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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go out everyday

49 replies

atomsatdawn · 27/07/2016 15:10

Dd is 13 and has mild sn so won't go out on her own. I am self employed so mostly home with her in the holidays. She will not go to any schemes and there aren't many for her age.

In the three weeks she has been off we have been to:
The park x 2
The cinema
The beach
A fun shopping trip
A science workshop
Museum
Aquarium

We are off for a week away. Dd is whining at me because we have stayed in on the other days and 'we are just staying in all holidays and be bored'

So how much do you go out with the kids during the holidays?

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 27/07/2016 15:15

Mine are younger so I tend to go out most days as they need exercising like dogs!!!

Even if it's just to the park for an hour.

Is she able to run any errands for you? Go to the local shop? Will get her to and about and give her a little independence.

Any friends nearby who can come over?

Atinybittiredandsad · 27/07/2016 15:18

Is she not able to go with friends? How mild are her special needs. It must be exhausting op because you hope by this age they start to develop a little independence.

Amelie10 · 27/07/2016 15:21

Yanbu to not go out everyday. She sounds ungrateful to not appreciate that you have done a lot already. Give her some chores to do if she's so bored. Can you sit with her and plan some activities at home that she can get on with by herself? You can't have a fun day out every day.

Original poster
atomsatdawn · 27/07/2016 15:24

She doesn't really have any friends really Sad . She is starting a new school which better meets her needs in September so I hope that will change. The one friend she has doesn't really go out. He just plays xbox.

OP posts:
Goingtobeawesome · 27/07/2016 15:29

I suspect we'll be in more than out this summer holiday. Kids are 11-15 and happy pottering about as long as there's food available.

Atinybittiredandsad · 27/07/2016 15:32

Yes hopefully a new school that suits her will maybe build her confidence and 13 is a bloody awkward age for everyone let alone those with additional needs.

I second give her some chores if possible and maybe letting her be a bit bored isn't a bad thing as it might push her to be a bit more independent.

whois · 27/07/2016 15:38

Gosh i'd go stir crazy sitting at home all day every day.

What about going for a quick walk in the evening after dinner? Lovely to do now the evenings are light.

Original poster
atomsatdawn · 27/07/2016 15:41

She is happy to help me in fairness.
She doesn't necessarily want to go out on money costing activities everyday but she does want to go out for hours (park/local town etc) everyday.

I do find it exhausting. She never wants to be on her own so is with me by my side from 6am to bedtime. She won't even play in her room alone.

OP posts:
Atinybittiredandsad · 27/07/2016 15:43

That would be exhausting for any parent op Flowers

Kpo58 · 27/07/2016 15:44

YABU not going outside your home daily.

Exercise is good for you and outside is good for mental health.

Can you not go pokemon hunting for half hour to an hour daily? You need a lunch break at some point.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 27/07/2016 15:50

I was going to suggest the same as Kpo58, put pokemon go on your phone. We've been walking miles each evening because the app is quite motivating.

splendide · 27/07/2016 15:55

You don't have to go out everyday but staying in 13 days out of 21 does sound like an awful lot of hanging around the house. I certainly wouldn't want to do that.

Could you compromise with her by agreeing a trip in the afternoon if she lets you get on in the morning?

Original poster
atomsatdawn · 27/07/2016 15:58

Just to clarify we leave the house daily for a walk to the local shop and the dog goes out for walks too so she does use pokemon go then.

What I mean is she wants to go out out everyday if that makes sense.

OP posts:
splendide · 27/07/2016 15:59

Oh right then no you are definitely NBU to not do a bells and whistles big day out everyday!

user1469017213 · 27/07/2016 16:00

What I hear is that you would like to stay in and relax! I like to do that. Can't be going out everyday, way too exhausting.

OTOH, lots of children crave outside activity. Perhaps having mild SN this is even more the case? They can get cranky if indoors all day, and need an outlet for their energy.

As she can't go out alone - how about a compromise? Let her run around in the park or something similar for an hour once a day i.e. nothing too demanding for you re. travel and so forth.

I think the odd day completely at home won't do much harm. However are there any places she could go for a whole day or some of the holidays e.g. a playgroup? This will give you a break from her needing your attention all day. You need a holiday too ...

BorpBorpBorp · 27/07/2016 16:00

You might already do this, but would it help her to have a calendar of the week with activities planned, so she can see that you're not going out today, but will go to the park or whatever tomorrow?

Do you know anybody who could take her out for a few hours to give you a break?

gandalf456 · 27/07/2016 16:01

I hear you. Ds and I are homebodies. DD is not and we used to clash all the time over it.

hidingwithwine · 27/07/2016 16:01

Go out everyday? I'd happily stay in for a week at a time! My teens organise themselves and my 8yo is happy going out or staying in. I don't feel any pressure to be out and about. I don't like summer anyway - I'm more likely to drag the youngest out leaf kicking in the autumn.

user1469017213 · 27/07/2016 16:01

When I said 'playgroup' I meant some kind of place where a 13 year old girl with mild SN would feel comfortable. Have you tried ringing your council to find out what might be available?

whois · 27/07/2016 16:06

Go out everyday? I'd happily stay in for a week at a time!

What do you do for exercise? Do you have a big garden?

whois · 27/07/2016 16:07

Just to clarify we leave the house daily for a walk to the local shop and the dog goes out for walks too so she does use pokemon go then.

Oh. Well I think you are not being U then. Since you are actually getting out and about every day.

HermioneJeanGranger · 27/07/2016 16:14

YANBU. She's going out far more than most teens would be - dog walking plus a walk to the local shop is fine.

Why won't she go out on her own? Is she unable to do so, or is she just lacking in confidence? It might be the ideal time to encourage some independence if she wants to go out more.

Original poster
atomsatdawn · 27/07/2016 16:18

She won't go to any schemes i have tried.
What she really wants is to spend every day on the park with a picnic. Which is lovely but not something I can do with work and not something i particularly want to be doing for five hours a day with a 13 year old who will want full interaction the whole time.

That makes me sound awful but i am bloody knackered.

OP posts:
blitheringbuzzards1234 · 27/07/2016 16:21

It would help if she could learn to amuse herself. Could you interest her in a hobby? Sewing, gardening, reading? I've little experience of SN but find that if you have an interest then time just flies by.

steff13 · 27/07/2016 16:23

That makes me sound awful but i am bloody knackered.

I don't think you sound awful. I think it sounds exhausting.