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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

People who sing on nights out

50 replies

Nocabbageinmyeye · 14/08/2016 02:05

Outing myself here but I just don't care.

Dh's family are singers, well two of them, sing at weddings/funerals etc, some of the others can sing and some like to think they can. On nights out they sing, every single fucking night, they never don't sing, ever, even if it's unwelcome, they sing, it's their thing and it's the same songs over and over, no change, god forbid they would change. Anyway, when they sing they expect quiet, nobody can speak, wee, go to the bar etc. Aibu to think this is rude? I don't mind a bit of singing, sing if you like but its a pub not a concert, I'm respectful, speak in hushed tones/whispers etc but aibu in thinking everyone needs to be quiet so they can sing is unreasonable? Like put on a concert if you want people to just cut and listen to you

Dh and I had words tonight as the bar closed and I wanted to leave but he thought I should stay (drinkless) and listen to the same people sing the same songs as i always do and just sit there, I think i rarely get a night out so saying a polite goodbye (in between songs) is ok to do and we could have continued our night elsewhere. Aibu?

OP posts:

Birdsgottafly · 14/08/2016 02:14

I've been with Boyfriends who have similar stuff that they 'have to do, because that's what their family do', once or twice, fine, but not constantly.

Ideally you both need a night out, just the two of you, or an agreement that you break off, for the end of the night out.

It boils down to him being open to change, or you going out with other people. You certainly shouldn't be the only one compromising.

RegentsParkWolf · 14/08/2016 02:55

Learn a song - a really long, terrible one. Insist on having your turn every time they sing. They'll soon stop singing on nights your out with them. Seriously though - I'd hate it - makes me cringe.

MimiSunshine · 14/08/2016 03:01

Do you mean they get up on a little stage with a mic like karaoke or an open mic night?

Or do they just start singing at your table and you're expected to sit opposite in silent appreciation and presumably the people nearby are supposed to 'notice' and be agog too?

If the later I think I'd get uncontrollable giggles at the falseness of it all. How about next time they sing Adele's Rolling in the deep (or whatever) you say "oh I love her, can you sing Skyfall?" When they say no, just nod knowingly and say "yes it is a difficult one to do well". Start having some fun with it

But absolutely you should be able to leave if you want and if anyone comments that you haven't heard the full set. Just tell them you remember it from last time

Doinmummy · 14/08/2016 03:04

You need to learn this song

m.youtube.com/watch?v=0doSWS0Fj24

amysmummy12345 · 14/08/2016 03:04

Everything that mimi said!

Zame · 14/08/2016 07:44

Wow that sounds so annoying. I'm with you, quick goodbye when they stop for a breath and then run for your life!

twirlypoo · 14/08/2016 08:03

Ooh this is so weird! My ds dad (we aren't together) was complaining to me a few days ago that his family "like a little sing song" and that his cousins new
Wife was being really rude - at her own wedding - because she asked them to stop as they were too loud!

This was boggling to me! I've met his family loads obviously and they are so normal I can't imagine them having a sing song at all! I would definitely get the giggles

user7755 · 14/08/2016 08:04

Are they folk singers? I have known folk singers / fans who do this.

UterusUterusGhali · 14/08/2016 08:15

Do they sing bawdy cockney vaudeville type songs, OP, or is it more of the Danny Boy type stuff?

We really need to know!

It sounds utterly cringey. I don't think you're being rude at all, but they probably see it as a bit of a snub.
They're probably pissing off everyone in earshot. That's rude.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 14/08/2016 08:18

Sympathies op.
I used to know someone who was surgically attached to his guitar. Everywhere he went, out it came and strum strum strum.
He wasn't a bad player, but after a while I wanted to make him eat the damn thing.

weirdsister · 14/08/2016 08:20

This sounds very funny. what do they sing?

KenDoddsDadsDog · 14/08/2016 08:23

Do they expect the family to listen or everyone who is in the bar ?
It sounds like an episode of the Royle Family.

CruCru · 14/08/2016 08:36

That sounds awful. I have seen people do this in the pub but didn't know them. I assumed that they were pissed - mainly because they kept stopping and then starting new songs. Or maybe they did that because the rest of the pub kept talking.

TeaRexit · 14/08/2016 08:39

happypoobum · 14/08/2016 09:03

I think you have two separate problems here OP.

You find ILS singing cringey. You are perfectly entitled to this view but they are equally entitled to carry on as they like.

On a rare night out, DH takes you out with ILS. Unless it was a birthday/special family occasion, I think maybe he could have taken you out just the two of you, especially if he knows your views about how his family behaves.

Grilledaubergines · 14/08/2016 09:32

I hate this too. The Irish family expect everyone to sit with baited breath and admiration for their good old Irish ditties. It's so false, awkward and embarrassing.

Waltermittythesequel · 14/08/2016 09:35

Are they Irish? If so, it's par for the course.

Try going to a pub in Kerry and not having a singsong! It's great craic!

OnlyHereForTheCamping · 14/08/2016 09:37

This sort of thing makes me die inside. I am Irish I had to leave the country

Original poster

Nocabbageinmyeye · 14/08/2016 09:38

Seems I'm not alone - thank God

To clarify a few things, last night was an occasion, we wouldn't usually go out with them unless it was a birthday/anniversary thing, but me and dh haven't been out in ages (money reasons), I have lost a bit of weight and was feeling great (really outting myself), so when my drink was gone and the pub had finished serving, I was faced with two options (1) sit there in silence, drinkless, and listen to the same people sing the same songs as they do every single time or (2) leg it with dh to a late bar, just us (Although anyone else escaping the singing was welcome), for an extra drink or two and end the night I was really looking forward to off on a fun note. Now I would have left politely between songs, nobody need have known, it's just when the singing starts it sucks the life out of me and I really didn't want my night to end, I don't think that was unreasonable???

Someone asked above about what happens at these sing songs, it's the same people and they all sing the same song every single time, it never varies, now they are good and they can sing but it's the same at every occasion so as I'm not from a "singing family", I think maybe I just don't get it. Like I've been out with other people when a sing song will start (like at 4am at a wedding), where it's fun and people can still talk (While being respectful) or even join it but my God you wouldn't join in with this crowd so it's less of a sing song and more of a watch me sing

OP posts:

Waltermittythesequel · 14/08/2016 09:41

Well that sounds a lot duller than what I've been used to.

I do, however, have an uncle who insists on singing The Town I Loved So Well all the fucking time.

I skipped my cousin's wedding because I couldn't deal with it anymore!

user7755 · 14/08/2016 09:42

If you know what the song is, could you work out a bit of human beat box or a rap, so that you can join in next time?

Original poster

Nocabbageinmyeye · 14/08/2016 09:44

Haha yes we're Irish Grilledaubergines waltermitty and camping so I'm used to a sing song, but I'm my head a sing song just isn't so scripted/repetitive, it's like that think we have bought tickets to their concert. Ah they are grand, maybe I am being a grouch, every other night out I just get to the bar before it closes but last night I wasn't quick enough and the thoughts of that being the end of my night made me want to cry

OP posts:

MrsJayy · 14/08/2016 09:45

My stepdads family is like this its all a bit pub singer my stepgran was a lovely singer she used to sing Robert burns but my aunty was hilarious you would get to the end of a night get ready to go home then hear oohhhh Danny boyyyyyyyy the woman (gawd bless her) could make a 3 miinute song last an hour . Op just embrace it grin like a loon and over enthusiastically clap your Dh will leave in embaressment add a woop woop every now and again.

Original poster

Nocabbageinmyeye · 14/08/2016 09:45

😂 A human heat box would definitely ensure I didn't get invited again

OP posts:

user7755 · 14/08/2016 09:48

Or maybe you could do your own rendition of the milkshake song (is that what it's called?), complete with dance moves?

You just have to start quickly though when you sense that the mood is changing.

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