Argh, rural weddings

[rubybleu]

Just a moan and I am probably being very unreasonable.

Best friend from Australia is getting married this weekend at fiancé's farm, outside a large city. We originally said we would fly to the nearest city and hire a car. She said, no I recommend Eurostar and we are putting on transport for the guests.

Wedding invite came; single card in French with no info except for timings. Texted her this week to ask what the transport was and got back "we haven't put anything on, we think there are enough guests to share cars to and from, or you can catch a cab".

We also have to attend the wedding post-BBQ the next day as I won't see her otherwise on this trip, and make it back in time for our train.

Car hire + flights was the cheaper option for us but we booked the Eurostar as she strongly recommended it. The car would now have come in really handy, especially as I'm doubtful about getting one for a 4am finish!

AIBU to think if you say you are putting on transport you do so? I know I've left it late to double check the details with her & I know organising weddings is a faff, especially from another country, but still.

Oh god yes weddings in the countryside where you can "just share a taxi" except there's only one taxi for miles around and they've already been booked by someone else. The bride and groom's relatives have already bagged any accommodation at the actual venue and you are left with a hotel in the nearest "town" 30 miles away or a scary B&B in the middle of darkest nowhere, and the owner gets huffy about you returning after 10pm. (bitter experience)

You have to either not go, or hire a car. Really annoying!

Ive had this done to me, being told to get a lift
It is risky even if you get in touch with people and fix it in advance (.which can be hard if they are unsure of their plans)

It only takes one person to be a no show and it falls apart
I'd not go to be honest but otherwise I'd say, look this is a real problem for us, you need to sort transport
The trouble with that is you are dependent on her to actually do it
Sorry to say it but my experience is that people who are very inconsiderate about this sort of thing don't make good friends in tough times anyway...

My brother tried this on and for once I successfully put my foot down. Rural Scotland, no accommodation at the venue, he wanted us to stay at the same hotel as him and he was very vague about how we'd get from venue to hotel, said it wasn't far and there were taxis. It doesn't matter that if it's only a couple of miles when you're wearing high heels and picking your way through a field of cowpats at 2am because there are only 3 taxis in a 100 mile radius and there are 100 people wanting their beds. Brother organized coaches. If you want to have your wedding in the middle of nowhere and you want people to come you need it think it through. In my opinion.

Take a bottle of wine and some little snacks on the Eurostar and you can enjoy your train ride, then take a taxi to the venue. The eurostar is a 10x nicer experience than flying.

As with any big event you need to go off what is said on the invitation not some conversation you had. The bride will always have one thousand things on her mind leading up to setting things in stone.

That is frustrating - for a good friend I would suck it up but warn her she better make the marriage last! I went to a total PITA wedding - shitty hen do, rural wedding, B and B, endless taxis and the bastards split after a year. angry

That reminds me - wedding 150 miles away from our house - on a freaking Wednesday! Church - God knows where, service went on for freaking hours and we had a very small baby, reception somewhere else ridiculous and miles away and no baby change facilities, food not suitable for family member with severe food allergies, bride had a tantrum about something or other and stormed out in the middle before bridesmaid went and calmed her down.

Wedding lasted 9 months. At which point baby was born (so conceived roughly 2 weeks after wedding) which was obviously not the grooms. (Dh is related to the bride.)

At the time it was still the same holiday year for Dh and he had run out of days and Dd's sleep was so bad I was close to actively trying to harm myself. I felt very resentful of the 3 days we spent on that wedding that could have been used instead for Dh taking some time off and letting me sleep.

True, have you been at the glue already? It's kind of early

We have a wedding to attend abroad this year, we've been told they'll be transport but we've hired a car. I don't like relying on other people plus we'll be able to escape for a few days after to see the area.

Dinosaur is right contact the bride and get details of the others for lifts.

I've sent a really polite text asking her to ask her fiancé's family about a cab - she's written back "sorry we've been so disorganised about bus/transport. Fiancé called cab company and its €30 to get there and €60 to get back"

We are going to hire a car. She slid truly one of my oldest friends but FFS, if you are hosting a wedding in the middle of nowhere you need to let people know if you've changed your mind about previously stating you'd put on transport.

Why I haven't nailed this down earlier - I've asked repeatedly for details since the save the date in February; it's all been verbally conveyed to date.

Conference In rural FR. taxis ARE NOT CHEAP !!!!

This kind of wedding really annoys me. "We want to get married somewhere really romantic [i.e. inconvenient] in the middle of nowhere, oh and we'd like everyone to bring their own food." Grrr.

God, the bride sound flaky.

Good luck with hiring a car, we're having to make alternative travel arrangements in France after hire car prices shot up and pound fell after Brexit.

OP what country are you actually travelling from to attend this wedding? If it's a long distance flight then there's another problem, also what if the flight is delayed? If you are still going then car hire is really your only option.

To me this is another major faff, driving in the middle of the night through rural France, what's the phone signal like if you have an emergency?

Honestly I'd be asking the travel companies if I can have my money back, or I'd book a hotel not far from where the airport is and I'd have a little holiday and relax, go sightseeing etc instead of rushing about to go to some wedding and bbq.

People who book 'out of the way' weddings need to understand that their dream out of the way wedding is a nightmare to some guests.

Why couldn't she have got married in rural France and had a party at a later date for those who couldn't make it to France on a date and time and place that was more easily accessible?

It's all part of the wedding day is all about me ethos rather than making it about the guests who are there to celebrate your marriage (usually at a fair cost to themselves). I do think instead of banging on about photo booths and sweet buffets the mags could feature "How to make it easy for guests who aren't local" as with weddings abroad or in non local locations increasing its a growing issue.
Weddings are probably the only event where hosts are told it's socially ok not to worry about your guests LOL

Try www.kayak.co.uk for price comparisons for the car hire.

rural might not be convenient for everybody, but as one (or their parent) need to be a local resident, the bride and groom can't have chosen a random French location.

I am pretty sure you can find taxis anywhere in France, but you do need to book them well in advance if it's the middle of the night! and they charge you accordingly.

Again, I would rent a car. I disagree that the bride is too busy to think about everything, transport is a big thing and she obviously did mention it. I hope OP will still have a great time!

As for a refund only the most expensive Eurostar tickets are refundable so odds are the OP can't get a refund and travel insurances don't have coverage for "the bride forgot"

what's the phone signal like if you have an emergency?

we are talking about rural France, not the middle of the desert. It might be quiet, but it's still a civilised country.

Yanbu unless it was close family I wouldn't bother going if it were me.

In the past I've bent over backwards to join hen dos and helped with wedding prep and attending weddings far from home(still in the uk though) and half the time the bride and groom aren't bothered or at all thankful that you spent a huge sum of money and had to take annual leave from work, organise childcare or care for your pets etc. You end up just being one of many attending their special day. We even got told by one groom "oh hello I forgot we invited you"

Our wedding was rural. Handy enough for one branch of the family, who all knew that part of the country well, but it might as well have been Timbuktu for the city/overseas guests, esp. as wedding and reception were in two separate (rural) locations. 15 mins if you knew where you were going but you'd be guaranteed to get lost otherwise, and we didn't want any phone calls saying "We can't see the sign. We're on the Galway road, though." (wedding nowhere near Galway).

So we organised a coach to take all our guests from a breakfast reception in our city to the wedding, on to the venue, and then home to the original city the next afternoon. It would have been utterly unreasonable to expect people to manage all that on their own, esp. if they weren't familiar with roads etc.

YANBU to be annoyed at bride for implying that all the logistics had been taken care of and then just not doing any of it.

We're in London, wedding is rural France. It's on the fiancé family's farm and I don't begrudge the location one bit, it will be absolutely lovely. She is a dear old friend.

What I'm annoyed about is being recommended to stay in a particular city near the TGV station on the basis that guests will be picked up & dropped off! So now I've got to sort a car and parking for said hire car overnight when we could have stayed closer to the wedding venue.