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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want sterilised? Advice

34 replies

Flowerbomb1 · 05/08/2016 07:52

Hi, im 23 and have 3 DCs 7,3&1, i had my 1st when OH and I were just 16 (we are still together), back then we decided that we would have 3 kids, fast forward a few years, we have them and are very happy but both adamant we will never have anymore, after DS3 was born I was at the nurse for my check and to talk contraception, I asked to be sterilised and was told 'no chance and even if i got the coil in for 5 years and asked after that they still wouldn't because of my age'.
I would totally understand this if I only had 1 DC. The reason i dont want any other contraception is that none of it agreeds with me, I have had the rod, coil and injection and had to get them took out because of side effects and i wouldnt trust myself with the pill, DS2 just turned 1 and we have just been using condoms since he was born which we both dont particularly like.
AIBU? Do i have a case here or will i just have to accept the answer i got (i also mentioned it to my gp and he said the same), is there any ladies on here who have been sterilised at a young age? Advice needed x

OP posts:
Original poster
Flowerbomb1 · 05/08/2016 07:54

'After DC3 was born' i have 2 boys and 1 girl.

OP posts:
TheFear · 05/08/2016 07:56

Can your partner get the snip instead?
Personally at 23 I would never rule out having more kids, you have at least 17 years more child bearing left in you in theory, you never know what life might throw at you.

Pearlman · 05/08/2016 07:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mumberjack · 05/08/2016 08:01

One of my friends was sterilised aged 28 after having 3 children (her youngest was a surprise, she found out at 20wks pg, about 14 months between DC2 & DC3). I'm not sure if she had to fight to get it, but did have some gynae problems after having it done. Perhaps some of the docs reasoning is that the side effects could be uncomfortable or unpleasant and that you'd potentially need to live with them for years.

KatyN · 05/08/2016 08:04

I asked to be sterilised and my mw said I might be a bit young, I'm 38!! It's not what you asked but you said you had side effects from the coil. Is this the hormonal one?? I have a copper coil so no hormones. K

Original poster
Flowerbomb1 · 05/08/2016 08:06

OH would have got the snip but he is a woose and is petrified of anything medical. I also dont think my body could cope with another pregnancy ive had spd with all 3 and it was so much worse with each child, i was in crutches from 4 months with DS2, i still suffer from pain in my pelvis a year on.

OP posts:
NeedACleverNN · 05/08/2016 08:07

It's annoying when they will put up less of a fuss for a vasectomy.

If I wanted to be sterilised they will always use the more children argument. Yet whilst I would love more children, physically my body couldn't cope so it has to be no more.

But they would still argue.

You can pay privately though can't you? And they can't argue about it?

Original poster
Flowerbomb1 · 05/08/2016 08:16

CleverAneedNN - can you get this done privately without any questions asked? I may look into that.

It is annoying, the point is even if we split up and moved on i still wouldnt want more kids for reasons ive already mentioned, I dont get how theu can use the age argument with women but are happy to give a man the snip at any age, my friends partner got the snip a couple of years ago after their second child at 25.

OP posts:
NeedACleverNN · 05/08/2016 08:20

I don't know. I've been told that a man can have a vasectomy done privately without any arguments. So I wonder if it's the same for a woman

Mamabear14 · 05/08/2016 08:20

I recently asked my doc about being sterilised. I'm 30, with 3 kids, youngest just turned 1. I had horrific spd with the last one, and am going in for rectocele repair after having her pretty much broke me! I was referred with no question, but he did say that I should get DP to have the snip, it's more effective with less risk apparently, and that's why they prefer the man to do it.

BurnTheBlackSuit · 05/08/2016 08:26

Men do have questions asked and get the age question (even in their late 30s). The NHS wouldn't be doing its job if it didn't make you think everything through and make sure you were really sure before they do a life changing procedure.

It is far easier for men to get the snip (a walk in procedure) than for women to get sterilised (which is a major operation). Tell your husband to stop being silly and and get sorted.

MotherKat · 05/08/2016 08:29

I'm 35 and they did my tubes when I was having a c section with my twins, but that may have been a cost saving measure as I'd been in hospital for most of my pregnancy. I'd go back for a second opinion if I were you, but you may want to have a discussion with your husband, as vasectomies are day surgery, but female sterilisation is major surgery and will take 6-8 weeks to recover, where he'll have to run around after all your little ones.

Suzietwo · 05/08/2016 08:31

I was sterilised after my 4th section aged 38 totally by choice. There's a mental adjustment which isn't difficult but I'm not sure if have wanted to make if further babies weren't physically dangerous

Sofabitch · 05/08/2016 08:41

We had this problem. Although we wanted a vasectomy. 3 children by 21 but they still wouldn't consider it. Every single type of contraception gave me problems. I rejected the coil. Hormonal stuff like the implant injection and pill made me really ill. And my partner could not keep an errectio with condoms.plus the fact that I'm stupidly fertile. Literally every single slip up left me pregnant.

So we persisted another 4 years.. and now have 4 children. But they did give him the vasectomy at 25 which was with a real fight.

Nearly 8 years on we have no regrets and are super unlikely too.

I think they make it far to hard to access this type of operation. Particularly at a time when they are villinising people for having more children than they can afford.

PixieMiss · 05/08/2016 09:05

I went to the GP with the same request earlier in the week. I armed myself with information and gave all my reasoning.

The GP understood and said she would refer me but it would be pointless to do so as the gynae would send me away.

She, like you experienced, suggested a coil as long-term option but I am terrified of internals so it is not an option for me.

I don't want to spend the next 20 years of my life on contraception!

lalalalyra · 05/08/2016 09:07

It seems to depend in your GP. Mine have said they categorically will not consider sterilising me until I'm at least 40 despite 5 biological kids (plus DS ). And that's despite the fact they don't recommend vasectomy for DH because of his issues with local anaesthetics

Pearlman · 05/08/2016 09:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peasareevilcreatures · 05/08/2016 09:24

MotherKat Sterilisation is day surgery by keyhole normally. I was fine by the next day.

I had mine done at 38 but even then had to convince the doctor that I was done with having children.

Coconutty · 05/08/2016 09:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsJayy · 05/08/2016 09:38

Asked to be referred to a gynae just say you have health problems in pregnancy and want a referral to discuss it with them thats what i did at 27 when i wanted sterillised i was quite assertive with the gp i just nagged. the decision to be sterrrilised is personal even if you are 23 they should not be telling you you are to young or ask for a private referral i got it on nhs but if they are adament then look into private hospitals in your area and get referred there.

Original poster
Flowerbomb1 · 05/08/2016 10:02

Thanks for the advice, im going to go and get a second opinion from a different gp and if i dont have any luck with that i will look into having it done privately.

I, like you, PixieMiss do not want to spend the next 20-30 years on contraception, especially with the side effects ive already experienced x

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 05/08/2016 10:05

I think longterm contraceptives must be a complete pain you know yourself when you are finished having babies.

MrsJoeyMaynard · 05/08/2016 10:13

I had a friend who wanted to be sterilised when she was about 20 - 21. She was adamant that she never wanted kids, and other forms of contraception were disagreeing with her.
Her GP would not consider referring her because of her age and also because she had no children.

She got it done privately before she was 22. I don't know how many questions they asked before she had it done privately, but from conversations we had at the time, I think the main delay was her getting the money together to pay for the private treatment.

She did regret doing it about 10 years down the line when she started feeling broody, but bear in mind that she hadn't had any children beforehand, so a different situation to yours, OP.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 05/08/2016 10:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gowgirl · 05/08/2016 11:12

I was told no by my GP, the surgeon did it for me while he performed the c section, he was a very nice manGrin