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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to move family abroad?

72 replies

friendish · 08/08/2016 19:09

DH has been offered an opportunity to work in Australia for two years. I would love to go but we have young DCS and it's so far from family. My mum is already piling on the guilt and saying it's too far/expensive to visit and how she won't Skype because it isn't the same as holding her grandchildren. Wwyd?

OP posts:
chickenowner · 08/08/2016 19:18

Go with him. You and your children will have an amazing experience of living in another country, and two years isn't that long. It should be your decision and not your Mum's!

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 08/08/2016 19:21

I'd go. Amazing opportunity.

bakingaddict · 08/08/2016 19:22

Would your DH get a generous relocation package? I would never emigrate myself but would like to live in another country for a just a couple of years if the opportunity ever came up.

rugbychick1 · 08/08/2016 19:23

Go!!!!

Amy214 · 08/08/2016 19:23

Go with him! I would love the opportunity to move to australia. Don't let anyone change your mind, it isn't even that long but you may love it so much that you want to stay!

OreosAreTasty · 08/08/2016 19:24

Gooooooo!

PurpleDaisies · 08/08/2016 19:25

Go go go! I have lots of friends that had done a year or two in New Zealand or Australia (doctors) and absolutely loved it.

You won't regret it.

Sparklesilverglitter · 08/08/2016 19:25

I'd go. It would be a wonderful experience for you and your DC for the 2 years

timeforheroes · 08/08/2016 19:26

100% go. Fantastic opportunity for you all. It will be hard I'm sure for your mum, but you can't live your life like that.

cingolimama · 08/08/2016 19:27

Sorry, but your mum is being manipulative and horrible. Go and have a fantastic experience.

Seryph · 08/08/2016 19:28

Go!

Bumpkin2 · 08/08/2016 19:29

Don't go and let him take me instead?!

Rumpelstiltskin143 · 08/08/2016 19:29

GO!

MagnifiMad · 08/08/2016 19:29

It's 2 years - not so very long - go!

I have been abroad for 5 years now and I know it is really hard on my parents which makes it hard for me. I find it actually gets harder rather than easier and we are looking to move back to my home country now but a limited, 2 year experience abroad sounds fantastic!

Original poster
friendish · 08/08/2016 19:29

The finer details are still to be agreed but there is a relocation package and significant salary increase and the role should open doors on his return in the UK too. I just feel so guilty about taking my children away from their grandparent for two years.

I have to go though don't I? I would always wonder what if. I know it would be good for the kids too as we don't live in a very nice part of the UK either!

OP posts:
MooPointCowsOpinion · 08/08/2016 19:31

Goooooo!

AlpacaLypse · 08/08/2016 19:31

My youngest sister is halfway through doing this but USA rather than Australia. Apart from my nephew and niece's accents going increasingly transatlantic, it's been brilliant.

It does help that both her h's mum and ours have been weepy but also very positive.

Hariasa · 08/08/2016 19:35

We're about to move abroad for two years.

My PILs are very unhappy about it. We're doing it anyway.

They can afford to visit, if they choose not to that's up to them.

It's a brilliant opportunity for DH career wise and a good opportunity for the DC too.

It's only two years, it'll go by in a flash.

chickenowner · 08/08/2016 19:36

Goooooooooooo!!!

Iloveowls2 · 08/08/2016 19:37

Go. It's 2 years. Unless your mum is in ill health where I'd probably reconsider. But it's your life to live your mums role is to support you. Could she in fact fly out for a visit?

NPowerShitShower · 08/08/2016 19:39

Go, but with conditions.

  1. decent relocation package (removal services/mortgage covered for your UK property/housing paid for)
  2. someone to find you accommodation/schools etc when you arrive
  3. you also have the right to work
  4. if you want to return, DH won't stop you. Australia has a huge number of women effectively trapped there due to their children being habitually resident there and so they can't leave. Many went 'temporarily' with their DH's jobs... Make sure you understand The Hague Convention and speak to a lawyer about paperwork.

I have lived all over the world and have found that companies will try and get away with the minimum they can give you. All that said, good luck and hope it works out!

AndYourBirdCanSing · 08/08/2016 19:41

Go! I really hope I will never have this attitude when my own kids grow up. I think your mum should be supportive and lay off the guilt tripping!

justilou · 08/08/2016 19:41

Just check your financials before you commit. The pay probably seems good, but rents/taxes/utilities/insurance are exorbitant, you have to pay every time you see a doctor and again for prescriptions. Food is a lot more expensive, etc... Public transport is expensive and unreliable.
Here are some websites to look at...
Www.realestate.com.au to look at rent prices in the areas you wish to live in...
www.woolworths.com.au - do a fake online shop - make sure you add nappies if your kids are still wearing them...
A lot of people from the UK are bedazzled by the seemingly large salaries but find the cost of living overwhelming...
Apart from that, it's a great place. My husband and I moved from Aus to the Netherlands - was supposed to be 2-3 years and it's been 8! Because we haven't had family or friends (initially) to lean on, we're incredibly close. It's had rough moments but it has definitely cemented our bonds. We are looking at returning one day soon and I'm pretty torn about it.

spanieleyes · 08/08/2016 19:43

Go. We went to the Caribbean when my children were 4 and 2, it was a great experience. Parents and parents in law came to visit several times-as did friends ( it's amazing how many friends you have when you live in the Caribbean! ) and the time flew past, two years is nothing!

Nicnac81 · 08/08/2016 19:45

Go!! My mil and fil botched piled on the guilt when we were just thinking about moving up north!! It's very selfish of them and it is only for 2years ....