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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to be upset about this

42 replies

shineysquirell · 10/07/2016 10:20

So we've just got back from a weeks holiday and my sister in law was coming in to look after the cats for us, but when we came home we found out not only had she been looking after the cats she'd cleaned and tidied a bit aswell and tbh yes ok I'm not the most tidy person but we had done quite a bit before we left so it wasn't in that bad a state tbh. But how would you feel if someone came into your home and started cleaning and moving things including furniture around and not only that it's not just stuff on the surface she'd been through cupboards and sorted them aswell. When I came home I wasn't happy but didn't say anything was just quiet cus it didn't feel like I'd come home and I had to spend the rest of the day after traveling just trying to get some normality back to MY home.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 10/07/2016 10:22

If she's just had a tidy around I'd be very grateful.

If she'd moved my furniture around and changed things around I'd be Hmm

dippydeedoo · 10/07/2016 10:28

shes only tried to help you -send her to mine i have no such qualms lol

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/07/2016 10:31

I would also love if someone had sorted our cupboards before we went away. Been doing th3m this morning as they were so grim compared to our holiday house.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/07/2016 10:32

*while we were away not before

AnnaMarlowe · 10/07/2016 10:37

I'm with you. I'd feel that it was a terrible invasion of privacy.

However we've had these kind of threads before and lots of people disagree, they'd be thrilled. My own sister would love it.

Grit your teeth, acknowledge internally that it was probably done out of love. Never ask her to cat sit again

TheUnsullied · 10/07/2016 10:37

If you're generally tidy then she's crossed the line a bit. But if you're not then she's probably done you a favour. I'd have done the same if I was minding my DB's home because it's an utter shit tip.

AgentProvocateur · 10/07/2016 10:38

I'd be thrilled and grateful to come home to a tidy house.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 10/07/2016 10:38

I was just away for a week with my kids and the person I asked to cat sit has redecorated my girls room, sorted my under stairs cupboard and from what I can gather has put a begging post up on Facebook begging for toys and clothes for my children (we came home to a load of toys and clothes) giving details of our history, although not naming us.

We have had a tough time of it and we don't have a lot but we have everything we need.

I feel a bit violated to be honest. I feel your pain.

TallGreenLamp · 10/07/2016 10:43

YANBU, a neighbour did this in my garden, whilst I was actually at home. He involved another neighbour as well. It just embarrassed me and pissed me off, I saw it as him satisfying his iwn standards rather than actually being helpful.

ReginaBlitz · 10/07/2016 10:43

Bloody ungrateful if you ask me! I've just been away for 2 weeks had 2 people in and out to feed cat, fish turn lights on. Not one of the fuckers thought to wash the couple of pots I'd stupidly forgot in the sink... Had to bin them so count yourself lucky.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 10/07/2016 10:47

Wash the dishes? OK
Sorting cupboards? not OK

That's my line anyway (and probably explains why my cats just get sent to kitty prison the cattery for the duration.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 10/07/2016 10:47

Wash the dishes? OK
Sorting cupboards? not OK

That's my line anyway (and probably explains why my cats just get sent to kitty prison the cattery for the duration.

EarthboundMisfit · 10/07/2016 10:48

I did clean my friend's house when I looked after her cat. She'd been in a rush I think to get out of the house and she'd gone away for two weeks leaving the kitchen surfaces and floor covered in bits of food, the bin full and bowls of overripe fruit everywhere. The windows had to be kept shut for the cat. It was July. By day 2 it reeked and flies were appearing.
The thought of her coming back from holiday to that was sad, but I didn't want to offend her either. I just cleaned the kitchen surfaces, got rid of the dishes, rubbish and fruit, hoovered and mopped. I hoped she wouldn't notcie.

JudyCoolibar · 10/07/2016 10:59

YANBU. People who tidy up for you never know what your system is, so you waste more time trying to find things than you would have spent tidying up yourself. They aren't doing you any favours.

metimeisforwimps · 10/07/2016 11:10

I think I'd be happy that she'd done a bit of cleaning. It can be hard to leave the house as you want to find it when ur going away, so she might have thought she was being nice. But the sorting cupboards I think would be have been a step too far for me.

Mari50 · 10/07/2016 11:15

I'd be delighted if I went away on holiday and came home to a tidy organised house, I have no privacy issues or boundary concerns, there's nothing anyone could find out about me tidying my cupboards.
That said my mum came home to find a neighbour had trimmed her hedge and she got the red mist so I get that other people don't like gestures of kindness.

MangoBiscuit · 10/07/2016 11:20

I have previously come back from holiday to find that all our laundry had been done, folded, and displayed on the dining table, place hoovered, and living room re-organised. We don't even have any pets, so no need for the person involved to have been in the house at all, just had a key in case of emergency. The laundry and hoovering I was very grateful for, the living room was a step too far. Spent my next day, jet-lagged and moving furniture back into place. Hmm

Also came back from shopping to find my kitchen re-organised. I swore, a LOT! Same person. She no longer has a key.

If it's a general gathering tidy, or a quick clean, I think that's ok. Someone reorganising any part of your home without asking is totally unreasonable and would piss me right off. YANBU!

TheDuchessOfKidderminster · 10/07/2016 11:22

Washing pots, wiping work tops maybe even a bit of hoovering is ok in my book - things that either won't be noticed or are done for reasons of hygiene. Sorting through cupboards is very definitely not on.

I cleaned the toilet at my parents' house the other week - I really hope they didn't notice!!

MapMyMum · 10/07/2016 11:27

Whether youre generally tidy or not, its an invasion of privacy. Dont ask her to look after the cats in future. If she asks have you had a nice time, id say 'oh yes, but now weve got some sorting out to do at home so its straight back to the grindstone'.... silly cow, why does she think she knows best where things go in your home?

MrsBobDylan · 10/07/2016 11:29

There have been a few threads along these lines over the years and the thing that interests/perplexes me is the moving of furniture.

Are talking a coffee table/stool type furniture or sofa/bed type furniture?

Onenerfwarfrombreakdown · 10/07/2016 11:31

A bit of wiping surface, getting rid of forgotten rubbish or some dishes, I would think that was helpful and be glad I hadn't come back to a mess.

But going into cupboards/rearranging furniture or going upstairs/into bedrooms is a No-No in my book and would be over stepping my boundaries!

I would be annoyed too OP, would find it very difficult to say anything as I'm sure they thought they were being kind, but I wouldn't be asking them back again.

redskytonight · 10/07/2016 11:35

might she have moved furniture to get at / look for the cats? Otherwise, it's just a plain weird thing to do!!

EttaJ · 10/07/2016 11:35

I would be really happy but my home wouldn't warrant it. Maybe it was more of a state than you think? The cupboards she sorted, depends what sort, kitchen not unreasonable but others yes, too intrusive. Be grateful !

Wolpertinger · 10/07/2016 11:41

My mother would do this - but that's fine, she's my mother. She seems to do it for neighbours as well and they ask her again so apparently she has a personality that let's her get away with it like she does everything

Anyone else - more than washing up and a wipe down of worktops is fucking weird and nosy. I'd been deeply unhappy, not say anything and just silently resent them for the next 20 years unhelpful

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/07/2016 11:46

My MIL has done this, in conjunction with DH. Things have been moved, lost, broken as a result and I've had MAJOR hissy fits about it.

It doesn't happen any more.

I can almost see their rationale - after all, DH lives here too and he doesn't come away with us - so he's just doing what he wants to do while I'm not there. Thing is, he KNOWS he's overstepping, because he wouldn't do it while I AM there.

MIL, otoh, has never had to deal with an older female interfering in her household, because her mother died when she was a teenager and her MIL was in a different country and never came here. So she has very little understanding of how intrusive her actions feel.

I've got them both to a point now of understanding how undermining it is, and how it makes me feel like a visitor in my own home, and that in fact it doesn't feel like my own home when I come back to it - so they don't do it any more. Thank GOD.