To hate the 'you aren't like other women'

[Grannypants1]

Heard a woman on the bus from work talking to her mate about how 'we have been texting loads and he said I wasn't like other girls'. Aibu to find it annoying that it flattered her? (maybe Aibu for gegging in on conversations but hey ho) Like isn't that saying other women are bad? Doesn't that mean you are just the best of a bad bunch? What is it?

Does that not come across as a really negative view towards woman. Why would you be happy to hear that he basically doesn't like your gender but you are ok, you are an exception?!? Other women are great. My best friend is funny and kind, the women I work with are witty and intelligent. Why wouldn't I want to be like other women?

Are you meant to fall at the feet of those who seem to have deemed you worthy unlike the rest of the vagopulation which I then are assume are supposed to be sub par.

If my dp ever said this to me I would be well offended.

Rant Rant Rant

[WilLiAmHerschel]

A"boy" once said to me that I was the funniest girl he'd ever met. Most girls don't have a good sense of humour.

It's in the same ballpark as the line in the op. Awful.

My DP said when we met I wasn't like any previous girlfriend he'd ever had. Probably because I love football, F1, cars and am generally crap at being a stereotypical woman.

Believe it or not, most of us aren't walking stereotypes.

[positivity123]

I know this is off topic but I hate it when blokes say 'I'd never hurt you'
It's like saying 'but I could if I wanted to' so they still have the power. No bloke who would ever hurt you physically would feel the need to bring it up.
Of course you run the risk of getting hurt emotionally when you get close to someone but that's the risk you take.

[limitedperiodonly]

When you tell men they 'aren't like other men' they don't take it well.

[Zucker]

You're not like other girls is normally in my experience code for being the "cool girlfriend". You're not a nag, spoilsport or general doomer like those others.

[MatildaOfTuscany]

"But I'm not like other women, and am happy to be an individual!"

But surely the point of this thread is that goes for all of us, in all our contradictory, individual glory. Whether that's being a woman who likes football and works as a car mechanic, or a woman who buys Vogue every month and can carry on a shit-hot discussion about current politics, or a woman who loves home baking and works in a women's refuge one night a week, or a woman who's fought against gender stereotyping to become a firefighter, or a SAHM who runs a really lively and informative book group once a month.

What's so offensive about the "you're not like other women" line is it paints women as a borg-like mass of gender stereotypes rather than accepting that we are human beings with the same right to our own individual personalities that men have. And it does the whole "placing the woman you want to shag on a pedestal... temporarily" thing. If a man says this to you, you have to remember you are only on that pedestal 'cos he says so, and he could arbitrarily decide to take you off it at any moment. Is that a place you want to be?

[drspouse]

Pinky I agree - I happen to think it's good to be a woman so I would not really want to be told I'm not like them.

[Willberry]

But I'm not like other women, and am happy to be an individual!

I think you're being a bit harsh, so shes not like other women he knows, so shes not like his mother (which is generally is what it boils down to if DH ever compares me to other women) He's seen something different in her which he likes, great.

[8angle]

I think it's only a reasonable phrase to use if the subject is a genuinely very odd person. Like if they'd published a roadkill cookery book
completely off topic but i knew a couple who used to delight in the fact that they collected road kill to take home and eat - every time i saw them they would inform what delights they had had recently and what had gone well with the "meat"!

[Creatureofthenight]

Given that you don't know the woman or the man and so have no idea of the context of this comment, I'd say YABU.

[Fruu]

I think it's only a reasonable phrase to use if the subject is a genuinely very odd person. Like if they'd published a roadkill cookery book or painted everything in the house purple including the garden sort of odd. Otherwise it's insincere and has insulting connotations.

[BabooshkaKate]

I Used to take great pride in not being like Other Girls when I was an insecure teenager. I have since grown out of this.

[LyndaNotLinda]

It's putting you in the cool girl box. So that it will always be totes fine if he's out with the lads every Friday night while you're pacing the bedroom with a screaming teething baby.

[TwentyCups]

Comparison does not a good compliment make. Especially a comparison which makes sweeping generalisations about Women.

[HelenaDove]

Need a like button for Pinkys post.

[ayeokthen]

My DP said when we met I wasn't like any previous girlfriend he'd ever had. Probably because I love football, F1, cars and am generally crap at being a stereotypical woman. I can do the girly bit when I have to, but I'm happier kicking about in jeans and watching football than getting done up and going out. So I took it as a compliment.

[Atenco]

I had this from a fella who I was introduced to by an amazing friend of mine who had known him for years. I felt that if he wasn't capable of appreciating our mutual friend, he wasn't someone I wanted to be around.

[PinkyofPie]

YANBU. To me this means "I don't really like women in general but I like you". It pits women against each other, and says that 'most' other women are below their standards, but lucky you you're an exception. It would put me off

[HelenaDove]

I had this from an ex. And i felt the same way...........that he seemed to be doing other women down so not a compliment IMO.


Im also suspicious of men who keep sharing "real men dont hit women" memes on fb.

a. its like they want a cookie.

b. it makes me suspicious that its highly likely they dont see emotional and financial abuse as abuse.

[mimishimmi]

I don't like the line either. I've only had it said to me once and thankfully it was nothing more serious than handholding in high school, but it was from a boy who was trying to find the 'perfect girl' (wears no makeup but is naturally beautiful, IQ in the stratosphere, career focused but feminine and submissive to his opinions etc) and who went through practically my entire cohort every couple of weeks Last I heard ,years later, he was still trying.

[Grannypants1]

Amelie10 did I miss the part where I said all women are the same? Because as far as I was aware I was just pointing out positive traits in the women around me that I would be happy to be associated with. Is it naive to not blanket hate my gender now?

[brambly]

I've been on the receiving end of that stupid line many a time.

Insulting on multiple levels. To be genuinely chuffed by the sentiment you'd have to be pretty vapid, so already insulting, but the unavoidable meaning of implying that supposed distinctness from other women is a Very Good Thing is that the speaker thinks that women are shit.

Useful when it comes up though, as one always knows to adopt a "Professor Snape after catching a waft of a particularly rancid cat shit" face and blow the joint as quickly as possible.

[DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease]

I agree with your analysis OP.

[BettyCrystal]

Putting a woman on a pedestal so he can knock her down. It's been said to me only by wanky players. Never by decent blokes!

[LemonSqueezy0]

I detest this phrase - as well as 'I'm not like other girls'. It's so misogynistic and transparent. I always feel like what's being left unsaid is key to understanding the real intention. As in, these Other 'girls' moaned alot about me drinking away the rent money, me shagging their best mate, knocking seven shades out of them. It's a way to manipulate someone's behaviour, as they then want to meet the expectations of not being like other girls and please the person. If you ever feel the need to say you're not like other girls then I suggest you go out and meet new, interesting, clever lovely women that you would be honoured to be compared to!

[Fairyliz]

Blimey isn't that line from an old horror movie just before she turns into a vampire and bites his neck?