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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to feel she stole her thunder?

39 replies

38cody · 25/07/2016 01:25

I arranged my DDS party about 6 weeks before the end of term and invited the whole (yr 1) class - a multi sport party, 2pm for an hour, 3pm tea.
Another parent in the class emailed me a week before saying she hoped I wouldn't mind but as it was the end of term there wasn't much time for her to organise dates so she had booked her DD.s party for the same day in the morning (11 til 1) and also invited the class. hers was trampolining,
It was 45mins drive through London traffic from mine so the kids who did come had to dash from one party to the next, those who didn't drive couldn't make it in time and those who did come were all a bit tired and stuffed full of party food from hers. My daughter of course couldn't go to the other girls party as we were setting hers up and I just think it was mean and that she kind of took the magic out of her day.
after the sports none of the kids ate anything as they'd just eaten,
Am I being a bit precious or was the other mother hugely inconsiderate?

OP posts:

ChaosTrulyReigns · 25/07/2016 01:30

I think yabu a bit, actually.

Other mother apologised, there was plenty of time to get between parties and if the children weren't hungry after an hour of multi sports then you weren't working them hard enough.

I would have bunged my DD in with a friend to the first party, and asked other parents to help with transport for non-drivers.

All adds to the fun and sense of community.

MarchelineWhatNot · 25/07/2016 01:31

You have every right to be annoyed, I would be. She was extremely inconsiderate. I hope your DD enjoyed her party in spite of this.

VenusRising · 25/07/2016 01:34

38cody, I think it's best to organise group parties toward the end of term/ busy times.

Maybe this other mum could have shared the organisation and expense and avoided the party race?

It might be something to think about in future?

Hope your little one had a good birthday nonetheless.

bloodyteenagers · 25/07/2016 01:35

She could have easily arranged the next day.
Or the weekend before or afterwards.
However it's happened now. Just be aware of next year when she pulls the same shit and pull her on it when she asks if it's okay. She needs to put thought into her dd's party not delibratly plan for the same day.

whatamockerywemake · 25/07/2016 01:54

The thing is, whether you think it's ok or not, and whether it IS ok or not, there's nothing to stop her pulling this stunt again.

In primary school, a boy had the same birthday as my DD, and one year the mum suggested organising the party dates so they didn't clash "and because my DS wants your DD to come to his party". So we did. OMG... her party was the most rubbish party ever. I have never seen children before not leaving the dinner table because they're so bored all they can do is eat! And HE was soooooo badly behaved at her party.

Rise to the challenge, and just give a better party and let the guests choose!

(or, probably nicer advice if it's not late and you've had too much !!!

Original poster

38cody · 25/07/2016 01:58

Mixed opinions then so I still don't know if I ABU!
ChaosTR - With the most active of sports hours, they just couldn't face another party tea 2hrs after the last.
There were quite a few who went to the first and not to ours so it did have impact.

OP posts:

trafalgargal · 25/07/2016 02:09

I'd approach the Mum first next time and get agreement that you'll have seperate days as some kids missed out due to the logistics of going from one party to the next.
Most parents realize in reception or yar 1 if there's a child with a clashing birthday and sort it out this way. It's a problem that eventually solves itself when kids grow out of whole class parties and move to smaller more select ones.

Only1scoop · 25/07/2016 02:25

She did explain and apologise I guess

I personally wouldn't have done that though, I'd have been concerned about impact on your party.

I can totally see where you are coming from

Onesieisthequeensselfie · 25/07/2016 02:31

Was the other girl invited to your dd's party?

Witchend · 25/07/2016 07:51

They never eat much at a party even if they haven't had another one just before.

ReginaBlitz · 25/07/2016 09:14

Yes it's selfish. I'd be pissed off.

ItWentInMyEye · 25/07/2016 09:17

Yanbu, I'd be really annoyed for my DD too.

DragonsEggsAreAllMine · 25/07/2016 09:21

Even if there hadn't been another party, they would have all had lunch by 3pm as far too late to have not eaten.

Lots wouldn't be able to attend over the summer holidays so she picked the best weekend for her child just as you did for yours.

She chose a different time and venue and even spoke to you about it which she didn't have to at all.

Your daughter could have still attended, one parent sets up and the other goes to the party.

guiltynetter · 25/07/2016 09:22

YANBU, I think she was mean!

LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF · 25/07/2016 09:57

I suppose she was apologetic, so that's something, but I completely understand why you're upset for your poor DD. Make a mental note to start next year's party at eleven so she can't pull the same stunt (although she may the decide to start hers at 8am!)

chocolateworshipper · 25/07/2016 09:58

YANBU. Would be different if the parties were smaller and there were only a couple being invited to both, but as you were both inviting the whole class, she was out of order. Maybe next year you should make your party in the morning, so if she pulls the same stunt, she'll have to make hers in the afternoon!

fuctifino · 25/07/2016 10:01

This happened to my dd during reception year.
Every year after that they had a joint party to avoid the same thing happening again and again.

WeAllHaveWings · 25/07/2016 10:48

ds would have loved, and would have had more than enough energy to go to two sports parties on the same day!

If invitees attended the other party and not yours, maybe the time/location of yours didn't suit them and they wouldn't have gone anyway, that is their prerogative, not her fault (personally I would avoid a whole class Yr1 party which meant hanging around for hours with a 45 min drive each way)

Its unfortunate and sometimes unavoidable on the run up to the holidays parties are a bit more frequent and dates might clash. She was upfront and let you know, not sure what else she could have done. Its likely some of the "magic" was taken out of her party too as after the initial novelty of arriving at her party wore off the dc would have been excited about going to and talking about your party and some would have been disappointed/sad as they weren't going to both.

YABU.

TENDTOprocrastinate · 25/07/2016 10:56

Yanbu, this would've really really annoyed me!! I can't see why another day could not have been chosen by her.

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 25/07/2016 10:57

YANBU. Very inconsiderate.

UnexpectedBaggage · 25/07/2016 10:59

YANBU.

I'd have said I did mind when I got the text.

BoGrainger · 25/07/2016 11:02

I think she took the 'magic' out of the day for you maybe but there's no reason that that would have had any effect on your dd. As long as you made her feel special it was fine

EveOnline2016 · 25/07/2016 11:04

I would have text back and said yes I do mind.

Tbh what rude parents to rsvp to your child party and then not turn up.

With my DC once they commit to a party or play date then we decline any other invite that will clash.

WhooooAmI24601 · 25/07/2016 11:06

I think sometimes you just have to be gracious even though you're pissed off on your DCs behalf. DS2 is 5 and last weekend had 5 birthday parties in two days. The first ones each morning were fine but each successive party got slightly more batshit til the children crashed and burned (most of the children in his class were invited to every party; there's a lot of July babies in his class!). The mums just smiled and got on with it, I think children notice that stuff far less than adults do; I'm sure your DD still had a wonderful day.

TinyTear · 25/07/2016 11:09

it would annoy me!

i contacted a mum in my dd class for our 4 yo party as her DS birthday was the weekend and my DD was weekday, so I checked if he was having his party on sat or sun and did ours the other day... everyone made it to both parties and it was great... if a full weekend but it was the middle of winter...

the previous year (3rd birthday) there was another boy with the same bday, and his party was the morning and ours the afternoon, but as we only invited 7 children (can't fit more in the flat) everyone came...
and our DD had been invited but didn't want to go out in the morning and stayed in helping to organise our party

so she should have checked and not made it the similar party - active - maybe if one had been a sports and the other a magician or something, it would have been different

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