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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not make my daughter share

42 replies

1AngelicFruitCake · 31/07/2016 13:45

Went to local park yesterday and walked into the sandpit area with my daughter (just turned 2) and a boy (turned out he was 3) came straight up to her and said 'I want it!' and took the bucket and spade off her and started playing. My daughter just stood there and tried to get it back but he continued to dig. I said loudly 'X, just let him have a go with your bucket and spade' thinking a parent would realise and come over. His dad approached, said hello to me and proceeded to watch as his son continued to play and my daughter watched. I then said 'Right, it's X's go now' and when he didn't hand it over I gently took it from him. Dad just watched. Was I unreasonable?

OP posts:
NickyEds · 31/07/2016 13:47

No, I probably would have done it as soon as he snatched it off your dd tbh!

justpeachy74 · 31/07/2016 13:48

No. Sounds reasonable to me.

ayeokthen · 31/07/2016 13:49

Your title is misleading, your daughter wasn't in the wrong here but the title makes it sound as if she was. I'd have taken it back as soon as he took it, then given it to him later if he waited.

tibbawyrots · 31/07/2016 13:49

I would have taken it straight back off him. Otherwise it teaches your DD that anyone bigger than her has more right to her possessions than she does.

dementedpixie · 31/07/2016 13:50

You should have taken it back from him when he first took it as your dd didn't get to play with her own toy

TeaPleaseLouise · 31/07/2016 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 31/07/2016 13:51

I would have taken it back from him as soon as he took it.

Now the lad and your dd think it's Ok to snatch a toy that someone else is playing with.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 31/07/2016 13:53

YNBU. That's her property. How would you feel if someone expected you to share your clothes or make up with them. Not only that but at 2 years old. She hasn't learned sharing skills.
It would obviously be different if bucket and spade actually belonged in the park.
Then it would be public property.

CaptainCrunch · 31/07/2016 13:54

That's not really anything to do with "sharing", that's having your own property snatched off you without consent.

I remember years ago being in a doctor's waiting room with 3 year old DD. She was playing with her own soft toy, a dressed up snowman which she loved. Another child was eyeing it up greedily and her mother obviously thought it was a generic toy from the waiting room. She loudly and snottily said, "Yes, it's not nice that the little girl won't share the snowman with you". I took great pleasure in telling her that the snowman was from Tesco and she was welcome to go and buy one...

summerainbow · 31/07/2016 14:02

This what when most kids go to child care they think everything is for sharing . It up to parents to teach the kids that is not so , but because most parents don't parenthink that often. Y ou get what OP has said happening. You did right OP don't share your kids own toys when out about .

bumsexatthebingo · 31/07/2016 14:06

I wouldn't have taken it off him. You put yourself in danger of getting involved in a toy tussle with a toddler that isn't even yours! I would have asked the dad to get it back. Then hopefully he could have a chat with the boy about it not being nice to take things and watch him more closely.

OohMavis · 31/07/2016 14:07

YWBU to not take it back from him in the first instance.

Amelie10 · 31/07/2016 14:09

I too would have taken it firmly from his hand and said no or something. Your little girl was playing nicely when this bossy boots just came and grabbed it.

AppleAndBlackberry · 31/07/2016 14:11

I would have taken it straight back too, although if the child had resisted I would have asked their parent if possible. Different if you've gone with friends or it's a guest in your home, but children shouldn't have to share their things with random children in the park before they've even had a turn.

Original poster
1AngelicFruitCake · 31/07/2016 14:11

Sorry if my title was misleading. The reaction from the dad made me wonder if I was being unreasonable. I feel really guilty now that I didn't take it straight back. I'm not the most confrontational person and sometimes find it hard to judge these sorts of things. Once I'd given it back to my daughter he sort of stood there watching (as did his dad!) and tried to play with her and took the spade again, all with dad watching. At this point I took it straight back and did so again after that. Really should have done that to start with. Why the dad thought his son should be allowed to do that I don't know!

OP posts:
Original poster
1AngelicFruitCake · 31/07/2016 14:15

Bumsex - I did wonder if I should have let his dad get it back but as he just watched he obviously didn't see it as a problem! Once I got it back he even said to his child 'Don't worry, I'm sure the little girl will share soon'

OP posts:
Marymoosmum14 · 31/07/2016 14:16

If I am honest it would depend on my mood, I would have just let him have it and found my DD something else, taken it straight back off him or said something to the dad. It would depend if I was feeling confrontational or not.

diddl · 31/07/2016 14:17

Did they realise that it was your own stuff that you had taken with you?

kaitlinktm · 31/07/2016 14:41

Yes - I also wonder if the dad realised it was her own toy and not one that was left in the sandpit for general use.

This is because years ago when on holiday I had a similar experience with children and an inflatable toy in a swimming pool - they thought it belonged to the hotel but in fact it belonged to my family. The father was quite vocal about it until he realised. I told him we didn't mind sharing, but drew the line at children not being allowed to play with their own toys.

Lweji · 31/07/2016 14:46

You don't really have to snatch toys from children. Just say out loud that it doesn't belong to them and they should give it back and never snatch from other children, but ask politely. Loud enough for the father to hear.
Whoever the toy belonged to, if any child wants to play they should ask. Always.

Henbythesea · 31/07/2016 14:54

i would have taken it back straight away, gently but firmly. Important for your dd to know she counts.

The whole sharing thing frustrates me. Children of that age are too young to fully understand the concept and I don't think it should be forced. I have a friend who regularly brings her own 2 year old to tears, forcing him to share what are clearly his most precious toys to satisfy her own desire for him to be a 'good boy' Hmm drives me bananas!

BillSykesDog · 31/07/2016 15:00

I suspect the Dad probably thought that it was a common toy belonging to the sandpit and not your DDs own personal toy which is why he didn't make him give it back. I think you handled it all well, no harm done. Wouldn't worry about it.

BillSykesDog · 31/07/2016 15:02

Sorry, didn't explain well maybe. In that situation if the toy was one that 'lived' in the sandpit (which I think the father probably thought it was) sharing would have been appropriate. But as it wasn't and it was your own toy I don't really think sharing is relevant here. I would only expect a child to share that sort of toy with a sibling or a child in their own party, not a stranger.

Brandonstarkflakes · 31/07/2016 15:04

Oh god it's so awkward when kids do this and the bloody parents just stand and do nothing!

diddl · 31/07/2016 15:07

Sorry, even if they didn't know that it was yours, that doesn't excuse the little boy snatching it away, but wondered if the dad didn't see/hear what had happened & just assumed tha this son was playing with something from the sandpit iyswim.