aibu to be upset about this

[shineysquirell]

So we've just got back from a weeks holiday and my sister in law was coming in to look after the cats for us, but when we came home we found out not only had she been looking after the cats she'd cleaned and tidied a bit aswell and tbh yes ok I'm not the most tidy person but we had done quite a bit before we left so it wasn't in that bad a state tbh. But how would you feel if someone came into your home and started cleaning and moving things including furniture around and not only that it's not just stuff on the surface she'd been through cupboards and sorted them aswell. When I came home I wasn't happy but didn't say anything was just quiet cus it didn't feel like I'd come home and I had to spend the rest of the day after traveling just trying to get some normality back to MY home.

Is it really important?

My mum babysat when I had my second CS so DH could he at the birth. I'd been in nesting mode so the house was really clean, but I think she really wanted to help, so she decided to 'give the pipes a good clean' (??) and ended up breaking the plughole out of the sink! To give her credit, it was replaced by the time I got home!
Another time she decided my Dyson needed servicing, took it apart etc. It never hoovered properly again.

We stayeadat my sister's house a few weeks ago (she was away, and let us use it for a few days), and it was pretty messy and grubby - stained sheets, cobwebs, dust, dirty loo etc - and my dh was very tempted to do some passive-aggressive cleaning. We didn't, though, because we thought it would be rude and a bit of an insult.

To me, if someone were to come in and do cleaning I hadn't asked them to do, it would say to me that they thought I was some sort of slattern, and I would be upset by it.

I wouldn't mind a general tidy i left some cleah dishes on the draining board by accident and general tidying of what she had used. But it was the moving of thing such as my kitchen/living room table (its all open plan downstairs) and the fact she had been upstairs in my bedroom although no sign of things moved other than the curtains opened, and the kids rooms and she rearranged some of my son's toys (he has aspergers so touching his things is a massive no no). She had also "organised some cupboards in the living room and moved paper work and moved sofas to get a few of my daughters toys and whatever else gets hidden under sofas over time. She also removed some dvd which my son had borrowed from Mil without asking if he had finished watching them (Mil shown no sign of wanting them back to is) and has also seemed to bin the cardboard box that a box set of dvd are usually kept in but was left empty as we took the dvds individually as not to ruin the box in transit but looks like we should of taken it as it now seems to have been thrown out, makes me think what else has she thrown in the bin thinking it was "rubbish"

I am semi great full I know what she did was out of love and wasn't malicious and havnt said anything as don't want to sound ungreatful as she didn't have to look after the cats for a week. But I didn't know if I was over reacting as I have adhd and mild aspergers myself and can over react and be sensitive at times but do feel this is a invasion of my privacy and won't be asking her to do it again in future if needed to save this happening again

Why should anyone be "grateful" that somebody thought their home was so untidy/disorganised/unclean that they needed to clean or rearrange stuff?
MIL did this to me, moved everything. Nothing was in the same place when me and DH arrived home.
I went ballistic (as did DH). She wasn't being helpful, my flat was clean and tidy before we left.

I think that people who are neat freaks like this me can get a bit carried away. You can start off plumping a cushion and before you know it you've done a Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen! It's a bit like being an addict.

I'd be so thrilled if someone did that for me, like all my Christmases had come at once...

Elsa maybe if you feel insulted by this persons good intentions with toys and clothes you could pass them on to a women's refuge where they have so little and would be glad of the stuff? although I do agree decorating a room is a bit OTT. I think that these folks who tidy while you're away do not intentionally mean to upset and offend and personally I would rather they stayed longer in my home (rather than feed the cat and flee) so that security wise it appears that someone is there for more than a few minutes. Maybe these 'tidyuppers' think its a kind gesture to come home to a lovely tidy home after a stressful holiday just as something to do while waiting on the cat to digest and poo it's food out they are there.

Bottomchops - Mil is like that which is why she didn't get asked (that and the fact we don't speak lol)
But looks the the apple does fall far as they say

I would have felt happy with the considerate "surface" cleaning, but cupboards, furniture, bedroom items, children's toys: OTT!

Wonder how she'd feel if you interfered in her home to this level?

I would be ok with a general tidy ie wash up, wipe surfaces (although feel a bit self conscious about it all) but nothing more.

Tbh the main reason I'd be ok with it is because they'd then be staying longer and the DCat would be having a bit more company!

sals I'm already on it. They are coming to collect it tomorrow. That's where we came from and they helped me a great deal getting and setting up my house as we had nothing when we arrived.

The person I asked to cat sit is one of only a few friends here and the only person I have told about us living in the refuge.

She then posted my 'tragic story' with a begging post on fb.

No doubt her intentions were good but I feel invaded.

For me it would probably depend who it was as much as what they did.

Generally though I'd be happy with 'housework' (if they could find any to do, if someone was coming to cat sit I'd leave it 'done') but I'd be really annoyed if they 'rearranged' furniture or things in cupboards. Really annoyed. A friend once minded my shop for a couple of hours and she had a 'tidy up' (I think she just fancied 'playing shops'😁) but she also cut the stem off of a tall helium balloon I'd been given & loved. It looked stupid at knee height & I was livid, but couldn't say anything as she had done me a favour, she thought it looked better and it was only a balloon stand - but it was 'mine' and in my book you don't cut, throw away, permanently change things that aren't yours.

You're not being oversensitive OP. I'm laid back and love my MIL, but I was furious when I got back from holiday and she had rearranged my whole wardrobe and underwear etc. I actually removed some sex toys from there before we went just on the off chance she had a look, and I'm so glad I did..

Nothing wrong with a little cleanup, washing dishes left or sweeping floor after the cat etc. But rearranging and moving things is not on.

Oh Elsa - I'm sure her intentions were good but still, how very inappropriate of her to have told YOUR story (even if it was without names) without even asking you if it was ok! I'm quite shocked at that - that's way overstepping the boundaries.

Thanks Thumb that's how I feel.

She gave the ages and sex of my children so it won't be too hard to figure out its me.

She's taken it down now, but what's done is done I guess, and now the refuge have a load of new stuff, and I have got to redecorate my daughters room to their/my taste which will give me something to do.

Hope you're feeling a bit better now op