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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to go out everyday

49 replies

atomsatdawn · 27/07/2016 15:10

Dd is 13 and has mild sn so won't go out on her own. I am self employed so mostly home with her in the holidays. She will not go to any schemes and there aren't many for her age.

In the three weeks she has been off we have been to:
The park x 2
The cinema
The beach
A fun shopping trip
A science workshop
Museum
Aquarium

We are off for a week away. Dd is whining at me because we have stayed in on the other days and 'we are just staying in all holidays and be bored'

So how much do you go out with the kids during the holidays?

OP posts:

blankmind · 27/07/2016 16:26

Plan, make and take food for a picnic in the country.

Plan, make and eat a gourmet meal with proper place settings etc.

Make a photomontage online from macro shots of each plant in your garden/on a walk.

Does she like any arts and crafts, how about adult colouring books, making a collage for her room. Could she knit a scarf or crochet a boho bag?

What about learning a new language together for fun, loads of free online courses, the Mi Vida Loca Spanish one involves you in an exciting adventure. www.bbc.co.uk/languages/spanish/mividaloca/

Visit a Pick Your Own fruit and veg place, make something tasty with it when you get home.

Let her grow and eat salad greens or young plants like broccoli, lettuce, peas etc. in a small pot on a windowsill.

What does she do for exercise? Could you have an active half hour doing different exercises every day, she could research them and see what she'd like to try from skipping to yoga.

Original poster

atomsatdawn · 27/07/2016 16:28

This is part of the problem I think. She has had a TA or support within the playground/special lunch room since she was 3. She has never really played on her own or had to work independently or amuse herself. She has always had a support worker/nursery nurse or TA on her table to interact with so i don't think she has ever learnt to.

She won't go to new places easily with new people and we have tried hobbies but she won't stick at it.

OP posts:

Original poster

atomsatdawn · 27/07/2016 16:32

Blankpost xxpost thankyou some great ideas.
Up to July she was doing a martial art but will no longer go. So now it is just PE and walking. She would like growing things and she is starting Spanish soon at school so that would help her.

Just for how bad it is. If I go in another room she starts shouting me and follows me in to that room if I don't come back.

OP posts:

Stressedoldmom · 27/07/2016 16:34

Does she have a games console? My son is SN (although older than your daughter) and is the opposite, never wants to go out. He enjoys games and 'chatting' to his friends over his xbox. Games like Minecraft are great.

PersianCatLady · 27/07/2016 16:37

I don't mean to come across as insensitive but why don't you want to go out with your child everyday?

stealthsquiggle · 27/07/2016 16:37

That sounds utterly exhausting, OP.

My 13yo would far rather stay at home than go out, which is occasionally frustrating, but I can work from home and not see him apart from lunch for a whole day. Not that he wouldn't like the company, sometimes (and DH or I do take odd days off and drag both DC out), but he doesn't need it - DD does a bit more, but at 9 even she can manage most of a day, as long as home days ar interspersed with holiday club days to get her away from her brother.

Fingers crossed new school promotes independence, and that this time next year you are complaining that you haven't seen her for dust...

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 27/07/2016 16:42

She has to learn to be bored. She needs to be comfortable in her own company too.

I know she has SN, but these are life skills she needs to pick up to live.

It may just be worth taking the backlash over not going out, and leaving the room and not allowing her to follow. She can't learn to cope if she's never challenging herself to do so.

(I have two boys with ASD, I really do feel your pain )

wobblywonderwoman · 27/07/2016 16:46

Very hard op.. You gave been more than good. You do go out everyday but she wants a 'trip' everyday and real life isnt like that.

I would be firm with her and put up a schedule/timetable so she knows she has things to look forward to but has do do craft or whatever on the other days

WilLiAmHerschel · 27/07/2016 16:48

It does sound hard op. I sympathise with you. Are there any activities she could do indoors. Something that would keep her occupied but with little supervision needed from you.

Maybe baking/cooking? You could write out the recipe, shop together for the ingredients. If necessary you could weigh things out and supervise while she gets on. It could be what you have for dinner that night or dessert maybe.

Some sort of craft activity. I think Wilkinsons sell boxes of different craft kits with the materials and instructions.

If she likes puzzles like sudoku or crosswords you can get books or magazines usually in newsagents.

Maybe building an indoor fort (Or is she too old for that? Sorry my dd is only 2!) She could read in it or play a game and have an indoors picnic.

A little gardening project. Or windowsill gardening if you have no garden.

Sorry if all that's uselss op.

WilLiAmHerschel · 27/07/2016 16:49

Sorry blank mind I had sent your post when I posted mine!

WilLiAmHerschel · 27/07/2016 16:49

Had sent = hadn't seen.

Original poster

atomsatdawn · 27/07/2016 16:55

Will have a look at craft kits thanks. We have adult colouring, puzzles, lego etc.

We do have consoles.

She loves baking. Again independence is an issue. I was washing up yesterday after helping to measure out for cookies.
'you need to mix it with me Ma'
'You need to roll it out with me Ma'
'you said Im old enough to do it but I want you to do x,y,z ma'

OP posts:

HermioneJeanGranger · 27/07/2016 17:07

What happens if you refuse to help her? Like, if you say "No, if you want to do x, y or z you have to do it on your own. I'm working."

Does she have a tantrum, badger you, or will she eventually learn to do it on her own?

It sounds very tiring

EweAreHere · 27/07/2016 17:15

With respect, that sounds like more than mild SN. Mild SN children in the school I work in don't get nearly that much attention, and they are encouraged strongly to do things for themselves, work on friendships, etc. Is there someone you can talk to re trying to make your daughter more independent and self-entertaining? The SEN lead at your DD's school might have some suggestions you can try.

EweAreHere · 27/07/2016 17:16

Oh, and if she loves baking, a lot of areas have baking courses for people your daughter's age. Might ask around and strongly encourage her to go!

Original poster

atomsatdawn · 27/07/2016 17:35

If I refuse she just pesters and pesters then sulks.

Her nursery/primary were a tiny village school. She started school selective mute and her social skills were awful (not nasty just didn't mix at all with others) and was one of two children with sen in her class so they had the TA sat with them the whole time. She also has processing issues so the Ta always explained every question. She was lovely but DD had the same TA for four years and became too reliant on her.

She started secondary really struggling to work independently as she had never been taught the skills.

OP posts:

Original poster

atomsatdawn · 27/07/2016 17:43

To add she doesn't have help in class anymore and is academically fine but relies massively on support staff and not being in the yard at break and dinner.

OP posts:

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 27/07/2016 17:48

It really sounds as though her primary have failed her massively :(

stealthsquiggle · 27/07/2016 17:48

Does her sulking = some peace and quiet for you?

Sounds tempting ([meanieparent])

hidingwithwine · 27/07/2016 18:03

Yes, Whois, I do have a big garden, thanks for asking I can exercise in the house if the urge took me and smallest DC is in and out the house all day when he's in the mood.

starfishmummy · 27/07/2016 18:14

Yanbu op.
Mine is 18 and his sn are such that he cant go out on his own. I have told him that being bored in the school holidays is normal!! I certainly didnt get taken out every day when I was a kid.

steff13 · 27/07/2016 18:18

I don't mean to come across as insensitive but why don't you want to go out with your child everyday?

Maybe I'm weird, but I wouldn't want to go out with anyone for hours every single day, regardless of who it is.

PersianCatLady · 27/07/2016 18:26

steff13
When I posted this I thought that the OP meant that there were days when they didn't leave the house at all, I now know this to be incorrect.
I see now that the OP means that she doesn't want to go on an outing everyday and I can totally understand that.

rainbowunicorn · 27/07/2016 18:47

I don't think you are being unreasonable in not wanting to be going on outings every day. I also think that your daughter will never learn to be more independent if you give in to her all the. It may sound hard or cruel but she will benefit hugely in the long run.

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