To think that attention seeking is a bit like a physical addiction ?

[user1466795981]

I think that attention seeking is similar to a drug/alcohol/food addiction etc etc in that for attention seekers/narcissists or people who are on some sort of attention seeking streak - a bit of attention is both too much and at the same time 'never enough'

That's true SaucyJack. There's never any introspection, reflection, growth, change..............

I learnt a lot from my 7 years with a narcissist. About narcissism and about myself. He has learnt nothing. He still hates me because I left him.

'my' narcissist needed to put me down to feel good about himself. So I'd add to user's list:

• being abusive, critical, judgemental and or condescending IN EXCESS to their target/victim/supply, and feeling better afterwards! They feel relieved, their ego inflated. The distress of the other person actually feeds their ego.

You can't challenge them AT ALL unless you want to unleash a shit storm. Saying ''slow down please?'' in a nervous voice when they're driving at 120k with two kids in the back of the car could result in them berating you for not respecting them for two hours.

i8sum - sorry you went through that and - yes I had close contact with a narcissist for years and they absolutely won't accept criticism of any kind. You're right about putting their victim down - especially - humiliating them in public!!

Other narcissistic tendencies:
dominating any situation they are in;
making a noise, singing, chanting or performing an activity very noisily if others are occupied;
making fatuous points in discussions simply to be noticed;
disrupting others' peaceful activities;

All the above came from an ancient list of how to identify attention-seeking children in class, but apply absolutely to adult narcissists. They simply have to be the centre of attention, very little evidence of low self-esteem.

user why are you ashamed of starting so many threads yesterday while you 'were chilling' ? it's no big deal, this is a big web site you can hardly hi jack it. it's good to have a variety of things to talk about on here, imo you aren't attention seeking, i think arfar was being a bit mean when they made that comment about you. post away

I have the misfortune of working with a narcissist, and of not buying into her BS. And so she guns for me as a consequence.

Perhaps the hardest thing for me is to see how vitually everyone else does buy into it, or go along with her. Thereby isolating me further.

good article from elephant journal

I don't know if it mentions interrupting people. The two narcissists I know will try and control friendship groups as well. I know a female narcissist and she took a dislike to me because I didn't play along and admire her! So then I found that she would literally come and stand in front of me if I was talking to somebody, interrupt me, invite my friends over to her house for coffee but not me! It gave her a buzz to feel that she had pushed me out. She hadn't really. But she tried. And she wanted to punish me! She actually hated me I think because I didn't view her how she viewed herself. ie, charismatic, dynamic, to be envied.......... I saw her as a rude woman who interrupted everybody and I never challenged her about it but I didn't laugh along or nod eagerly. So she kind of targeted me a bit for a while. Set out to make me un popular.

The thing is, I wouldn't have found that woman's behaviour so intolerable if I hadn't just left a narcissist. Most people don't care, they just nod along for an easy life. I couldn't do that. So I know that the two are connected.

Generally speaking attention seeking behaviour is designed to...shock...draw attention to something. It's necessary and healthy, like when a child hurts themselves and cries - they're crying for attention, because they are hurt and they need attention/assistance to fix the problem. Even if they're not actually injured, they need to be picked up, dusted off, and reassured that they're alright.

Problem is, adults usually don't know what they need attention for or how to go about getting it appropriately, so it becomes a problem 'cause they have a problem they don't know how to address or fix.

So, no, I don't think it's like an addiction. "Attention Seekers" generally do need something to be addressed, they just don't know what, so they get more attention but it's in the wrong place and then they feel unfulfilled because the thing they thought they wanted hasn't relieved them so they seek more - like a child crying louder because its first cry went unheeded.

Goblin - OMG - that list applies so much to the adult narc I know!!

I know a subject like this is subjective - i.e. what constitutes low self esteem etc - but I don't think trying to dominate is indicative of high self esteem unless you're in a legitimate position of authority for that situation - parent, boss, babysitter. I think invading someone's legitimate privacy is a sign of low self esteem. Similarly, bullies imo have low self esteem. The most mature /self confident people I know don't display any of these tendencies. They're confident, but in a very 'adult' way iyswim.

Thanks mrsfuzzy - congratulations on your new fence, btw - it gives a sense of satisfaction when you get household things etc completed!

To be honest, even before yesterday I was feeling ashamed in the sense that I really need to be getting on with practical stuff in my life - eg dealing with admin, general house things and I get annoyed with myself if I feel I 'waste time' in some way! My sense of shame didn't relate to starting posts per se but my own self perceived 'laziness' generally!! - and you're right - this is a very large forum as fora go.! But, you know what it's like, sometimes one can feel one is going a bit ott with posts etc. But thanks mrsfuzzy - I may start some more today - another 'chill out' day!! ;)

It's hard notaflyingmonkey - but from my experience it gives a great feeling when you are true to yourself!

Thanks i8sum for the article. Interesting the bit about upbringings. I had a narcissistic parent - it's spot on that they are too attentive in some ways - yet neglectful in others when they can afford to be. They are very neglectful parents in situations where they won't get the necessary attention anyway.

Well done though for being true to yourself in that situation.

I'd like to add something else to the aforementioned narcissistic traits - what I feel from experience is that narcissists avoid situations like the plague where they feel they will NOT succeed as they know other people there will have strong personalities etc - so they may be 'shown up'. I invited my mum to a barbecue once and she left VERY soon as did not know anyone and wanted to be the centre of things.

I see what you say IForgotWhoIam - the examples you mention there are when people seek attention for legitimate straightforward reasons.

True, but who's to say an "attention seeker" doesn't have one?

A lot of attention seeking people I've seen have something like depression, narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, chronic stress, etc. going on. All of those are things that need to be addressed and dealt with just like any other ailments.

Don't get me wrong some people are undoubtedly just d-bags, but ultimately the discussion is whether or not attention seeking is an addiction - I don't think it is because (points to first post). My 2cc from experience and study - take it or leave it.

Yes I can see why depressed etc people etc would seek attention. When I went on my attention seeking streak - I felt wrapped up in it and could not stop - until I came off fb and not a moment too soon.!!

Interesting thread. Not sure I agree with one of the points raised though. Do attention seekers always have low self esteem? Not sure, I think many do but some generally think they're great and just love attention. It's like the question of whether those who bully always have low self esteem or are unhappy in some way- I think it's true for some but not for others.

To answer the OP's original question, I definitely think it can be a form of addiction at the extreme of the spectrum- becoming dependent on the high being at the centre of others' worlds gives you.

user1466795981 oh goodness, me too! I used to be hooked on social media and I got so upset because I was seeing so many things my friends were doing that were getting so many likes and comments and I'm sitting at home with my baby and a never ending cycle of Disney and Pocoyo, and I started to get a bit "Look at me! My life is valid too!" until I realized that was all I was doing with my day. Came off FB and dumped my partner at the time (who was negligent and a bit abusive) and within 3 months I was off my meds and really happy. I swear social media is gonna kill us all @_@

Cloudhopping - it is an interesting discussion because personal opinions on bullies /attention seekers etc is subjective. I think the traits that people perceive as constituting maturity/confidence etc is subjective.

I'm just thinking of the MOST mature person I know - he's super confident but not a bully/domineering/attention seeking and he's my 'template' lol!!

IForgotWhoIAm - Pocoyo!!! That's a blast from the past! I remember it well!! You must be talking about circa 2005??! (actually bit later as social media hadn't really taken off then)

Seriously though, no I totally empathise, I was experiencing exactly the same emotions and seeking the same outlets for those emotions as you! Glad things worked out in the end for you!

user1466795981 haha nope - this was...4 years ago? Netflix is my life :-( sad but true. Gotta love Stephen Fry.

Yes - Stephen Fry's brilliant - I just didn't realise Pocoyo was still shown up until that recently

*i8sum314 how do you/did you cope with the woman who was doing that to you? I could do with some tips.

Well i played it wrong at first. I kept pointing out to people how rude she'd been to me but they didnt want to get involved.
So i started being friendly to her friends and just carried on being saner than her.
not much of a plan i know.

I don't know about 'low self esteem'. The most attention-seeking person I know has pretty high self-esteem IMO - I have known him for many years - and is also intensely self centred. Me, me, me, me, me, as the old grannies used to say.

Is that not ego tho?

People with a healthy self esteem dont have as big an ego