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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not know how this is going to work

46 replies

Squintforillusionoffitness · 25/07/2016 14:29

House hunting with three others, friends of friends. Seem nice but we all have such different requirements - and budgets! One found a great property but over budget, so suggested two of the group pay £100+ each more per month than person with lowest budget to make up for shortfall. Obviously rooms would be far bigger but what?! That's insane!

One member of the group only wants garden and lounge properties. (Fair enough to but really? In a huge, very expensive city...) Other member wants their dp to come and go as they please. None will consider unfurnished places. We all have different places to go in the morning...

OP posts:

lalalalyra · 25/07/2016 14:31

It's not going to work if you can't even decide on budget.

scurryfunge · 25/07/2016 14:31

Can't you find other people to live with?

Original poster

Squintforillusionoffitness · 25/07/2016 14:32

I can yeah but I like them all. Also I feel like everyone is committed now. We have now decided on a budget but we all have different budgets

OP posts:

Excited101 · 25/07/2016 14:33

I would suggest if you're already falling out about stuff that should be able to be discussed reasonably as adults then perhaps living together isn't the best plans.

As a student it was common to pay more for significantly bigger rooms in shared houses but it was for that reason- it wasn't put on someone because they had more money.

Do yourself a favour and get out now- join an already established house share that suits you and aim to fit in with the new group. This will all end in tears.

ChicRock · 25/07/2016 14:33

Well it's obviously not going to work. Find some other housemates.

Original poster

Squintforillusionoffitness · 25/07/2016 14:35

There's no falling out involved. I'm genuinely intrigued as to whether it can still work. We are getting on well. I just feel like our requirements are pretty disparate.

OP posts:

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 25/07/2016 14:38

It's not going to work unless you get an agreed budget and a common set of minimum criteria (that are possible to achieve within the budget).

Stillunexpected · 25/07/2016 14:41

We have now decided on a budget but we all have different budgets - so actually you haven't decided on a budget at all and some of you can't even afford to live with the others. You all want different things from the properties, different rules on who can stay, different locations in which you need to live for work .......

This is not going to work.

LotsOfShoes · 25/07/2016 14:42

It's not gonna work. I'd be pretty pissed off if someone asked me to pay more rent because I had more money. Seriously, this spells trouble to me. What are you gonna do when bills come in and they're too high? Will the ones with the higher salaries pay it off even if they dodn't use more etc?

DryIce · 25/07/2016 14:49

Obviously paying more just because you have more money isn't on, but I really don't see the problem with paying more for a much bigger room. That has been fairly standard in the sharehouses I have lived in.

If the people being asked to pay more can still afford it, why not just take that one and they get nicer rooms?

whois · 25/07/2016 15:02

It's not going to work unless you get an agreed budget and a common set of minimum criteria (that are possible to achieve within the budget).

Agreed!

Yeah, so like a large double room with en suite might well be £100 more than a small double room with shared bathroom - but the other rooms would be in the middle. Unless there are two huge doubles and one tiny single I guess. But if all the rooms were 'acceptable' I wouldn't be happy about paying £100 extra just cos I could.

If you aren't all happy about the DP coming and going at will then this will cause problems. You probably want to agree something like an even split with alternating weekends so he isn't always at yours?

A lounge would be on my 'desired' for a shared house - would really help to make it successful if there is a common area that isn't just a small kitchen where you can socialize together.

Fairenuff · 25/07/2016 15:02

No I don't think it will work.

MyKingdomForBrie · 25/07/2016 15:05

Definitely more money for a bigger room, why on earth not?! Those in smaller rooms for the same cost are going to be bloody pissed off else. I would definitely want some kind of garden/outdoor space. Depending on your location criteria that's not a huge ask. Why do you mean by 'lounge properties' - a house with a sitting room? Pretty unusual not to have one surely?!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 25/07/2016 15:07

Four of you, (+ one dp who will probably be a near permanent fixture), difficult to agree on everything. You like them all, great, but it won't be a happy house for long if you are pulling in different directions.

HereIAm20 · 25/07/2016 15:08

I look forward to the sequel where everyone has fallen out after they have moved in and where they are arguing that A uses more water so her share of the water bill is higher and where B uses more electricity etc.

It will never work as you haven't even started off on the same page. Also although they are friends of friends be prepared to possibly lose the actual friends when you both start bitching to the mutual friend about each other and she wants nothing to do with any of you.

OnionKnight · 25/07/2016 15:09

It's not going to work, get out now.

Floggingmolly · 25/07/2016 15:10

It is categorically not going to work. You have different budgets, different requirements; and one bright spark thinks some of you should sub the ones with smaller budgets...
Run for the hills. I'd rather live in a shoebox on my own than share with that lot.

Ditsy4 · 25/07/2016 15:11

My daughter pays for an extra room. I think the one with the smallest room pays less.

whois · 25/07/2016 15:12

Why do you mean by 'lounge properties' - a house with a sitting room? Pretty unusual not to have one surely?!

Nah, pretty usual in London (and other 'large expensive cities') for the lounge to be used as a bedroom and to just have the kitchen as common space.

cozietoesie · 25/07/2016 15:17

Even if you're initially in agreement on a property and property budget you would still have all sorts of potential flashpoints - eg people staying, food, cleaning, noise, utility bills etc etc etc.

You're not even in agreement on the property budget at the moment though. It's not going to work out.

bevelino · 25/07/2016 15:20

If two of the friends pay £100+ each per month just because they have a bigger budget and for no other reason, it won't be long before resentment sets in. The suggestion was made because the finder of the property was trying to look for ways to cover the rent and nobody should take it seriously.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 25/07/2016 15:24

No, you are not committed.

I expect all the others are having doubts now too as it becomes clear how different all your needs are.

They'll probably be relieved when the first person says, nah, this isn't going to work, turns out our requirements are too different.

whattodowiththepoo · 25/07/2016 15:34

Are you all recently out of uni? Unless this is all of your first times looking for your own place I don't see how it will work.
If it's your first time then it doesn't sound like everyone is being reasonable but it could all work out ok.

Bear2014 · 25/07/2016 15:36

I rented for years in London and it's pretty standard to split the rent unequally according to who gets the biggest and best room. Why would you expect to pay the same for a small room as you would for a large double with ensuite, for example? Of course there should be a price difference.

It's really hard with house-shares and boyfriends/girlfriends. No one wants to have a house full of partners all using the kitchen and bathroom when you're trying to get ready for work but then you want to be able to have your partner to stay whenever you want. Consideration is key.

One MUST for a harmonious house share is a non-negotiable budget for a cleaner. Passive-aggressive notes about the state of the shower will eventually make you hate each other.

Karmin · 25/07/2016 15:42

I think you need to stop looking anywhere until you have come together and decided and written down the following:

Budget this should be about the same person slightly higher for the DH person

Kitty Contribution - Per month to pay for the general items that everyone shares use of (Loo roll/Bin Liners/Cleaning Stuff)

Cleaning Expectations - Are any of the group significantly messier or tidier than the rest - a common flash point... as well as thinking about a rota for who cleans what when

Food - Is it going to be joint or is it going to be everyone buys for themselves

Respecting Private Space - Obvious but it should be mentioned that the bedrooms are completely private unless invited

Phone Bill - Are you going to share a landline or all have mobile phones?

Bills in general - Gas/Electric/Broadband - whose name will it be in and who is going to pay what percentage - what if Flatmate A has showers twice a day and Flatmate B only has a quick shower every 3 days same with electric requirements that C has the computer on all day everyday and A only uses the iron every 3 weeks.

Guests - This needs to be decided on as well as notice for guests and randoms overnight no one is going to want an unpaying house guest hanging around using the electric and water etc, the DH needs to either be included or the housemate with the DH needs to go to them.

Noise considerations and any requirements for sleeping and getting up. As well as any medical considerations anyone might have such as allergies.

Never assume anything about any of them and Good Luck!

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