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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling annoyed at the nursery - nappy under knickers

49 replies

oblada · 13/08/2016 08:18

It is really a first world problem I will admit but just feeling quite annoyed.

My little one has decided to stop wearing nappies (she refuses them, she's about 2), so put onto knickers and she's doing very well. She's been going to the toilet since she was tiny to familiar with the 'concept' but of course her communication is not yet perfect (from a grown up point of view) so accidents do and will happen.

Nursery has been very supportive with this which is great. Had a day with no accident which was fab. But then the next day, DH picked up DD and was told she'd been fab, no accident... Only to find out that someone had put a nappy UNDER her knickers!!! It was the knickers she had on in the morning so no accident. Her bag had a mix of change of clothes and nappies in case. Seriously though WTF? Why would someone do that? I feel like it's undermining us and DD in particular.

I don't mind them putting a nappy on her if she seems particularly distracted and is having "too many" accidents but this?? It is just plain weird..... No?? It's at that time that I miss our childminder the most, she was sooo great in supporting us in potty training the older DD when she was 18months to 2yrs... I know nurseries are busy so it's harder but still I'd like them to be open, honest and supportive.. Just needed to vent really and know if anyone has had any similar experience or an explanation for this!

OP posts:
wobblywonderwoman · 13/08/2016 08:22

I think they are pretending to train her tbh.

Have you a week or two off you could do it yourself. Are you sure she's ready ?

insancerre · 13/08/2016 08:23

The nursery should be working with you

Thinking about explanations
Does she have a sleep? It might be that they put the nappy on for sleep time and they forgot to take it off. Which happens, staff go home or move rooms and messages don't get passed on

I would just speak to her key person or room leader and see if they know what happened

Marsis · 13/08/2016 08:32

Maybe they don't think she is ready? My DD doesn't want to wear a nappy but isn't able to go to the toilet when she needs to. I can imagine it would be very difficult for a nursery with a baby who can't communicate.

Original poster
oblada · 13/08/2016 08:33

My MIL is at home looking after older DD before school so been thinking of maybe putting older DD in nursery for a week and she would keep younger DD instead to get her to a good start... Younger DD is ready yes. She will have accidents but from my experience with older one she is definitely ready.

The sleep explanation seems plausible actually!! Still surprised her key worker (who said she had had no accident) did not pick her up during the afternoon and realised the nappy situation.
Still didn't say to them to put nappy on for sleep... Actually she's pretty dry when sleeping and most nights wakes up with a dry nappy...that's quite different to her sister actually who used to have most accidents whilst asleep.

OP posts:
Skittlesss · 13/08/2016 08:33

Are you sure she is ready to use the toilet? You say your childminder helped train your older child from 18 months to 2 years. In my experience (2 children, aged 4 and 5) it should not take 6 months for a child to be potty trained if they are truly ready.

PerryHatter · 13/08/2016 08:33

Could it be a miscommunication and not necessarily deception?
Are all the staff members aware that she is potty training or just her keyworker and a couple more?

Original poster
oblada · 13/08/2016 08:37

She's definitely ready and can communicate pretty well (better than her sister at the same age actually). I know it's not easy in a nursery setting which is why I was happy to wait longer than I did with her sister but still they should work with us if that's what we want (within reason of course).

Still don't get why anyone would put a nappy AND knickers on Hmm lol

OP posts:
reallyanotherone · 13/08/2016 08:40

They probaby think you're a bit mad for trying to potty train a two year old.

Like pp said, it shouldn't take 6 months.

There's no benefit in early training, just a lot of accidents and washing.

My experience was at 2.5 i suggested using the toilet one morning and she was dry that day. I think we had one accident 3 months late when she was distracted and forgot. Prolonged "training" ( more than a week, two at most) = not ready imo.

Original poster
oblada · 13/08/2016 08:42

Re comment about older DD - it was a rough age thing rather than timeframe. At 18 months approx we started slowly and by 2 approx she had no accident (except VERY exceptional circumstances like anyone I guess). Probably took a few weeks for her to have only the very odd accident. Worked for us anyway.

Yes probably (I hope) miscommunication...but still why put it on and under knickers? Just feeling let down a bit! I will have calmed down by Monday so can discuss it then :)

OP posts:
insancerre · 13/08/2016 08:42

You put the nappy on under the knickers because its easier than taking the knickers off
Its also easier for taking the nappy off
You just lay them down and take the nappy off and then they are ready without having to be redressed
In a busy nursery environment every second counts
Re the sleep nappy. I wouldn't take the chance with a 2 year old being dry during sleeps and I would put a nappy on for sleeps. Having by dding and sleep mats covered in wee is a health hazard for the staff and the children. Then there's unnecessary washing to deal with

MrsBobDylan · 13/08/2016 08:44

If you want DD not to wear nappies then I wouldn't send her in with any, just plenty of changes of clothes.

Although it does seem sensible for her to have her naps wearing one until she's ready to drop those too.

seven201 · 13/08/2016 08:44

How did hey even fit it on under the nickers? Most bizarre. Speak to her key worker next time you see her and ask what's going on.

Original poster
oblada · 13/08/2016 08:45

Maybe they think I'm mad! Ha well won't be the only ones! :) :) still expect them to support my decision as long as it's reasonable (ie they don't have to deal with loads of accidents every day).

It's a good nursery tbh but I really miss the childminder she was fab! (We moved area)

OP posts:
Tubbyinthehottub · 13/08/2016 08:48

Before he was really ready my son went through a phase of wanting to wear pants over his nappy. I guess it made him feel like a big boy. Nursery thought it was a bit strange/funny but went along with it.

Casmama · 13/08/2016 08:51

I cant really see why you are asking the nursery or your MIL to toilet train your DD. IME it works best if you have a few days off and stay close to the house taking them to the toilet approx every half hour.
I also agree with others that if it is taking a few weeks to not have other than the odd accident then it sounds like it is either too early or you/ nursery are not taking her frequently enough.

Pearlman · 13/08/2016 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
oblada · 13/08/2016 09:08

I don't expect anyone to toilet train my child. She has been going on the toilet since 6months old (every morning, every evening). She is simply now ready to tell when she needs to go and therefore I would like them to go along with it as long as it seems to work (ie not loads of accidents during the day). I deal with 'toilet training' slightly differently to most ppl it seems but it works for us. I introduce it very early on and just encourage and support until they are clean. During the recent holidays she was without a nappy most of the time and she is during the week-end but I can't take more time off work now. She just needs someone to pay attention so that she can be heard when asking and develops her confidence that's all.

Tbh nursery has been fab until yesterday which was just odd!

OP posts:
pleasemothermay1 · 13/08/2016 09:09

Children who are ready should be taking no more than. A week and tbh that's pushing it

ApocalypseNowt · 13/08/2016 09:11

I think your nursery probably think your DD is not ready.

Tbh they should have communicated this to you rather than just putting a nappy on her.

pleasemothermay1 · 13/08/2016 09:11

Sorry but most people have to book days off usually a Friday and a Monday then yu do it over the look weekend you can't really leave the houses

Pearlman · 13/08/2016 09:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tigermoll · 13/08/2016 09:34

Why do you send her to nursery with nappies in her bag, if you're going to hit the roof when she wears one?

It sounds like a simple mix-up at nursery. Ask them on monday, when, like you say, you have calmed down. Because I think you are over reacting. Quite a lot.

readingrainbow · 13/08/2016 09:37

I'd be annoyed, OP, because I approach toilet learning in a similar way. We don't expect babies to learn other skills within a set timeframe; I really don't understand why toileting is considered differently. My dd has been out of nappies from a young age, and although at nearly 3 she needs a bit of encouragement or reminding, I don't think that's out of the realm of normal.

And can we please stop repeating the nappy company by-line of "kids aren't ready until at least 2 or 3"? That just isn't the case. We train them to go into their nappies and then have to undo that training a few years later. It's nothing to do with biology.

MardyGrave · 13/08/2016 09:38

How many accidents would you call loads? I would say one a day with more than 2/3 consecutive days is too many during a nursery setting.

Cabrinha · 13/08/2016 09:40

I think it's OTT to say the nursery is undermining you both.
Just speak to them.
Couldn't it have gone like this:

  • just going to pop your nappy on for a sleep sweetie
  • I wear pants now like a big girl
  • OK, how about we just put yout pants on top for now?
  • OK!

I very much doubt anyone set out to "undermine" her.

If she was ready and bothered, at 2 she could have just taken the nappy off herself!