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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU not to send my ds to pre school?

38 replies

Puddleduckthe2nd · 26/07/2016 14:46

My DS is entitled to his free hours from April next year, he is currently full time at a CM, as I work but everyone has been saying that in order for him to start school without problems he should be going to preschool to get used to the environment.

The main reason we are not sending him to a big nursery is that we can't afford it, even with the free hours included for the year it is £300 a month more expensive.

Our CM doesn't do pick up or drop offs so if he were to go to a preschool with no extra wrap around care, he would also need to change cm, which I don't want to do as he loves his cm and she is fantastic.

Also I feel that he will be in the school system for so many years that it would be nice for him to have the last year in a home from home setting where he is still following the early years curriculum. He goes to toddler groups, there are two other children in cms setting, so he does interact with other children. Also he interacts with his cousins and family friends children.

My family are very against our decision to leave him at the CM until he starts school.

AIBU to think that he won't suffer when he starts school for the sake of an extra year or am I being deluded?

OP posts:

timegate · 26/07/2016 14:47

Yanbu! Surely your CM takes him to playgroups, it's the same thing!

Buggers · 26/07/2016 14:50

Could you maybe put him in a nursery 1 day a week? It is very good for getting them used to the school setting. It's entirely your choice whatever you do though so just ignore people going on about it.

dementedpixie · 26/07/2016 14:50

I'd stick with the childminder too. They can use offer the free hours too if they are registered for it.

Original poster

Puddleduckthe2nd · 26/07/2016 14:51

She does take him to a play group session once a week, the rest of the time they are out and about.

Normally I do ignore other peoples opinions on my parenting but I don't want to do something that is detrimental to him settling into school which is obviously a massive change for him.

OP posts:

AlpacaLypse · 26/07/2016 14:52

What's this monomania about sending children to school before they're even out of nappies?

Your ds will take no harm from continuing with the regime he's got now.

Original poster

Puddleduckthe2nd · 26/07/2016 14:54

yes she does the free hours, which also means that we would be able to breath a bit in regards to finances as the cost of childcare has been nearly crippling us.

OP posts:

Bottomchops · 26/07/2016 14:57

As someone whose dc have gone to the school preschool and nursery I would say don't worry. As long as they are busy and mixing. Yes my dc are very into the routine etc, but give any child a month in reception and I'm sure they'll be adapted. Do what suits you. It's a big compromise.

accidentalpirate · 26/07/2016 14:59

I'm also wondering about pre school. I never went to pre school as a child. I don't think it makes any difference at all. In some countries they don't even go to school until much later if he's happy where he is why change it?

fabulous01 · 26/07/2016 15:02

My girls go to nursery and everyone says they will be well prepared. But I think a child that is happy, parents that aren't stressing about worries (not sure if that exists...) will be fine. Children are adaptable and if it takes a few weeks longer that is fine in big picture. Nursery and child minding is a different experience but different doesn't mean bad.

Leggytadpole · 26/07/2016 15:03

If all of you are happy I wouldn't move him. Trust your instincts. You'll find that when he starts reception he'll be mixing with others from preschool, childminders, nursery and even some that have been at home for the majority of their preschool years. The best start he can have is a happy and settled one and it sounds like that's what he has.

I think children are pushed into these environments way too young, if there is no necessity to send him then don't worry.

Dixiechickonhols · 26/07/2016 15:04

Only thing i'd check is if there are older children at the groups she goes to. If all the 3 and 4 year olds are at preschool and he only has babies and 2 years olds to play with it is not the same as playing with his peers.

d270r0 · 26/07/2016 15:09

I think staying with his childminder for now is fine, especially as he still attends toddler groups.
Just a thought though, you may be entitled to 30 free hours a week from September 2017, in which case you may want to rethink. It might be worth putting him in preschool then a couple of days/mornings a week to get him used to it in his final year before school.

OddBoots · 26/07/2016 15:10

If he accesses his free sessions from April then I am guessing he turns 3 in the first few months of 2017, that means he would not be starting school until Sept 2018, right?

Even if he would benefit from pre-school later (and in my view most childminders are just as good so he probably wouldn't gain much if anything in a non-domestic setting) you have loads of time - you can see how you feel in a year and still have 12 months of pre-school.

If you stick with a CM you may find the potentially staggered starts in reception easier as the CM is likely to still be able to care for him when he isn't in school - you can't do that with a pre-school or nursery.

DinosaursRoar · 26/07/2016 15:11

If the child minder doesn't do drop offs and pick ups, will your ds be changing child minder when he starts school, going into an environment that's new to him with school (the reception first term is very like preschool), not knowing anyone (most people will use preschools so you'll find the 3/4 year olds stop going to toddler groups as they are at preschool), and have to deal with a lot of changes all at once?

I'd be finding a new childminder who will do the school run for your chosen school sooner rather than later, if there's a preschool attached to the school, all the better if they'll do runs to/from there (around here, cm don't charge for the times dcs are at preschools, although some do).

I tend to think it's worth planning each stage with an eye on how well it'll set your dc up for the one after, school is a big change, particularly if your Dc has only had the "home" environment of your house/child minders house. It might be worth finding a childminder now who does wrap around care so you can both use preschool and later on not have too much of a change for your dc when they start school.

Bottomchops · 26/07/2016 15:13

I think that Dixie makes a good point. Make sure they're mixing with their peers.

bittapitta · 26/07/2016 15:13

Reception year gets them used to school!

No need for nursery/preschool, stick with what works for you. Sounds like he is being well socialised anyway.

Crunchymum · 26/07/2016 15:15

How old is the child?

Have to agree with PP about playing with kids of his own age.

Preschool has been a godsend in my house (DS had never been in childcare before and got a full time preschool place a 3y 2m) in term's if his social developmenthe.

Crunchymum · 26/07/2016 15:16

Sorry should read preschool has been a godsend in terms of his social development

2nds · 26/07/2016 15:18

Dinosaurs roar is spot on.

Original poster

Puddleduckthe2nd · 26/07/2016 15:26

Hi,

The plan when he goes to school would be to use the after school club which is available for both schools in our catchment area. My DH can do the drop off as he starts later than me for work. The toddler group that she goes to is specifically for cms, but I will check about the age group that also attend.

OP posts:

Original poster

Puddleduckthe2nd · 26/07/2016 15:27

DS is 2.5 at moment but turns 3 beginning of 2017

OP posts:

Laiste · 26/07/2016 15:31

I agree reception year is quite enough for getting ready for school.

My older 3 didn't go to any pre-schools - just reception when the time came - and they're fine. Settled in fine at school (now teens and 20s). I didn't and DH didn't attend any pre-schools either and we're fully functioning adults too

lalalemon · 26/07/2016 15:31

I worked in a pre-school that was next to a reception class and they had free-flow play between rooms in the afternoon.
Nearly all the children in the reception class had previously been in pre-school, you could definitely tell those that hadn't!
They learn routines and rules and how a class works, and how to work and play with their peers.

Childminders are brilliant as well, but can't provide everything that a Pre-school/nursery can.

DinosaursRoar · 26/07/2016 15:36

So from what you've said, your school will go from being in a home based environment all day (with at best a couple of hours at a group where he has someone dedicated to him) to a full day at school with after school care at the school, not in a more relaxed home environment - that's a big change. (Plus you might need to think how you'll juggle the first month when they do the staggered starts thing)

He's not going to be one of the little ones, so that's in favour for your plans, but I think you'll be asking him to cope with a lot of change at once to avoid a gentler change now.

kiki22 · 26/07/2016 15:39

I wouldn't worry either, mine done his free hours but was a sahm so if he didn't he wouldn't have had more than a couple of him hours a week with other kids as your child is with other kids at cm it wouldn't make much of a difference to him.

DS second year at preschool I went back to college so he went to a cm I actually felt the going between me, dp, nursery teachers and cm wasn't great for him his behaviour suffered for it I think.

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