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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate the 'you aren't like other women'

43 replies

Grannypants1 · 17/08/2016 19:41

Heard a woman on the bus from work talking to her mate about how 'we have been texting loads and he said I wasn't like other girls'. Aibu to find it annoying that it flattered her? (maybe Aibu for gegging in on conversations but hey ho) Like isn't that saying other women are bad? Doesn't that mean you are just the best of a bad bunch? What is it?

Does that not come across as a really negative view towards woman. Why would you be happy to hear that he basically doesn't like your gender but you are ok, you are an exception?!? Other women are great. My best friend is funny and kind, the women I work with are witty and intelligent. Why wouldn't I want to be like other women?

Are you meant to fall at the feet of those who seem to have deemed you worthy unlike the rest of the vagopulation which I then are assume are supposed to be sub par.

If my dp ever said this to me I would be well offended.

Rant Rant Rant

OP posts:

KellyBoo800 · 17/08/2016 19:43

Yanbu.

This bothers me a lot.

Amelie10 · 17/08/2016 19:44

My best friend is funny and kind, the women I work with are witty and intelligent. Why wouldn't I want to be like other women?

Are you that naive to think all women are the same?

Sparklesilverglitter · 17/08/2016 19:44

I've never really understood that saying ' your not like other girls' ' your not like other men'
What does it mean? What others are you referring too?

Blistory · 17/08/2016 19:46

It's a crap line, isn't it ?

I wonder if it's to make the woman feel that she's somehow special, that he's the only man that gets her, etc etc all of which is designed to lead to gratefulness and trust in his judgement.

To be fair, I'd had it the other way - as in why can't I be like other women ? I didn't like that any better it has to be said.

WhooooAmI24601 · 17/08/2016 19:46

It's one of those things some men think they need to say in order to woo a woman. Like "I've never felt like this before" and "you turn me on more than anyone I've ever met". I met a few like that in my teens/twenties. It's just scripted bollocks from soap operas.

DH told me "you smell like pineapples" on our first date, best chat-up line ever. (I may or may not have been spangled on malibu and pineapple that evening rather than naturally smelling of large, tropical fruits)

LewisAndClark · 17/08/2016 19:46

It's a red flag to me. 'You're not like the women I cheated on or hit or was just a fucking cunt to'.

It shows a lack of ability to see women as individual, autonomous people imo.

Pestilence13610 · 17/08/2016 19:48

You are not like other girls I have shagged, all of them think I am a bastard the full sentence would not be a good chat up line.

TheNaze73 · 17/08/2016 19:48

Think it depends on the context. If he wasn't particularly articulate or maybe got flustered even thinking of dropping the "L bomb" then it could be seen as a halfway house. On the other hand, it could look like just a shit chat up line

Stylingwax · 17/08/2016 19:48

One of my colleagues told me yesterday that 'most women aren't as intelligent as you'.

karalime · 17/08/2016 20:03

Yes Amelia10 women are unique, so it's not really a compliment is it.

What it means is 'you are not like my stereotype of women, because I do not consider them as individuals but an amorphous blob'.

I'm happy to say that I am like other women. I like other women and I think you're all fab.

KatsutheClockworkOctopus · 17/08/2016 20:17

YY LewisandClark and also puts pressure on the woman to ignore unacceptable behaviour, in order to keep her "special" status.

Pettywoman · 17/08/2016 20:48

Exactly right Katsu. I was going to write something similar.

FullTimeYummy · 17/08/2016 20:53

FFS

Somebody might say such a thing if they have had so many significant negative experiences with women that they have become jaded. Some people get fucked over and again and again by a series of partners. Shockingly, sometimes those people are men.

In the same way, women who've been repeated cheated on and abused by successive men, whose self-esteem is rock-bottom and who have all but given up on meeting a nice man, might be surprised if a decent bloke takes an interest in them, and think "wow, he's not like the others (who treated me like shit)".

But whichever way you look at it, this is MN and the bloke is definitively a bastard with no respect for women.

Ninasimoneinthemorning · 17/08/2016 20:57

YANBU - but I've said this about Dh

It was completly down to my fucking terrible taste in men then meeting my lovey MrSimone.

Will not say it again!

LilyandGinger · 17/08/2016 20:59

A male friend once told me "We consider you to be one of the lads".

I still remember the look on his face when I replied with "only a man would consider that a compliment"

KatieScarlettReregged2 · 17/08/2016 21:00

"You are not like other girls"
A suitable response is to grin maniacally while bustin into a few Thriller moves.
Only if he is over 40 though

AnyFucker · 17/08/2016 21:01

Lewis has it

MatildaOfTuscany · 17/08/2016 21:25

It translates as "I don't like any women at all but I want to get into your knickers".

Fairyliz · 17/08/2016 21:32

Blimey isn't that line from an old horror movie just before she turns into a vampire and bites his neck?

LemonSqueezy0 · 17/08/2016 23:00

I detest this phrase - as well as 'I'm not like other girls'. It's so misogynistic and transparent. I always feel like what's being left unsaid is key to understanding the real intention. As in, these Other 'girls' moaned alot about me drinking away the rent money, me shagging their best mate, knocking seven shades out of them. It's a way to manipulate someone's behaviour, as they then want to meet the expectations of not being like other girls and please the person. If you ever feel the need to say you're not like other girls then I suggest you go out and meet new, interesting, clever lovely women that you would be honoured to be compared to!

BettyCrystal · 17/08/2016 23:05

Putting a woman on a pedestal so he can knock her down. It's been said to me only by wanky players. Never by decent blokes!

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 17/08/2016 23:13

I agree with your analysis OP.

brambly · 17/08/2016 23:19

I've been on the receiving end of that stupid line many a time.

Insulting on multiple levels. To be genuinely chuffed by the sentiment you'd have to be pretty vapid, so already insulting, but the unavoidable meaning of implying that supposed distinctness from other women is a Very Good Thing is that the speaker thinks that women are shit.

Useful when it comes up though, as one always knows to adopt a "Professor Snape after catching a waft of a particularly rancid cat shit" face and blow the joint as quickly as possible.

Original poster

Grannypants1 · 17/08/2016 23:25

Amelie10 did I miss the part where I said all women are the same? Because as far as I was aware I was just pointing out positive traits in the women around me that I would be happy to be associated with. Is it naive to not blanket hate my gender now?

OP posts:

mimishimmi · 17/08/2016 23:27

I don't like the line either. I've only had it said to me once and thankfully it was nothing more serious than handholding in high school, but it was from a boy who was trying to find the 'perfect girl' (wears no makeup but is naturally beautiful, IQ in the stratosphere, career focused but feminine and submissive to his opinions etc) and who went through practically my entire cohort every couple of weeks Last I heard ,years later, he was still trying.

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