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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to pay from friends child's lunch?

58 replies

Jojo96 · 29/07/2016 18:28

My ds (6) and I were due to visit a local farm/play centre today with his friend from school and the friends mum.

She called this morning to apologise and said she was unwell so they wouldn't be able to make make it, she sounded really poorly so I offered to take her son and with us so she could rest.....she accepted.

When I picked him up she gave me £10 and told me it was from her son's money box to pay for his entry and lunch as she doesn't pay for "his fun stuff/days"

Once at the place i took the £10 from his little wallet and put £6 back in which meant he had paid his entry fee.....the boys had a great time and I ordered us all lunch....I felt really guilty making a 5 year old pay for his own lunch so I didn't take any more money from his wallet for it.

Played for another few hours then dropped him home and told his mum what he great day he had and how well behaved he was.

Have since received a message from her asking why he had so much money left over, replied saying I "treated" both boys to lunch so he only had to pay his entry. Haven't heard anything back from her.......now questioning was I wrong to buy his lunch?

OP posts:
neonrainbow · 29/07/2016 18:29

Dont be ridiculous.

MandyFl0ss · 29/07/2016 18:30

Nah. A 5 YO buying his own lunch... weird

amidawish · 29/07/2016 18:32

she sounds like a nutter. where does the £ in his money box come from?

you weren't wrong. you did what you wanted.
she won't reply though, she'll just think "great".

Heidi42 · 29/07/2016 18:32

It was very kind of you op and I thank God there are ppl out there who think like we do kindly and nice , you went with your gut instinct ...you were right well done!

SaucyJack · 29/07/2016 18:33

How little was his wallet? Lovely touch there. I'm welling up.

I don't think you were or weren't BU to pay for his lunch.

But there's no drama here in how his mother chooses to manage his pocket money.

amy85 · 29/07/2016 18:33

Of course yanbu...cant believe she makes him use his money from his piggy bank to pay for himself on days out!

RochelleGoyle · 29/07/2016 18:33

YANBU. I think it was a kind gesture to buy his lunch. If she hasn't got the good grace to acknowledge that, it's not your fault. I suppose she might be feeling guilty/embarrassed. Some people are very funny about money.

228agreenend · 29/07/2016 18:33

I would have bought lunch also.

Bit weird to take the money from his money box.

amidawish · 29/07/2016 18:34

my friend works ft. her dd is lovely and good friends with dd2.
i often see if she wants to come to whatever we're doing in the holidays as i know she's a bit bored at home with her older siblings.
her mum always makes sure she has £20 in her purse and tells me to use it. sometimes i do, sometimes i don't.
sometimes i use it for the entry fee, train, lunch. sometimes if just out and about i pay for everything.
i know whatever i do is fine with the mum
i'm glad she offers tbh, many don't and it does all add up.

RochelleGoyle · 29/07/2016 18:35

Saucy your reply seems a bit cynical! Grin

RichardBucket · 29/07/2016 18:36

It seems very OTT to text you about it rather than just thanking you for taking him. Maybe she's very touchy about accepting "charity", especially if they're hard up for money.

I'd probably reply something breezy like "I treated the boys to lunch - it was my pleasure. Hope you feel better soon!"

orangebird69 · 29/07/2016 18:36

Doesn't pay for his fun stuff? Miserable tight cow.

kurlique · 29/07/2016 18:37

I would have paid for lunch too. Bit odd expecting it to come out of kid's own money, do you think she would have done this if she had been there herself? If she does then that kid needs to be demanding that she reimburses him by the amount that she saves by not feeding him at home for that meal! You would have given him lunch if he had been at your home for the day... So I completely agree with you. Poor sausage I hope he has generous GPs giving him plenty of pocket money! I wonder if he would have had to pay for her if she had gone on the basis that she was only going to enable him to go! Shock

ineedamoreadultieradult · 29/07/2016 18:37

I would do the same but you never know she might put the money in his piggy bank in the first place as her way of saving for trips like this one. It's not as if he's going to take himself to the farm is it. My kids put their birthday and Christmas money away and as they never want to buy anything with it we will sometimes use it to fund trips they want to do like the trampoline park etc that I couldn't really pay for out our weekly budget. Seems sensible to me.

SaucyJack · 29/07/2016 18:45

Well honestly Rochelle.

I can't get me knickers in a twist because someone took money (which they probably put there themselves) out of a kid's money box to pay for a treat for them. What else is it supposed to be for if not for the fun stuff?

It's not like she paid the gas bill with it.

amidawish · 29/07/2016 18:47

we really don't know what the situation is.
he may get very generous regular gifts of money that she puts aside for days out etc..
a friend of mine asks for £ into an "activity account" from her siblings, PILs etc... rather than gifts for her boys. Not a bad idea and one i wish i had thought of tbh. my kids get more fun out of a term's dance lessons than a random present.

RochelleGoyle · 29/07/2016 18:48

Fair enough Saucy, the bit about how little was the wallet just made me laugh!

purplevase4 · 29/07/2016 18:49

I think the point is most people would consider that the money in a money box was for the child to spend on stuff they want. Not days out. However, it does depend on your circumstances - and what the kids want to do with it. You might decide for example that the entry fee for say a museum comes out of the family budget but if they want to go into town and buy themselves an ice cream, that comes out of their money box.

feralgoat · 29/07/2016 18:49

How little was his wallet? Lovely touch there. I'm welling up Grin

PersianCatLady · 29/07/2016 18:51

Perhaps she puts money in the money box every week specifically so that days out in the summer holiday don't come as a financial shock as she has already budgeted the money from them.

As long as her DS hasn't been up chimneys to earn the money, I don't think that there is anything wrong here.

Andbabymakesthree · 29/07/2016 18:53

Maybe she is really skint. Maybe he saw her taking the tenner hence get mentioning it!

Rafflesway · 29/07/2016 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Missgraeme · 29/07/2016 18:58

She hasn't text u back coz she is worried she has to pay for your child next time!!

Onlytimewilltell · 29/07/2016 19:00

No you weren't wrong to buy him lunch if that's what you would normally do when hosting other people's children and could afford to.
Your friend would hate me then, we took my daughters little friend out for the day, he had brought £10 to spend in the gift shop. I sent him home with the things he chose from the gift shop and his £10 back!

Mycraneisfixed · 29/07/2016 19:07

She should have said, "Here's £10 to cover his entry and food etc. Thank you for taking him".
Unnecessary to say it was her DS's pocket money. Just plain weirdConfused

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