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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Argh, rural weddings

44 replies

rubybleu · 14/07/2016 07:50

Just a moan and I am probably being very unreasonable.

Best friend from Australia is getting married this weekend at fiancé's farm, outside a large city. We originally said we would fly to the nearest city and hire a car. She said, no I recommend Eurostar and we are putting on transport for the guests.

Wedding invite came; single card in French with no info except for timings. Texted her this week to ask what the transport was and got back "we haven't put anything on, we think there are enough guests to share cars to and from, or you can catch a cab".

We also have to attend the wedding post-BBQ the next day as I won't see her otherwise on this trip, and make it back in time for our train.

Car hire + flights was the cheaper option for us but we booked the Eurostar as she strongly recommended it. The car would now have come in really handy, especially as I'm doubtful about getting one for a 4am finish!

AIBU to think if you say you are putting on transport you do so? I know I've left it late to double check the details with her & I know organising weddings is a faff, especially from another country, but still.

OP posts:
Original poster
rubybleu · 14/07/2016 07:51

Sorry, should have mentioned the wedding is in France.

OP posts:
nilbyname · 14/07/2016 07:54

She sounds careless. Can you refund the Eurostar?

Original poster
rubybleu · 14/07/2016 07:57

It's a bit late as we need to get there one way or another - it's just now that we have expensive Eurostar plus expensive last minute car hire instead of cheap flights and cheap hire back in May when I booked!

OP posts:
sharknad0 · 14/07/2016 07:58

YABU

Is it too late to rent a car now? If you arrive by train anywhere, there should be a car rental company nearby. I am sure it's not the cheapest option now, but if you had the cost of various taxis and all the faffing around, that's what I would do.

France is very strict about wedding licences, so the party must be held somewhere else than the actual wedding ceremony anyway. Your friend is very silly, it's up to her to at least "reserve" you a seat in another guest's car. Are you supposed to go round after the ceremony to beg strangers for a place.

Do rent a car. If it means giving a less generous wedding gift, so be it.

2nds · 14/07/2016 08:01

That seems like a massive faff to attend a friend's wedding.

Scarydinosaurs · 14/07/2016 08:07

Ask your friend for the numbers of other guests that you can share cabs with?

Say, we were relying on that transport being provided- any chance you still might organise it? Much easier for her to do it who knows the area/guests, than you who knows nothing!

sharknad0 · 14/07/2016 08:20

sorry, meant YA NOT BU of course!!! Blush
(your friend is BU)

whois · 14/07/2016 08:25

Massive faff! Call her out in it "oh, the o it reason I booked the Eurostar over the cheap flights+ car hire was because you tole me too because you were putting on transport! Quite late to find out otherwise. Please can you put me in touch with another couple we can share a taxi with, and also the number of the taxi firm you have been speaking to to arrange cars for the end? Thanks."

pearlylum · 14/07/2016 08:28

I wouldn't go. Far too much hassle and too much money.

BeatricePotter · 14/07/2016 08:31

I never rely on anyone and always do my own thing. Have had years of this in work doing an 'organising' job.

Bottomchops · 14/07/2016 08:34

It's too late now, but in future always do what is best for you and follow your own logic and needs.

elfofftheshelf · 14/07/2016 08:39

I'd rent a car. The chances of getting a taxi in rural France in the middle of the night are not going to be very high (even if she has pre-warned a local firm that they are likely to need some).

Wolpertinger · 14/07/2016 08:39

Text/email back asking for details of other guests to share with - Scarydinosaurs wording is spot on.

Given she said not to fly/hire a car as she was organizing transport I think you should point this out to her and not let her get off scot free.

yomellamoHelly · 14/07/2016 08:39

This is why we didn't do a friend's wedding in rural France. Whichever way we looked at it it was going to be 13 hours travelling time.
I'd cancel the whole thing if possible.

Mouikey · 14/07/2016 08:40

I think it's a shame this has happened but weddings are a pain to organise. Have a look online because even this late you could probably get a reasonable deal on car hire.

Talk to her about it after if it really grates on you but please not before... One of my very good friends asked me if I would ban her BF from my wedding as she was about to break up with him, two days before my wedding... Quite clearly not my job and we had paid for him, she did get very funny with me and I told her to sort it out herself (not quite sure what she was thinking I could do on the last two days before the wedding!!!), sadly it caused stress but we are all good now (10 years on!!).

idontlikealdi · 14/07/2016 08:42

I would rent a car anyway too. Semi rural France isn't great on taxis never mind rural France at 4am!

BikeGeek · 14/07/2016 08:44

YAB a bit unreasonable. Surely even if you expected the transport you'd check about timings before booking tickets? And then you would have found this out and could book whatever suited best.

If flights were better for you (and you imply eurostar was more expensive) why wouldn't you just ignore friend's recommendation?

ParadiseCity · 14/07/2016 08:46

That is frustrating - for a good friend I would suck it up but warn her she better make the marriage last! I went to a total PITA wedding - shitty hen do, rural wedding, B and B, endless taxis and the bastards split after a year. Angry

Sootica · 14/07/2016 08:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

contrary13 · 14/07/2016 09:01

Huge faff, in my opinion - and I'd be cross, too, OP, at the bride and groom's complete lack of consideration for their guests travel arrangements.

I'm very comfortable with the fact that an invite isn't a summons, and if you hadn't already booked/RSVP'd "yes", I'd be asking if you felt that you absolutely have to be there. Chances are, you won't see her at the post-wedding BBQ, either, so be prepared for that possibility - if she has a lot of guests, then she'll have to flit between everyone, and... well, she'll be a newly-wed who will probably be more absorbed in her groom on the day immediately following their plighting their troth to one another!

Then... I am the person who isn't going to one of her oldest friend (known her since we were 11)'s wedding in September, and that's only in Wales (too far, on a weekday during term-time, too expensive and I went to her first wedding... whilst 39 weeks pregnant. I figure I've done my bit and she knows I love her, and completely understands my lack of presence there!), so I'm probably not the best person to be dispensing advice. Mind, every wedding I've ever attended, since the age of 3, has ended in nasty divorce, which might explain my friend's ready acceptance of my absence Grin (She knows I wish them well, and we're godmother to each other's children, and we have plans to meet up halfway... I just can't afford to trog off for one day, mid-week, half-way across the UK, whilst my 11 year old is in school and my 20 year old is who-knows-where! Plus, I'd actually like this marriage to work out for her... so given my track-record of attending pre-divorce ceremonies, it's all for the best!)

diddl · 14/07/2016 09:01

"It's a bit late as we need to get there one way or another "

Why?

If you want to go then you'll just have to organise it yourselves.

Would flights be too expensive now?

If you're not bothered, get a refund & don't go!

Aeroflotgirl · 14/07/2016 09:03

She sounds cheeky and rude telling you how to get to the venue. I would go with your original plan.

diddl · 14/07/2016 09:03

But yes, of course she really should have organised something if she said she would, or let you know as soon as she decided not to.

ConferencePear · 14/07/2016 09:06

Does the bride live in France ?
Taxis in this part of rural France are as rare as hen's teeth.

londonrach · 14/07/2016 09:20

Hire a car. We did from eurostar and very easy. However yanbu as the whole thing sounds very confusing!

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