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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think new colleagues are total bitches?

48 replies

ElephantSuperhero · 08/07/2016 23:33

I started a new job a month ago. It's in a large open plan office with about 30 of us in. I sit in a group of tables with two other women of a similar age to me (late thirties).

Both have been, to be blunt, absolute fucking bitches since I started. For the first few days I tried to make a bit of minor chit chat with them but they both answered with one word answers or in a very snappy way to me, yet are friendly and chatty with each other and to everyone else.

When I arrive at work and say hello to them they just ignore me. They ignore me when I go home and say bye to them.

In the past few days they have done this thing of discussing everyone else in the office loudly and saying how much they like them and what a brilliant person they are.

They also organised a night out for tomorrow night and loudly called across the whole office to everyone, one by one, to invite them on the night out. I was not invited.

AIBU to think they are complete bitches? Today and yesterday I just disengaged from them both and acted like they weren't there. I'll be polite if they speak to me but I will never be 'friends' with either of them after how they have behaved to me these past few weeks.

Oh, and another lady started the same day as me and they are perfectly fine with her, so it's clearly me! And they are both really good friends with the manager so there is nothing I can do about their behaviour.

OP posts:
SlowJinn · 08/07/2016 23:40

Bloody hell, what a horrible pair. And what an unpleasant atmosphere to work in! Is there anyway you can get one of these women on her own, and ask exactly what it is you have supposedly done or said, to be so disliked? Do you talk to any others in the office?

The night out arrangements, deliberately excluding you, are incredibly childish.

Original poster
ElephantSuperhero · 08/07/2016 23:42

I did consider doing that, but then figured I'd rather just pretend they don't bother me and just ignore them.

OP posts:
BerriesandLeaves · 08/07/2016 23:43

Blimey, they sound like school bullies.

BARB060609 · 08/07/2016 23:45

This sounds exactly like the situation I was in when I started at the company I currently work for, except there were 6 bitches. One of them who appeared to be the ringleader was part time so the others were 'allowed' to speak to me about non-work stuff when she wasn't there. I remember her asking what I thought was an open question once, so I replied, she looked at me, opened her mouth and looked away and asked again as if to say "that question was to anyone but you". If I had been to the toilet for example, I would always come back to whispering and the conversation coming to a halt and things like that.

Also the night out thing, they would openly discuss nights out then one of them would 'whisper' to ask if they were going to ask me, and then said ringleader would say "no", sounds sad but unless someone has been in this situation they would never know how bad it is. I just kept my head down, worked hard and was approached by a manager of a different department to apply for a job which I got and enjoy and 4 of the bitches have now been made redundant.

I hope things work out for you, and karma comes for them x

JackieAndHyde4eva · 08/07/2016 23:53

My friend experienced this recently. It was a small office of 5 people. She was new and stationed between two other women. They would lean across her to talk to each other, completely ignoring her. They would bring donuts for the other women in the office and offer them around and just ignore her. Talked about staff nights out they had had in the past etc and how they couldnt wait until the next one but no mention of when it was then suddenly they'd had it and were talking about it on the Monday morning whilst she sat stifling her tears. She ended up leaving because of it.

lalalalyra · 08/07/2016 23:57

I bet either one of them wanted your job or they really liked the person who had it before you.

Sorry you are dealing with that. Happened with me once. I was the external candidate, the internal candidate was expecting/expected to get the job. I once went a whole working week with none of the 5 people in my office uttering a single word to me. Luckily for me one of the bosses clocked it and went ballistic.

Original poster
ElephantSuperhero · 08/07/2016 23:58

BARB they sound awful! I'm so glad to hear things have worked out well for you now.

Jackie, yesterday the women I work with brought in a cake and offered everyone a slice except me.

I just don't understand how grown adults can be so fucking spiteful!

OP posts:
MilesHuntsWig · 09/07/2016 00:01

Bloody hell that's awful and downright bullying. Is the company you work in larger than just your office? Can you raise this to HR? There is a massive problem if you can't raise this to your manager tbh and the business needs to be aware of this.

EarthboundMisfit · 09/07/2016 00:03

Did one of them go for the job you now have?
Either way, it's absolutely fucking disgusting behaviour.

meworthit · 09/07/2016 00:05

Have to say you come across as very mature & wanting to rise above this nonsense they are at. Good for you not letting them drag you down.
I pity people like these two women. They're probably threatened by you. God knows how you'll continue this without bring in tears at some point but you sound like a confident well put together person.
If i had cake i would keep you a slice SmileCake

JackieAndHyde4eva · 09/07/2016 00:06

I just don't understand how grown adults can be so fucking spiteful!

Its ridiculous. I thought this shit ended with school but clearly not. They must have little else going on in their lives if this is how they are getting their kicks. (Which is what they are doing!)

meworthit · 09/07/2016 00:08

Also ... What about the other 30 or so people in the office , are they like this too or just too gutless and they keep their heads down?

Beeziekn33ze · 09/07/2016 00:09

What a load of daft teenagers you work with, whatever their age. How petty not to offer a piece of cake.

starry0ne · 09/07/2016 00:09

I think long term you need to find another approach.. I am not sure what ..How are the other staff..Is there anyone there you can talk to..

Ultimately it will knock you down..

Original poster
ElephantSuperhero · 09/07/2016 00:11

Awww thanks meworthit, that's really nice of you to say.

As for the others in the office, they are all nice enough as far as I can tell but they are all quite led by these two women. The women are the types that are so loud and bolshy that no one would probably dare to disagree with them or not do as they say.

Earthbound, no we are all pretty much equal and all do the same job. It's a telesales environment.

OP posts:
Original poster
ElephantSuperhero · 09/07/2016 00:12

The manager goes out with them on their nights out, and as far as I can tell the manager's boss and also his boss are all friendly with these women too.

It's quite an informal workplace, and lots of them seem to have very strong friendships.

OP posts:
JackieAndHyde4eva · 09/07/2016 00:13

If everyone else is pleasant enough then just carry on chatting to them and ignore the nasties. Is there any possibility of moving to another desk?

SoleBizzz · 09/07/2016 00:14

This is horrifying. Adults being spiteful. Do you feel you should look for another job? This can seriously mess with your self esteem. I really feel for you. I love new people and always try to make them feel welcome and included. I just Mt do not understand what they get out of behaving this way. Their self esteem must be low if they feel the need to behave this way in order to make themselves feel better. People make me feel so sad sometimes. Picking at each other for nothing. Life is too short.

VanillaSugar · 09/07/2016 00:20

I've experienced this. During my first week, i had to undertake an induction and sit with each member of staff to get a feel for the company. One of them said to me, "I don't know what you're doing here."

One of the directors (there were only 3 of them) was shagging my predecessor and took an instant dislike to me and made my life miserable. I lasted 10 months then walked out. Cunts.

BettyCrystal · 09/07/2016 00:23

I worked in a situation like this. It was the three of us in one office & they acted like I didn't exist. And made faces (and email bitched about me) when I made conversation. Funny, I was good enough to chat to when one of them was on holiday / day off.
I wasn't that hurt by it, as I wasn't impressed by either of them. I had other friends in the company & was well liked. I think me being quite independent helped too. I didn't need their approval.
Very hard when you're new but tough it out. I'm sure other colleagues will emerge as your buddies. These two obviously think they're too cool. I was shocked to hear, after my company had closed down, from two other colleagues that everyone had noticed the dynamic in my office & had considered the other pair to be bitches (related to their treatment of me). So it's not you! It's awful, buy brush them off...

DarkDarkNight · 09/07/2016 00:35

There is a little group with my colleagues who like to think of themselves as the in-crowd. Very cliquey, and have got themselves into trouble before by scapegoating people. One supervisor left because of the silent treatment. It is difficult if they are friendly with the bosses.

It's easy to say for me because I've never been a target (although I'm sure they bitch behind my back) but I don't let them bother me. I had enough of the mean girls at school. I go in and do my job, I'm polite to everyone, I have never tried to befriend this group because I don't want to. I would just be very breezy and cool towards them, as if you haven't noticed they have a problem with you.

Not my circus, not my monkeys.

KayTee87 · 09/07/2016 01:36

I worked somewhere like this, I think someone in the team had applied for the job that I was given. It was horrible - I left after 13 months.

KoalaDownUnder · 09/07/2016 06:49

I've recently left a job because of similar behaviour to this. For example:

  • talking in hushed tones, using my name, and then stopping abruptly when I come in;
  • leaving me out of all-office email chains;
  • saying hello and goodbye to everyone in the office but me;
  • ignoring my emails;
  • talking over me in meetings and dismissing anything I say out of hand;
  • 'forgetting' to invite me to work social events.

These are 30+-year-old women in a small, professional office environment.

It eventually grinds you down. Sad

JessicaRabbit3 · 09/07/2016 07:03

I never suffered personally but my DM did in the office they would exclude her due to one person who didn't like my DM ignore her if she had rung in sick ( she has heart problems and diabetes. This woman was team leader and well in with the boss. She would be extremely nasty to DM. She was so happy when she retired and hasn't been back since. Care home are pretty back for bitchyness aswell

HoggleHoggle · 09/07/2016 07:08

Oh god this is just awful. What hideous people.