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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know how this is going to work

46 replies

Squintforillusionoffitness · 25/07/2016 14:29

House hunting with three others, friends of friends. Seem nice but we all have such different requirements - and budgets! One found a great property but over budget, so suggested two of the group pay £100+ each more per month than person with lowest budget to make up for shortfall. Obviously rooms would be far bigger but what?! That's insane!

One member of the group only wants garden and lounge properties. (Fair enough to but really? In a huge, very expensive city...) Other member wants their dp to come and go as they please. None will consider unfurnished places. We all have different places to go in the morning...

OP posts:
sparechange · 25/07/2016 15:43

Isn't it totally normally for the rooms to be priced differently according to size/facilities etc? Unless it is a new build with identical rooms and bathrooms, it would be really unfair to get everyone to pay the same.

Unless you can agree on an area and budget, you are on to a non-starter. Maybe you could be better off joining an existing flatshare inside your preferred area and price range, and then socialising with your friends? Nothing kills a friendship off like squabbles about washing up

harderandharder2breathe · 25/07/2016 15:52

It's not going to work

If you really want to try you need to all sit down, agree the budget and what might make someone's share more or less (eg ensuite, single room). Agree what you NEED to have and what you really want to have. Bearing in mind the budget, look at whether your wish list is practical.

Visiting partners - set limits! What about one night stands, awkward meeting some random in your kitchen first thin in the morning!
Parking (if you have it/need it)
Bills - who's name are they in, how to share them fairly
Cleaning
Lengthy bathroom rituals, especially in the morning
Do you all have similar working hours?
Are you going to share all food, share things like milk & butter, or not share at all?
Kitty for things like loo roll
What happens if someone needs to move midway through the tenancy? Who's responsible for finding a replacement?

Viviennemary · 25/07/2016 15:57

It sounds like a recipe for disaster. Don't even go there. And partner coming and going! Giant red flag.

toadgirl · 25/07/2016 16:07

As a group, you are not being very considerate of each other already.

What on earth will it be like if you do find a house and have all sorts to thrash out re bills and housework and bringing partners back, etc?

I can't see this working well, I'm sorry.

happypoobum · 25/07/2016 16:09

This is not going to work is it?

I left a flat share because flatmate moved her DP in and he wasn't contributing. He owned his own flat and we were renting, but he stayed over at least four/five nights a week and ate all our food, used all the gas and electric. Plus I felt like a third wheel much of the time and ended up cooped up in my room. The one who wants her DP to "come and go" should go and live with him rather than freeload off of you.

Floggingmolly · 25/07/2016 16:16

Yes, what's with the partner "coming and going as they please"?? Let him contribute to the rent as an official tenant; he can still come and go as he pleases...

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 25/07/2016 16:19

Of course it can work. People are doing this all over the world in big cities (and some not such big cities). But the more ground rules you set, the easier it is.

Biggest tip - get a cleaner.

I'd do this - (you need to be blunt & brutal).

Get everyone together, in person.

Take separate votes on:

Location (have set areas)
How close to tube etc
Parking (maybe more than one vote for different types)
'Lounge'
'Outdoor space'

Any other criteria you think of

After EACH vote ask the minority if they still want to share or if it's a deal breaker for them. If it's a deal breaker ask the rest of the group if they're willing to compromise, if not, that person is out of the share. See who/how many are left and how people are feeling. You may need to do it again when people Still want to share, but it hasn't worked out too well, they'll generally be more prepared and more willing to compromise second time around!

Ask each person what they'd prefer re a room (size/ensuite). Then you know what type of property you're looking for. Do a quick search to see what's available and how much the properties are. Work out how much each person would need to pay (bit of a discussion as to share depending on room types).

Then agree on the various other things that have been mentioned

  • who is responsible for the keave
  • what the 'rules' are re partners/ONS/friends staying/subletting your room
  • how bills are paid/shared
  • process if there are disagreements
Etc

Yes it's an enormous pain in the arse & not very 'relaxed & friendly' but it's WAY better to get it all out in the open BEFORE you commit to anything.

BeMorePanda · 25/07/2016 16:23

It's not unreasonable for those with bigger rooms to pay a bit more than the person who gets the single room.

cozietoesie · 25/07/2016 16:34

In theory, it may not be unreasonable - but it can depend on the person. You can get, from the more ......forceful individual 'Well I pay more for my room so I should be able to.........'. Then someone remonstrates ' but your room is bigger' and they're away.

There just seems to be such lack of clarity and agreement here. I suspect that it will work better once some of the pitfalls have been experienced and the second lot of people have started moving in. It all depends whether the OP is prepared to go through that process. I wouldn't be. I've experienced little but grief in moving in with friends - give me strangers and a good, well-thought-out rental agreement every time.

MerryMarigold · 25/07/2016 16:36

I don't think 100 more a month for a much bigger room is unfair. There has to be some sort of financial incentive with the rooms otherwise who wants the small one? I guess the person with a DP coming in and out should have a bigger room and pay more.

Longlost10 · 25/07/2016 16:50

I don't understand the issue with people paying different amounts for different size rooms. Surely that is standard. You wouldn't pay the same amount as your flatmate for a room half the size, would you. If someone is prepared to pay more and bags the biggest room, let them. Surely their greater input into the rent will help you all

amidawish · 25/07/2016 16:52

isn't it more usual that one person finds a property that suits them and then finds 2 or 3 others to flatshare.

rental properties are scarce. you can't design your own unless your budget is unlimited...

get looking for flats and then see who is in and who is out. much easier.

Original poster
Squintforillusionoffitness · 25/07/2016 17:02

I'm out there looking but it's difficult to reach a compromise. For example one member of group can't afford to furnish but then the others are suggesting we go for viewings anyway? Also one member and I love a certain property but other members (fair enough) think it is overpriced as no garden. I don't know what to do. Feel like everyone has good intentions but very set ideas and no idea how we're going to agree.

DP of friend can only come to house, friend can't go to her house as she lives with strict religious parents. So that's out.

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 25/07/2016 17:05

Who will do the gardening ? Smile Has that been agreed in the event that you have a property with one?

Original poster
Squintforillusionoffitness · 25/07/2016 17:06

No cozie but good good point! Smile

OP posts:
RhiWrites · 25/07/2016 17:13

Oh dear. Have you lived in a houseshare before? There are so many red flags here. I don't think you can agree. Better to get out now than be stuck with these people for a year with none of you happy.

frenchielala · 25/07/2016 17:31

Yes it can work but you guys have got decide a few things first.

Is the city London? Because if it is you really need to roughly set a location. Start with sides of the river - do most of you work North or South? One you've got a rough location then you can work out, is your budget realistic? Then if it isn't.. what is the first compromise that can be made. Probably the garden so look close-ish to a green outdoor space. etc.. a warning that if it is London rental properties can move quickly so you will all need to make a decision quickly.

frenchielala · 25/07/2016 17:32

I would say do not go for an unfurnished property as a group - it is just hassle and you just don't know if it will fit/ work in any future properties you will live in. It is also obviously an additional cost and will need to be replaced if anyone ever moves out and you need to re-fill the room.

Helenluvsrob · 25/07/2016 17:36

If you can't even agree on the budget and rooms etc necessary in your house how are you going to sort out the other crap that goes on without it getting really horrible?

Voice of experience here- my only shared house was a nightmare as 2/4 people had money to burn and 2/4 on a tight budget- hence they didn't care if the heating was on all day and night and the bills were sky high ( and the f**ed things up royally by agreeing to turn everything to the minimum and using fan heaters all the time so the bills went up!)

cozietoesie · 25/07/2016 17:39

How did all this come about, anyway? Does everyone involved suddenly have a pressing need for accommodation (for reasons which don't include them 'not getting on' with current housemates) or was it one of those 'Wouldn't it be great if......' conversations that has grown legs ?

whois · 25/07/2016 18:22

Biggest tip - get a cleaner.

Yes yes YES!

My houseshares with cleaners were way more harmonious than those without.

Phone Bill - Are you going to share a landline or all have mobile phones?

It isn't 1995! Who hasn't got a mobile these days? :-)

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