coconutty · 23/08/2016 23:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nyborg · 23/08/2016 23:16

If a new starter on my team came in when her husband was newly admitted to hospital with dramatic symptoms, I'd be mortified and send them straight home. I hope I make it clear in our interviews that we're looking for bright, hard working, sincere people, not automatons.

SpiritedLondon · 23/08/2016 23:17

Sorry I'm with the PP's on this. Unless your DH is in a terrible way I would go in - even if I'd been up most of the night. If you tell them you've been in A &E all night ( ie explain you might need to step out to take an urgent call) they are likely to be impressed by your dedication and may suggest you leave early. If you don't go in I'm sure they'll understand but there may forever be a question mark over whether you were pulling a fast one in some way ( the way some of my colleagues say " childcare issues" with great sarcasm when someone's child is sick and they have to leave)

MaudlinNamechange · 23/08/2016 23:20

you need to go. Even if you turn up white as a sheet, you need to go, and if you feel you are underperforming, explain why. If you take this job, this won't be the last time you drag yourself to work on little or no sleep. It's part of what you have to do.

Somerville · 23/08/2016 23:21

I also agree that you should go for your training morning unless he's critically ill.

Is there anyone else who can come to the hospital a bit later so that you can go home for some sleep? I know that sounds harsh, but the likelihood is that he isn't seriously ill, and in the unlikely eventuality that he is, you need to get adequate rest or you'll get ill too. (I'm not being trite, I've been through this.)

Crunchymum · 23/08/2016 23:23

Really Nyborg ?

Because I'd expect my new employees to exercise a little common sense.

Whilst it's a horrible situation, it doesn't appear to critical. I'd expect a new employee to show.

I say this as someone who had to take off second day back after a year long maternity leave DC was referred to A&E by GP with Bronchiolitis

BackforGood · 23/08/2016 23:25

Like most people, I would do my utmost to go in.
First impressions are important. If you have a boss like Nyborg, then you could be sent home once you get there, but 99% of people would be impressed that you did go in, in the first place. Generally though, I should imagine they will make him comfortable and he'll probably sleep for a lot of tomorrow, so yes, you should try to go in unless his life is somehow in the balance.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 23/08/2016 23:25

To be honest if the doctors keep him in, they will probably send you home anyway so you would be better going to work.
You must be anxious about it all. Flowers

Crunchymum · 23/08/2016 23:25

Oh and I made up said day when DC was better (I'm PT)

WiddlinDiddlin · 23/08/2016 23:27

I would leave him at A&E and go get some sleep and go to work, explain whats happened and that you may get a call from him or from the hospital.

He's a grown up, he's unlikely to be dying because the triage system is supposed to catch those cases and treat them sooner - he's IN the best place and theres nothing further you can do.

However, I understand a lot of people wouldn't want to do this - I would because thats how I am when its ME in hospital, even in lots of pain (in fact, especially in lots of pain) I really don't want an audience!

Xmasbaby11 · 23/08/2016 23:28

I'd go in unless Dh is critical. You may not want to leave him, but it can be very hard to make up a missing session and you don't want to start on the back foot.

Really hope he is ok.

ImissGrannyW · 23/08/2016 23:31

I know all this sounds harsh, but I tend to agree with PPs too (again, unless your DH is critically ill). You've been a SAHM for nearly a decade. It's wrong, but people (not just the bosses) can be hard on parents (usually women), and expect them to want/expect to take days off (paid) whenever one of their DC has a sniffle. So if you don't go in, and there's THAT kind of culture where you work, you'll start earning yourself a bad reputation before you even start.

However, if you DO make the effort to go in, esp if you explain why you're so tired/worried, you'll be seen as a super-hero before you even start, and people will probably be more willing to cut you slack in the future, because it will be "no, NiceCuppa isn't a slacker... remember how she came in her first day".

So I think you'd be doing yourself a favour if you were able to go.

If you really can't go in, make sure you contact them as early as you can tomorrow.

I hope your DH is ok.