to ask how late is ok?

[1Catherine1]

So today someone had arranged to collect something they bought from me that was advertised online. She said she would arrive at a particular time, at 20 minutes past this time she still had not arrived. This made me wonder, how late is ok and what is just rude? FYI - She then messaged me, told me she would be with me in half an hour then arrived 45 minutes later (Over an hour later than originally agreed), not that I really did mind, it was only merely inconvenient as I needed to get DS down for naptime.

When I buy things and arrange to collect, generally I give a time frame, e.g. between 2pm and 3pm. In the cases where the person has given me a specific time then I am usually up to 10 minutes late (any later and I will message them). If I am early, I tend to apologise for my early arrival if I am more than 20 minutes early.

So, for me, acceptable is up to 20 minutes early and no later than 10 minutes late. AIBU? What do you think is acceptable?

i tend to think 15 minutes either way is okay for this sort of thing

not for actual appointments though. Once had a guy turn up for a 9.15 appointment at ten... not a hint of regret from him either! I did a headtilt and said "well it's NOT 9.15 anymore is it?" and rebooked him for later in the afternoon and told him the appointment was 15minutes earlier than it was. He came back and waited nicely.

I'm usually early for things but would wait outside. Any more than 5/10 minutes late and I'd message, and expect the same courtesy from someone else. I hate waiting around for people and being made to feel like their time is more important than mine

Early is fucking annoying, late is fucking annoying. Both are extremely rude. 5 minutes early is acceptable. No earlier, though. 5 minutes late is acceptable too (though I am rarely late for anything as I cannot stand being late)

Detest people being early. Don't mind so much if they're late. I would never turn up more than 5 mins early for anything and have even been known to go for a 10 minute drive rather than straight to someone's house after drop off for coffee (as arranged) to give them a bit of time!

Wow hungryhippo that was exceptionally rude to the registrar and rest of your guests. I'd have been fuming if I arrived at a wedding and had to wait for over an hour.

Hate hate hate people being early, 5 mins fine I suppose but I tend to be someone who leaves everything to the last minute So if you turned up 20 mins early you'd likely find me very flustered and uncomfortable. And pissed off at your rudeness, although I wouldn't say anything.

15-20 mins late is ok-ish any later and I'd expect a call or a text.

It is normally easier to just agree to a time window rather than an exact time, much easier to factor in unusual traffic or the like that way.

Yes, never arrive early. You can always mill about killing time, somehow.

In the situation from the OP, she should have contacted you as soon as she knew she was going to be late to re-arrange. Once she had contacted you, to say it would be another half hour, you had an opportunity to say whether that was convenient, or to arrange a better time, or even to give an absolute deadline, if you had an arrangement for later in the day.

Under the circumstances, she was actually 15 minutes late. Which is pushing it, as far as rudeness is concerned. But she was 20 mins late in rearranging, so overall she was really quite rude, but at least you got to sell your stuff to her!

If you have given somebody a time, you are fine to be out until a minute or two before and to go out once they are 20 mins late IMO. It's their look out if they arrive too early (they can wait) or late.

If I arrive early I would wait outside until 5 minutes before unless I was on foot and it was bad weather - late is only acceptable if you message that you are on your way but stuck in some way (pulled over to message that you are stuck in traffic, bus late etc)

5 minutes early, 20 minutes late except in exceptional circumstances. More give and take if you know the person is travelling a long way to collect an expensive item and they keep you updated.

Not having left the house at the time you are meant to arrive is absolutely unacceptable and all deals are off, except in matters of life and death/ health emergencies and gas leak type stuff (looking at you woman who rang to say she would be late as she'd just put her toddler down for a nap when she was already meant to have arrived! )

hungryhippo that is breathtakingly selfish!

Yep anyone who is habitually very late is saying very clearly that they are more important than anyone who has to wait for them.

If you find it hard to get out of the house you arrange to meet at a time that will give you a long enough time to get ready.

Strangely such people usually can get to work on time, and to the airport in time to go on holiday - if something won't wait (like a plane) or won't tolerate lateness (like most employers) they can indeed be punctual or early... so being late socially is self absorbed and rude - and sometimes attention seeking (making an entrance with the accompanying dramatics "I'm here now! What am I like!")

I only wait 5 minutes for persistent late comers now! I just think "self important prick" and carry on with my day.

Thank you for your messages. Sorry for disappearing.

Thank you for correcting me on my manners. I hadn't thought people would be offended by people being early. On Thursday my ASDA delivery was 40 minutes early! I imagine you would have all been majorly irritated with him, I wondered why he was so apologetic when I commented that he was early when it was simply an observation.

I think I may just insist on time frames from now on, it is much easier. It is usually what I do unless someone else gives the time.