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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be really annoyed with him?

52 replies

mum2benicole · 29/07/2016 22:02

Ok so my partners had a meal with old friends planned for just over a week. Tonight night table booked for 8pm, ironed his clothes while he was in the shower I even played for his hair cut and gave him £40. We have two kids one is almost 3 the other 14 months and they aren't easy to get to bed.
He said he would help me get them to bed and settled before he went out which is normal done by 7.30 but it came to 6pm and he said I'm of bye and took off. I just managed to get both kids down and sorted myself but I'm so annoyed he just upped and left me! He also said he wouldn't be back late before 9.30 yet still no sign and not a single text.
He would have called me 20 times if that was me out so I'm in a right mood.
Aibu?

OP posts:
limon · 29/07/2016 22:18

Yanbu! What other irresponsible and abusive behaviour has he shown to you?

Original poster
mum2benicole · 29/07/2016 22:23

hes not normaly like this we took the kids out we wnt for a walk to the shops and he confessed that when he feels stressed he has started to take codine which was a big shock to be honest i cant belive its all happening weve been together 7 years this is out of character for him i dont no what to do do i talk to his mam i mean its only ever been me him and the kids we dont get help and we dont go out i just dont no
hes never been agressive as such or abusive just an arse at times.

OP posts:
Crisscrosscranky · 29/07/2016 22:28

He's gone out for a pre-planned dinner on a Friday night with his mates and was still out at 9.30pm. YABU.

Annoying he left you to put kids to bed but it's hardly abusive behaviour as PP suggests.

RubbleBubble00 · 29/07/2016 22:31

In the nicest way - get a grip. He's gone out for dinner with old friends, he doesn't need a curfew. And it's putting two kids to bed, notnthe Olympics

HairySubject · 29/07/2016 22:33

Unless this is a regular thing or you are missing something huge out then I think YABU. You put two kids to bed once and he had hardly been gone a long time. The codiene issue he needs to speak to the GP about.

Lewwat · 29/07/2016 22:35

I'm more concerned that it seems like your giving him pocket money..... And a curfew Hmm

TendonQueen · 29/07/2016 22:36

It's the 'he would have called me 20 times if it had been the other way round' bit that bothers me most. You've made an effort to help him enjoy a night out, which is the kind of nice thing partners should do for one another - when do you get your turn? Even if it's just to go to the cinema while he puts both kids to bed. And if he keeps ringing, you can switch your phone off and remind him later that when he was out, you just got on with it.

Re the codeine, has he got anything particular to be stressed about other than general life with young kids? (That can be enough in itself of course). Get him to see a doctor if he's stressed.

pollyblack · 29/07/2016 22:38

I think yabu really. He shouldnt have said he would do bedtime then not, but i dont think its unreasonable to have a night out and stay out past 9.30z

Original poster
mum2benicole · 29/07/2016 22:38

No way pocket money and a curfew definitely not he doesn't work I'm working part time I got played I gave him the money his mates are arse holes who cheat and get into fights I'm annoyed because he knows how hard the kids are they are babies and he would just the same with me I'm not bothered he's gone out far from it it's the principle

OP posts:
Lookatyourwatchnow · 29/07/2016 22:42

I think your DP going out earlier than planned is the least of your problems

RJnomore1 · 29/07/2016 22:44

It's the 20 phone calls that suggests abuse not the going out.

And it's the not doing what he said he would that's the issue.

It's not good when you can't rely on a partner to follow through on promises.

Why would he be calling you Nicole?

RJnomore1 · 29/07/2016 22:44

Oops missed a comma there.

coolaschmoola · 29/07/2016 22:46

The table was booked for 8pm... He was NEVER going to be home by 9.30pm.

Lorelei76 · 29/07/2016 23:37

I'm confused
He calls you twenty times
You give him money
This is weird.

Lorelei76 · 29/07/2016 23:38

Oh sorry I just saw he doesn't work
Why's that then? Is he ill?

Costacoffeeplease · 29/07/2016 23:57

The table was booked for 8pm... He was NEVER going to be home by 9.30pm.

This

He shouldn't have gone out early without letting you know - he shouldn't text you 20 times if it was you that had gone out

What's your next step?

Patapouf · 30/07/2016 08:19

So you have two young children
He is a STAHP
You only work part time
He is taking codeine, does he have a chronic pain condition that prevents him from working? Or is your part time work paid extremely well?

If he needs your permission to go out to dinner that makes you controlling. An adult having to be home by 9:30 is absurd, the kids are in bed by then so why does he have to rush home? If he is at home with the kids every day do you not think he deserves a night off?

Original poster
mum2benicole · 30/07/2016 08:30

He doesn't work because he wanted me to have a job
He doesn't have a curfew he could stay out all night
I'm not controlling just hate being told one thing then left to do another
Yea he deserves a night out we both do we've done the whole thing our self we don't have anyone at all to help with any of the stuff that goes on in our life and we're only 24
He doesn't have an illness or chronic pain

I'm not the kid of person that rules what her partner dose I'm just upset he didn't care enough to tell me what the plan was instead of up and leaving and then not to tell me he was going to the pub's after and wouldn't be home till after 11pm a call or text to say it was the plan would have been enough I would have gone to bed and that would have been that
The 20 calls he would have made if it was me out that's just his normal thing even if I'm at the shops it a call about how long will u be kids need a bath

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 30/07/2016 08:41

He doesn't work because he wanted me to have a job

So what does he do?

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 30/07/2016 08:45

If he's the SAHP, why does he call you to bath the kids?

Costacoffeeplease · 30/07/2016 08:48

He sounds a dick tbh - why did he want you to work?

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 30/07/2016 08:48

He doesn't work because he wanted me to have a job

That doesn't make much sense. What does he do? Can't you both have a job? Does your part time job pay really well?

RJnomore1 · 30/07/2016 08:54

Is he not capable of bathing the kids or something?

This doesn't sound good op. I was going to ask are you ok but I didn't mean it in the passive aggressive way it is used on here. He seems to be making all the decisions and you are expected to fall into line - even how long you are allowed to take at the shops.

TheUnsullied · 30/07/2016 09:04

People are reading an awful lot into this...I can barely believe abuse has been suggested! Hmm

A SAHP went out for the night leaving the other parent to put the kids to bed. He's been slightly inconsiderate by leaving before he'd planned. Sounds like it's not a regular thing. And the OP is BU expecting a grown adult to stick to a 9:30 curfew. OP has given him money to go out because she's the working parent. Switch the sexes around and people would be telling the OP to stop being controlling.

UnexpectedBaggage · 30/07/2016 09:06

I can see no reason why you are with this man.