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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how late is ok?

37 replies

1Catherine1 · 20/08/2016 22:26

So today someone had arranged to collect something they bought from me that was advertised online. She said she would arrive at a particular time, at 20 minutes past this time she still had not arrived. This made me wonder, how late is ok and what is just rude? FYI - She then messaged me, told me she would be with me in half an hour then arrived 45 minutes later (Over an hour later than originally agreed), not that I really did mind, it was only merely inconvenient as I needed to get DS down for naptime.

When I buy things and arrange to collect, generally I give a time frame, e.g. between 2pm and 3pm. In the cases where the person has given me a specific time then I am usually up to 10 minutes late (any later and I will message them). If I am early, I tend to apologise for my early arrival if I am more than 20 minutes early.

So, for me, acceptable is up to 20 minutes early and no later than 10 minutes late. AIBU? What do you think is acceptable?

OP posts:
MaddyHatter · 20/08/2016 22:28

early i hate. 5 minutes is allowable.

late, no more than 15 minutes without prior arrangement.

CremeEggThief · 20/08/2016 22:31

IMO, it's ruder to be 20 minutes early, without warning, than it is to be 20 minutes late, with warning. I HATE it when people are too early with a passion. I nearly got left behind on a coach trip last week, because I turned up 10 minutes BEFORE the scheduled departure time, and everyone else was earlier.

Hidingtonothing · 20/08/2016 22:33

I actually find people being early more rude than being late! I would much rather have to wait a few minutes for someone than be caught on the hop because they've turned up sooner than expected. For me up to 15 minutes late is fine, any later and I would hope to get a message or phone call letting me know what's happening and don't turn up early at all, ever Grin

Hidingtonothing · 20/08/2016 22:34

Ha, x posts, I have found my people Grin

PancakesAndMapleSyrup · 20/08/2016 22:35

What I hated was when I was on my own with two toddlers and SHE had arranged with me to pick up an item but sent her DP without telling me. Went batshit at her.
But never early and up to 20 mins late. Hate ppl being early!!

hungryhippo90 · 20/08/2016 22:59

I'm such a late person, it doesn't matter how hard I try, I'm always late. My husband and I were both over an hour late to our own wedding! With the rest of the wedding party. The registrar was a bit confused!
Sorry. Back to the original subject. I'd far prefer late than early. Luckily people tend to sense I'm one of "them" and generally don't tend to get upset by our general tardiness.

EastMidsMummy · 20/08/2016 23:08

I don't understand how you can be 20 minutes early.

If you said you'd get there for 10 and you arrive at the street at 9.40, then you wait until 10. Dead rude, otherwise.

IrregularCommentary · 20/08/2016 23:09

Never early. Upto 15mins late without notice is ok, but would expect a call or message if longer than that.

Someone turning up 20mins early would drive me mad though. Feel stressed just at the thought!

CremeEggThief · 20/08/2016 23:15

My aunt used to regularly turn up to visit me, 20 or 30 minutes earlier than arranged. It used to make me so Angry,as usually I'd be washing up or doing something I hate being interrupted in. I'd barely even say hello and just carry on doing what I was doing and leave her just sitting around, until I'd finished what I was doing. Not very nice, but IMO, she was worse.

FTM89 · 20/08/2016 23:16

What I hated was when I was on my own with two toddlers and SHE had arranged with me to pick up an item but sent her DP without telling me. Went batshit at her.

Why? Confused

ProfessorPickles · 20/08/2016 23:17

I think even 5 minutes early is bad, it pisses me off. And up to 15 minutes late is acceptable, after that is rude!

sonlypuppyfat · 20/08/2016 23:18

How can people run so behind. I would have to have a flat tyre etc to be late

Shizzlestix · 20/08/2016 23:19

Pisses me right off when people take the piss re timings. If I arrive early, I wait til the right time. I would never be late unless there was an accident en route, for example. It's bloody rude. My DM is late for everything, I find it unacceptable.

TathitiPete · 20/08/2016 23:19

Another voice saying not early. If you're early that could mean the other person isn't ready yet. They might not be planning to be ready until closer to the time they're expecting you.

SaggyNaggy · 20/08/2016 23:24

Punctuality is something I hold very dear. I don't know why, seems the whole world doesnt think the same.

If I tell ypu I'll be there at 4pm, I will be there at 4pm.
Even if I end arriving early, I'll walk around the block, wait in the car, pop to tesco etc and will not knock your door u til 4pm.
It drives my gf mental Grin

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 20/08/2016 23:25

I hate people being early health visitor I'm looking at you up to 15 minutes late is ok. Anything more than that without contact is unacceptable.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 20/08/2016 23:29

Not early, it's rude - if you've calculated wrong and arrived too early, wait somewhere. It's very rude to arrive before you're expected.

Late... Ten minutes or so is okay, after that I'd expect contact and a new ETA.

SleepDeprivedAndCranky · 20/08/2016 23:34

Did you ask her if she got lost or why she was so late?

JockMonsieur · 20/08/2016 23:37

early only acceptable by 5 mins or so. any more than that and it's time for a walk around the block

15 mins grace for lateness, any later than that and you need to be ringing ahead.

TBH if I'm traveling somewhere unknown I prefer to give a 30 minute window. If I say 2-2.30 I'll then plan to be there at two but leave no contingency time, eliminating the risk of being early but mitigating against being late.

TheGruffaloMother · 20/08/2016 23:47

Anything more than 5 minutes early is really rude and anything more than 15 minutes late without a very apologetic message is also rude. Hate them both equally.

Recently had a similar Facebook selling incident. Over an hour and a half late, which actually took it to past 10pm. Kept being told he'd be with me soon, right up until I said if he wasn't going to be here very soon he could forget it. It was for a desk I was keeping in my bedroom to keep out of the way. He saw it, decided he wanted it but had no room in the fucking tiny car he turned up in to take it then and asked me to hold onto it for him! And that's how I ended up going a bit batshit at a random bloke I'd never met who was in my bedroom late at night.

I fucking gate Facebook selling.

HeddaGarbled · 21/08/2016 00:09

hungryhippo90 Being an hour late to your own wedding is appalling. You were very very lucky that there wasn't another wedding scheduled immediately after yours. I suspect the registrar was less confused than steamingly angry. Of course you could be on time if you weren't so pathetically selfish and irresponsible and think your lazy complacency takes precedence over other people's time and inconvenience.

Sorry OP, derailed there. I agree with PP - any more than a couple of minutes early is a no no. 15-20 minutes late OK but any more without a really good reason is rude.

Skittlesss · 21/08/2016 06:47

Hedda, she said she, husband and guests were all over an hour late. I assume that was because they didn't put the correct time on the invites as no way would EVERYONE be so late. Very rude and very lucky they still managed to have the service.

goldopals · 21/08/2016 09:58

I am going against the grain here. I prefer earliness to lateness. More than five minutes late is frustrating.

ellanutella8 · 21/08/2016 10:25

I think you are all being very generous allowing 15 mins to be late! 10 mins is my grace period. I absolutely hate being late as my mum always was when I was a child and I used to be late all the time.
Now I try to arrive early and wait until agreed time or just before to knock.

Brokenbiscuit · 21/08/2016 10:32

I think up to 10 minutes late with no notice is ok. 10-20mins late with notice is just about acceptable, but bordering on rude.

In my book, arriving early is just plain rude. Up to 5 mins early is just about tolerable, I suppose, but it could still piss people off.

I'm surprised you think 20 mins early is ok, OP. Personally, I'd find that really annoying.