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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that attention seeking is a bit like a physical addiction ?

50 replies

user1466795981 · 07/08/2016 21:34

I think that attention seeking is similar to a drug/alcohol/food addiction etc etc in that for attention seekers/narcissists or people who are on some sort of attention seeking streak - a bit of attention is both too much and at the same time 'never enough'

OP posts:
Hassled · 07/08/2016 21:38

But people who crave attention usually have very low self-esteem, so that they need the attention (often created by a drama) to validate themselves, to reassure themselves that they are cared about. So I think you're wrong - it's not really about wanting the drama, but is more "show me that I'm important/notice me".

WorraLiberty · 07/08/2016 21:39

I think extreme attention seeking can be an addiction, yes.

But a mental one, rather than physical.

Original poster
user1466795981 · 07/08/2016 21:42

I see what you mean - but - OK I'm not attention seeking person generally but admit to having an attention seeking streak about 7 years ago on facebook. As soon as I got some attention, I wasn't prepared to stop there I just wanted to say things that were more and more outrageous for effect.

It wasn't my finest hour. I'm now off fb, never to go on it again.

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Original poster
user1466795981 · 07/08/2016 21:44

Worra - yes you're right it's exactly that - a mental addiction- I know it's not physical, it's just that the EFFECTS it produces - wanting more and more - are I think the same as addiction to physical substances

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Hassled · 07/08/2016 21:46

I had my own attention-seeking phase (thankfully pre-FB) in my mid-20s. I made up some bloody awful lies (I want to curl up in a ball and cry just thinking about it) - but it was just all about being in a bad place and wanting to be noticed, wanting to be reassured I was loved and valued. Now I'm wondering what stopped it - was the reassurance I got enough and I then became more confident/happier? If I hadn't felt it was enough would I have just kept going? I really don't know.

i8sum314 · 07/08/2016 21:48

It's a terrible name, but I know a woman who used to invent medical issues, miscarriages, she was always getting car-jacked, locked out, mugged, or she'd won a holiday, or met The Queen.

I think she has Histrionic Personality Disorder. Google it!!!

it is like an addiction i agree because low self esteem can be substituted on a 'temporary' basis by a big ego but the ego needs to be inflated continually. unless the person looks inwards, reflects, grows, tries to build their self-esteem then they need their ego and it's the only way they know how to feel worthy.

TheBatPig · 07/08/2016 21:48

I think you are right in the main. I have certain relatives who are like this. But They would never admit it. Ever. But They do complain when anyone else gets any attention.

i8sum314 · 07/08/2016 21:50

histrionic personality disorder

Original poster
user1466795981 · 07/08/2016 21:52

Hassled - yes I agree that it's about being in a bad place.

TheBatPig - I have relatives also like this. Complaining when other people get attention, when taken to the extreme, and of course with many other behaviours of similar ilk, is narcissistic behaviour.

i8sum - thanks - I'll google that!!

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Original poster
user1466795981 · 07/08/2016 21:54

Thanks i8sum - for that link - I think several of the traits are similar to narcissistic personality disorder.

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curlywurlylover · 07/08/2016 21:56

I always think of Farrah Abraham from
teen mom OG with regards to HPD

TheGruffaloMother · 07/08/2016 21:56

I think there's loads of reasons people seek attention. For some, the drama makes their lives seem more full. Others need to validation. Others still need people to acknowledge that they have an impact on others.

I'd probably be like that myself if I didn't also have such a strong need to not have people talking about my business. Smile

But it can be very sad to watch sometimes. I have a family member like this. I live her to death but she's a bit tragic.

TheGruffaloMother · 07/08/2016 21:57

*love her to death Blush

Arfarfanarf · 13/08/2016 07:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

makingacupoftea · 13/08/2016 08:00

I think it's just wanting someone to look after them. I know that when I feel at my worst with anxiety or depression etc I just wish I had someone to just sit and talk about what has happened - I can't do that but I can easily see how it might turn in to seeking attention for a myriad of other issues without ever talking about the underlying issue.

giraffesCantReachTheirToes · 13/08/2016 08:00

Absolutely. Like munchausens syndrome. Although know that is disputed. But it's likely there IS A real issue there but instead of dealing with it all these false issues are thrown out instead...easier to talk about. And the sympathy/support from them is what the person needs. But because it's not for the REAL issue it never quite hits the spot and doesn't ever get properly dealt with. So it goes on and on either getting more elaborate or same lies but with different people

Original poster
user1466795981 · 13/08/2016 08:18

Arfarfanarf - I did start a lot of threads yesterday - I had a day where I just chilled out and didn't get on with house etc things that needed doing. I'm ashamed of that - I must get on with things today so no more threads!

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Original poster
user1466795981 · 13/08/2016 08:20

It wasn't the only reason I quit Facebook - I quit fb cos was generally sick of all the childish drama

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Original poster
user1466795981 · 13/08/2016 08:21

...including my own at times admittedly!

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Waitingforgodot · 13/08/2016 08:27

Do narcissists have low self esteem? Genuine question.

Original poster
user1466795981 · 13/08/2016 08:35

Do narcissists have low self esteem?

From what I've read and my own personal experience I would say yes definitely.

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SaucyJack · 13/08/2016 08:47

"Do narcissists have low self esteem? "

Yes they do- although once it reaches the level of narcissistic personality disorder (or other MH diagnosis) the narc. may well lack the insight into their own psychology to recognise that their contrived "exceptional" persona of their own making is a front in reaction to their own crippled senses of self and ego.

I did know a real narc once. Fascinating to see- if you could bear to be in her company without wanting to gouge your own eyes out through sheer frustration. (Which no one could)

makingacupoftea · 13/08/2016 08:50

How do you know someone is a narcissist ?

Original poster
user1466795981 · 13/08/2016 09:06

How do you know someone is a narcissist?

Not an exhaustive list but -

Very domineering and getting annoyed with a person if they find out they can't dominate them
Lying about other people to try and discredit them
Wanting to be the centre of attention
Saying things for effect
Unable to just 'get on with things on their own' - like other people and plough their own furrow -have to be recognised
Manipulating

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MissOpheliaBalls · 13/08/2016 09:31

I have two relatives - one of whom is a classic narcissist and who we have limited contact with due to their awful behaviour. The other relative is a lovely person, but has suffered with MH issues most of their life. As a middle child, I believe they were so desperate to be noticed, and validated by their parents, that they created various issues. No one ever said to them "enough" ! So it escalated. Years of therapy have just played into the game. There was one hypnotherapist who got them to the point where the could have let go of their 'crutch' but they just couldn't, they stopped going and made up some lie about the hypnotherapist ! Up until that point they had my complete sympathy but after that I distanced myself. I felt that I was probably contributing to their issues by being sympathetic and trying to help out. Unfortunately, both of their children have the same sort of issues, but one at least is channeling their need for attention by going on the stage.